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My Wife and the rock drummer!

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Anthony_Ferrari, Dec 17, 2003.

  1. Anthony_Ferrari

    Anthony_Ferrari Formula 3

    Nov 3, 2003
    2,186
    Sheffield, UK
    Full Name:
    Anthony Currie
    Here's an intersting tale for you. I'd find it funny if it wasn't true:

    Up until a the 10th of December this year I thought I was in the best marriage ever. My wife kept telling me that she loved me and I told her the same. In April we sold part of our garden so that we could realise our dream of owning a property in Italy. We spent 3 great weeks together in Italy with our 6 and 9 year old daughters holidaying and house hunting. In June we returned to Italy without the girls. We were there for 4 days with a film crew. We filmed an episode of the ITV show "I Want That House". They filmed us finding and buying our house (which we bought in my wife's name). We were very happy. At the end of September we went to see a Finnish rock band that I used to like in the early 90's. They had recently reformed with some new band members. We got to meet the band and we went to see them a few more times. My wife went to a couple of the shows without me and I assume that is where it happened.
    Two days after the tour had finished (Oct 19th) 'we' came up with a great plan. Wife and the girls would go to live in Italy straight after Christmas. I would live at my parents house and we would rent out our UK home. I would obviously visit them in Italy as often as possible. After 6 months we would then make a decision. If Italy was working I would go out there and join them. If it wasn't we would all move back to the UK house. It seemed a risk-free way of doing something quite scary.

    Then things started to wierd. Basically, my wife has decided to leave me and move to Finland where she is setting up home with the drummer from the Finnish rock band! It would appear that I was being taken for a ride for some time. She never intended that I would follow her and the girls to Italy. She wanted to get the girls out of the country and live away from me for a couple of months. Then, when I'd "got used to them not being around", they were going to move to Finland with drummer-boy. I accidently discovered what she was up to just over a week ago. I have managed to keep hold of the girls and send her to Finland. I have taken out a large loan to pay her off so she can set up a home in Finland. We are all going to Italy on Thursday for one night and she will sign the Italian house over to me. If you know anyone who wants a house in Italy let me know because I will be really struggling financially until the thing is sold. You can find details of the house here: http://www.casatuscany.com/buy/details.php?id=254

    The whole situation is just terrible. I know I am on auto-pilot and putting my feelings to the bottom of the pile. They will have to come out at some point. I just need to get through Christmas and I will then allow myself to grieve.

    Just a few points:
    She met him at the end of September
    It did come as complete shock to me and everyone else
    No I wouldn't have her back.

    We have managed to keep things relatively amicable so far. I tried my best to persuade her that we should try counselling and that we should stay together for the kids. She refused to consider any of it. My immediate concern then switched to getting rid of her as quickly as possible and making sure the kids stay with me. My wife wants the girls to live with her and the drummer in Finland. She has agreed that it is sensible for the girls to stay with me for the next 6 months while they set up home in Finland. I have agreed that we will then reassess the situation. What I would really like is for her to stay in Finland and leave me and the girls alone. I don't mind her visiting but I don't want the kids to live in Finland. Do you have any advice on the cheapest and most effective way of achieving this? As soon as I do something 'official' I know things will get nasty quite quickly. I'd like to get through Christmas first. She will be with us until the 28th and then she will be going back to Finland.

    I don't know whether I should:
    a) Try to keep up the pretence for 6 months and then go to court where I could prove that I have looked after the girls by myself without any problem.
    b) Apply for a residence Order straight away and let her know that I never want the girls to live in Finland. Again the court ought to see that staying at home is the best thing for the girls.
     
  2. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 20, 2003
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    Dirty Harry
    You're obviously looking after the best interests of the children. Taking care of your bottom line takes care of theirs. To that end:

    Whatever assets you've got - nail 'em down, man.

    Put an immediate stop to her ability to use your banking or credit in any way, shape or form.

    Post an ad somewhere in the boonies where nobody knows you that states *"I am not and will not be responsible for any debts incurred by anyone other than myself."* Then get a copy of that Classified Ad.
    (*Is the above wording correct? Is it applicable in the UK?*)

    If possible, get a court order or equivalent that makes it clear she can only have brief, supervised visits - on your turf. You dictate the terms.

    Don't tell her anything that you're doing, as this is only ammunition she can use much to your detriment, as well as that of the children. After all, she didn't tell you or your children anything.
    -----
    If she mentions she's with a musician, tell her "Drummers aren't musicians." (Old Drummer joke)
     
  3. tifosi

    tifosi F1 Veteran
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    Sep 5, 2001
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    Tom D
    terrible story, I remember reading about your decision to move to italy and how excited you were. The best advise is to consult a lawyer, this is a very tricky situation, don't lose site of the effect this has on your kids - they should be the most important thing right now. Don't pay off anything. If I remember your background correctly you wife runs a business?
     
