My funny/painful mechanical lessons - what are yours?

When replacing the slave cylinder on a 1982 Alfa Romeo Spider DO NOT lie DIRECTLY below it and face it squarely when disconnecting the hydraulic lines.

 

1. High School Senior Day many moon ago: When someone locks their keys in the car with the engine running (because they're drunk), you can shut down the engine (back in the days of external hood releases) by pulling off the main coil wire ... if you're also very, very drunk. (Talk about a buzz)

2. Japanese oil drain plugs are places to mount oil temp gauges -- never try to drain oil from there, as it will geyser out sideways, usually onto the wheel and brake rotor.

3. Never tighten the hose clamp on the charcoal cannister in a '80s Alfa in winter. Moisture collects, freezes, and strangles the crankcase ventilation until the engine launches the dipstick and several quarts of oil. Leave the hose clamp loose as a pressure relief. Remember to put the hose back on the cannister in Spring.

4. Never change gearbox/rear diff oil in a closed garage (without an oxygen mask).

 

1) Don't stay in the Lotus Position (head under dash, feet against rear window) for more than 15 minutes at a time unless you have a loving and non sarcastic family to help extract you.

2) Don't lie under the gear oil drain plug as you loosen it.

3) When the otter switch shoots out of your radiator while the car is running, don't replace it with a bare hand.

4) When replacing a window motor, be sure you reconnect the wires before putting the door panel back on.

Ken

 

#1 If you have more parts left over than you started with, that's a problem.

#2 When doing large layups, count the number of brushes before you start and after you finish. That bubble you can't seem to get rid of may not be a bubble at all.

 

If you wear a short T-shirt while working half under your XK150 up on jack stands in the college parking lot. One of your classmates will grab a handfull of, & yell "belly button hair".

Next thing you know, you have a floorboard nail a quarter inch deep in your forehead & need help getting your head off of the floorboard. Meanwhile said friend is laughing too hard to assist.

 

When changing the oil on a V-12 E-type (the yellow one in my avatar, actually) be sure to warm the engine up thoroughly first. Then, jack the car up, position the oil catch pan directly under the side-mounted drain plug, get the wrench and loosen the plug. Very carefully twist the plug out of it's hole, producing a geyser of boiling oil shooting out of the side of the pan, all over your hand. Once you've stopped screaming, you realize that the better part of 11 1/2 quarts of oil has shot out past the catch pan and, because it's hot, is rapidly spreading all over the garage floor and under the other car next to it, which you now can't get into to move because of all the oil on the floor.

Didn't make that mistake twice. And thank goodness for Costco sized packages of paper shop towels and bags of kitty litter.

 

When I was changing the belts on my car, I was using an air ratchet to get this metal bracket thing off and it backed the bolt out so fast, the air wrench got backed up against the inside of the fender. So now the bolt is totally out of the hole and my only option was to put the wrench in tighten mode and hope like hell it didn't cross thread the bolt when it was going back into the hole enough for me to get the wrench off the bolt head.

 

When you are doing the first clutch job in your life (1973) on a '63 Alfa Spyder, make sure the gen/alt. pully isn't rubbing the steering box making a horrible racket before you decide you put the clutch disc in backwards and tear the whole thing apart again.

 

When re-inserting pistons using a cheap ring-compressor NEVER think that "If I just hit it a bit harder it will go in properly" It WILL go in, but you'll wonder why that smoke is coming out the exhaust for the next few weeks. The you'll be doing it all again to fix the broken ring!

Further to prev posts, I find that the normal sequence of "banging one's head under a car is usually" ...

1. Squeeze head & body into tight space, being really careful
2. Accidentally brush nose, etc against protruding bit of car
3. Head automatically jerks BACK, bashing against concrete floor
4. Head then reacts by jerking back UP, bashing against car
5. You're left wondering, what the **** was that all about!

 

Oh yes: Fluids dripping under the car are a bad mix with that hot incandescent light bulb in your drop lamp.

Don't try to change struts by jacking up one wheel -- you're fighting the anti-sway bar. (Doh!)

That running-fluid-on-concrete sound you can't find while lowering the car may be the jack stand you didn't get quite far enough out of the way punching through the fiberglass side skirt. (Doh!!)

 

#1 when using the biggest wrench in the toolbox on a stubbern bolt it is best to push away from as opposed to pulling towards your face.

#2 always check to make sure the brake cleaner nozzle is facing away from your eyes

#3 check that the hood/trunk shocks will stay on there own before getting clipped in the back of the head

#4 if the engine will not line up when doing a clutch do not listen to the other mechanic that tells you to put a pole jack under the crank pulley, two post hoists are good until the car falls off the back of them

#5 make sure the car is not in gear when lowering the hoist

 

When putting a six pack manifold on a 389 PontiacV8, dont drop a 5/16 lock washer down an intake port.

