Mother lode of blonde jokes

A blonde pushes her old BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,
"What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks,
"How often do I have to do that?"


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SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Yesterday you took my license away and today you expect me to show it to
you!"


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EXPOSURE

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out.

A policeman approaches her and says,"Ma'am, are you aware that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." he says.

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"


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KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"


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BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!" ; The American said, "We were the first
on the moon!! " The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on
the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not that stupid. We're going at
night!"


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IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"


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FINAL EXAM

The blonde reports for her university final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the
answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour she
is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minute she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I
finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."


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THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs,and
asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named
Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HelOOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"