  4. tifosi

    tifosi F1 Veteran
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    Sep 5, 2001
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    wheres the toilet in that house?? BTW not to add problems to your already bad situation but from experience fixing houses like that in italy can get very costly. We have one in Molise and these old houses require a lot of upkeep and to really get them back in shape $$$$. Unless the house is paid for I would not let your wife sign anything over to you
     
  5. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ
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    Feb 16, 2003
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    Han Solo
    I am terribly sorry to hear of your plight. The same thing happened to me many years ago at Christmas time although the guy my wife took off with wasn't as successful or as upstanding as a drummer in a band (read scumbag).

    The event has always made the holidays rather difficult and a challenge to get through (at times) since. Don't be afraid to get professional help during this time. It pays off when trying to make sound judgement calls. I also found that taking the 'high road' through out the ordeal left me feeling much better about the whole thing.

    Keep thinking of those girls and try to prevent them from being used as pawns in the dispute. Damaging for all.

    Luck to you, DJ
     
  6. ForzaFerrari

    ForzaFerrari F1 Veteran

    Jul 25, 2003
    7,198
    The Netherlands
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    Waldo
    That's absolutely a terrible story and my worst nightmare :( I hope all things work out for you fine!
    Good luck for you and your children!!
     
  7. mr. green

    mr. green Formula Junior
    BANNED

    Oct 31, 2003
    263
    I'm sorry for you. This should serve as a lesson for men, You can't trust
    women. I have found that men who are to trusting get burnt. I know we
    would all like to think that this can't happen to us, but it can and it does.
     
  8. Anthony_Ferrari

    Anthony_Ferrari Formula 3

    Nov 3, 2003
    2,186
    Sheffield, UK
    Full Name:
    Anthony Currie
    I realise this is really childish and won't really help me at all, but my friend sent this e-mail:

    Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
    A: A drummer.
    ____________________
    Two girls are walking along when they hear...
    "Psst! Down here!"
    They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
    The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
    The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
    _______________________

    Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
    A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
    _________________________

    Why to bands need Roadies?
    To translate what the drummer says.
    __________________________

    A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
    At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
    After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
    "Bass solo."
    ___________________________

    What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
    A really dumb gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump <crash!>)
    __________________________

    Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None. They have a machine to do that now.
    __________________________

    Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
    A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend. (ouch!)
    ________________________
    Johnny: "Mom, I want to be a drummer when I grow up!"
    Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."
    _________________________
    Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
    A: The knocking speeds up.
    _____________________________
    Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
    A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
    _____________________________
    Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
    A: Homeless.
    _____________________________
    Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
    A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
    _____________________________
    Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
    A: "Would you like fries with that?"
     
  9. AnotherDunneDeal

    AnotherDunneDeal F1 Veteran

    Jun 2, 2003
    5,308
    N.Richland Hills, Tx
    Full Name:
    James Dunne
    As the band was getting ready to warm up for the concert, the promoter said over the intercom.

    "Will the musicians and the drummer please report to the stage".
     
  10. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 6, 2002
    70,481
    Houston, Texas
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    Bubba
    Take the high road out of there brother. Be congenial as Hell face to face.

    BUT, take my advice and get an attorney you can count on to be mean as a damn junk yard dog.

    You've got to document the infidelity, then custody should work out in your favor. I can't imagine a British magistrate would consider a traveliing musician (watch it guys, I"M a drummer) as a stable environment for children although there is a bias towards the mom, for younger children.

    If it's any consolation, my kid's (3) have been taken from me from two different women, (one my wife) and regardless of the BS the bitc__s
    tried, they ALL came back to me once they could decide for themselves.

    Mom #1 is in the "big house" (grey bar motel!). Mom #2 is just alone and bitter! LOL
     
  11. benedict

    benedict Formula Junior

    Nov 6, 2003
    731
    Full Name:
    Ben
    Whatever makes you feel better! One time I went to see a friend's band
    and the drummer looked a little roughed up. I whispered to my friend "what happened to him?". He said "apparently he's been banging more than the drums and he caught a beating from her husband! Sorry to hear it.
     
  12. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 6, 2002
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    Bubba
    After a time, maybe you can get to where I was last Friday night.

    In church for the Christmas concert, my new fine, shapely girlfriend on my left, my widowed mom on my right, followed down the pew by my son, ex-wife, and youngest daughter!

    The only people confused were the Methodists!

    I know the betrayal will hurt for a long time, maybe forever. But as I told my wife as I left, "I'm not leaving you for another woman, I'm leaving you to make room for the whole rest of the world to appreciate me!"
     
  13. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 6, 2002
    70,481
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    Bubba
    I would recommend you find a good counselor.

    My marriage counselor turned out to be a GREAT divorce counselor, once things had hit the rocks and sank. He was a great sounding board to work thru YOUR feelings, and get back to a good, happy place. FWIW

    My wife hated the Ferrari, but Valeria LOVES it, and me, too!

    Come on over to Texas, bud, we'll hoist a few beers and find you a new one! The woods are FULL of 'em! That offer stands as long as you need it.
     