If you drop a 5/16 lock washer down the intake of a 389 Pontiac V8, you might find a magnet dont work real well on a CAST IRON ENGINE!

If all ideas for removing a 5/16 lock washer from the cylinder of a 389 Pontiac V8 fail, do not attempt to start the engine with the misguided idea that it will just "blow" out of there, cuz it wont.

When removing the engine from a MGB/GT, remember to undo the nut for the battery cable from the starter motor before lifting. The loose one. You might find it also solves your battery discharge problem you have been fighting for months by checking generators, regulators, and replacing batteries.

 

When I was 18 I was trying to help this idiot friend fix his car, although after this episode we were no longer friends. He had a Buick and I was going to pull the plugs on the left bank. I had pulled off the plug wires starting at the back of the block, until I had three of them in my hand, #7, #5, and #3. He decided to hit the key and the motor started. I absolutely could not let go. I could make out the individual pulses and the delay between 7 and 3. The idiot thought it was funny watching me jerk around trying to let go before he shut it off. My arm hurt really bad for days afterward. I guess I was lucky it was a point ignition system and not an HEI. They do claim it can kill you. I dont monkey with ignition anymore unless I have the keys in MY pocket.

 

Never put used brake fluid in an old antifreeze container regardless of how many places you label it as used brake fluid...

 

Back in my hippie days, I had a 68 Dodge pickemup truck, slant 6, mother trucker. When the 3-step tranny blew out, living with no visible means of support, meant that it was up to me to get it running again. I high tailed it down to Bubba's junk yard and brought a working tranny (It turned out that the owner was a relative of mine. Not an uncommon occurence in the South. He asked me if I was still living on Mary Jane Lane.)

So armed with a pair of Vise Grips, some crescent wrenchs (I think the Brits used to call them spanners), screwdrivers, some Tallahassee Two-Toke, and the biker chicks from next door for entertainment purposes, I got that muther done. Didn't even have to jack up the truck. There was more than enough ground clearance.

Only lesson I have to pass on to you is this: It is a very good idea to drain the transmission oil BEFORE pulling the transmisson. Don't ask how I know.

Dr "I'm glad that I ain't doing that no mo" Who

 

Man, these are great. I have never seen a mechanic move as fast as the time he was tightening the flex plate bolts on a big Detroit Diesel obviously with the oil pan off. Instead of moving the flywheel with a bar to get to the next bolt he was using a remote starter. When the engine started with no pan and of course no oil it was like a blur watching him running to shut off the truck.

 

Although I have not done these two personally, I have close knowledge of 2 people who have:

1. Mixing two cycle race fuel in a dimly lit garage (your girlfriends parents place BTW) by candle light on an unstable wooden table is a bad idea. Luckily the fire was quickly put out.

2. Thinking that if you are REALLY FAST you can cut some live 14-2 household wire with a pair of side cutters and 'beat the power'. Needless to say those cutters are no longer useable.

 

Apparently it's important for folk in Officer training to understand mechanical things.... so with three others I was dismantling a tank transmission. Me (reading): "remove the shaft" ...tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, " being very careful not to lose the 64 needle bearings from the housing." We lost four.

Lesson 1: Read ahead

Lesson 2: It's not really necessary for second lieutenants to learn how to repair tank transmissions. Many, many others can do it better.

Lesson 3: Beats me. I learned nothing from this. (Except to read ahead!)

 

Never help your buddy change the auto-trans in his old junky ford torino, especially when your buddy doesn't realize that the torque converter still has about 6 quarts of fluid in it until you've already pulled the transmission away from the engine housing. . . with you underneath. . .

 

Never lay under the power steering reservoir, with the hose disconnected while your friend plays "whats this" and spins the power steering pully. Effectivly pumping power steering fluid out, and into your mouth.

 

1) Always replace the water pump "while your in there" when helping a buddy do the timing belt on a mot*#@ +^*@ing Ford Escort. (note: it isn't much easier taking it all apart and putting it back together the second time!)

1A) Never offer to help a buddy do the timing belt on a Ford Escort!!

2) Never, and I mean Never hook the battery cables to the wrong posts when re-installing it on a (not sure what car it was). Makes nice flames when the fuse links burn up.

3) Always remember that the posts on a car battery are slightly different sizes for a reason and never force the cables on when they don't want to go (see above).

And last but not least....... make sure you know which drain plug is motor oil and which one is gear oil when wanting to change either on a 308 (Thankfully I learned this rule before doing my first engine or gear box oil change! Thanks F-chat!!!)