  14. rob lay

    rob lay Administrator
    Staff Member Admin Owner Miami 2018

    Dec 1, 2000
    49,042
    Southlake, TX
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    Rob Lay
    You'll come out on top in the long run if you play everything cool emotionally (although it's hard) and get good legal advice.

    What she's doing right now is a fling. When the infatuation and Rock & Roll lifestyle wear off, then she'll be left with nothing. The long term will be your ultimate payback.

    Every girl that ever broke up with me always came begging back in the future and I never gave them the time of day. For the rest of their lifes I want them knowing that it was their worst mistake,
     
  15. bobafett

    bobafett F1 Veteran

    Sep 28, 2002
    9,193
    You mean going out with you in the first place? :D ;)

    Anthony: if it's worth anything, I am very impressed with your demeanor. It seems that you are taking everything with rational and even-minded steps, and are putting your children's best first.

    The only thnig I can say is to re-iterate that you should be extremely nice in person, but find an attorney who will cover you fiercely with respect to everything. You may not be thinking of some things now (or may consider them petty), but in the end you'll want to have everything as squared away as you can.

    --Dan
     
  16. tifosi

    tifosi F1 Veteran
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    Sep 5, 2001
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    You da man, does Jeannie know this :)
     
  17. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Showing a little ego there, Rob, my man!!!! LOL

    My old lover phones, crying, from prison, too! (collect, I might add.)



    Re: lawyer: "fiercely" = "mean as a junk yard dog"
     
  18. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 6, 2002
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    Bubba
    I was just lucky that opposite the "old Ferrari" on my property list was "Brand new Honda Minivan" on her side!

    This dubious legal document was referred to ever after in litigation as,
    "The Kitchen Table Accord".

    Of course, there were no panties under the seat at that time, Rob.
     
  19. rob lay

    rob lay Administrator
    Staff Member Admin Owner Miami 2018

    Dec 1, 2000
    49,042
    Southlake, TX
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    Rob Lay
    Jennie's different, even though the tall dark skinned Lebanese and petite Scottish wild child were hot, they weren't a Jennie. Jennie is way too good for me as anyone that has meet the both of us can attest. I'm on my P's and Q's. :)
     
  20. tifosi

    tifosi F1 Veteran
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    she is a sweetheart, lucky dog
     
  21. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 6, 2002
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    Bubba
    What's the Scottish girl's number????? LOL

    (A joke, DO NOT reply!)
     
  22. Hubert

    Hubert F1 Rookie

    Jan 3, 2002
    2,642
    The Left Coast
    Get a lawyer who will rip her apart in the proceedings. Use the infidelity , righthly, in your favor and get started NOW on getting legal action in motion. My friend recently went through a divorce , and it's not pretty. Don't wait on a lawyer.
     
  23. Anthony_Ferrari

    Anthony_Ferrari Formula 3

    Nov 3, 2003
    2,186
    Sheffield, UK
    Full Name:
    Anthony Currie
    Just stumbled across this. What a difference 5 years makes!
    I ended up losing a ton of cash in the split - she basically stole the Italian house from me, but the girls are still living with me. We also live with my beautiful (younger!) fiance and her 2 kids (a boy and a girl). We live in a village about a mile away from where I was back then and we still have the old house which we rent out. Financially a corner has certainly been turned. I was broke for about a year and my new lady certainly helped a lot.
    It was obviously meant to be because of an amazing occurence that happened a week before Xmas 2005. Up until then my ex had been seeing the kids during school holidays and they had been flying to Finland for contact. I got a letter in the post addressed to my ex. I lived at number 2 and her mother lived on the same street but at number 22. After looking at the contents of the letter it was obviously supposed to go to number 22. It was a letter from a solicitor saying that all the plans were in place so that when my ex took the kids to Finland for Xmas (it was her turn) a letter would be sent to me to tell me that they wouldn't be coming back and she was going to apply for a Residence Order. If the kids were living with her when we went to court then she would be at a huge advantage. The letter even said that the timing would be good as I wouldn't be able to get legal advice due to the Xmas holidays!
    I went to see a few different solicitors (attorneys) to get some advice. After deciding which one I trusted the most I turned the tables. On the day that the girls were due to be picked up I delivered a letter from my solicitor to number 22. A copy was also sent to her solicitor. It said that due to the nature of the information I had received the kids would not be leaving me.
    This then led to a lengthy, nasty court battle. I could see it getting expensive so I did my own legal work and got much better results. I now have a residence order. My daughters told the court who they wanted to live with and their mother seems to have just given up. We have heard nothing from her for over a year now. I think she is still with the drummer.
    The important bit - the girls love my new partner and their step-siblings. They are doing better at school than they ever did and they seem really happy. They were especially happy when I proposed their step-mom and she accepted! We are now looking forward to a wedding in June. We are a very happy and close family and I am enjoying having a step-son to share my Ferrari obsession!
     
  24. andy308

    andy308 Formula 3
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    Glad to hear that it turned out well in the end. Thanks for providing an update.
     
  25. DrStranglove

    DrStranglove FChat Assassin
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    Yea, thanks for the update.
     

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