Neighbourhood Kids and Discipline

I'm about the least litigious person I know, but when it comes to something like that, it probably wouldn't hurt to mention that their child causing another child damage could be their liability in court. Lazy, undisciplining parents often don't respond to simple rationality because Dr. Spock didn't say that they should discipline the sh*t out of their kid for being a brat and a bully; hopefully it's something that can be resolved simply, but having encountered a few brat and bully raisers, they are usually as ridiculously lenient as their kids are ridiculously obnoxious, and it might take a proverbial slap in the face to get them to realize they need to step in and do something...

 

Perhaps you should teach your kid how to throw a few deadly punches. That night do the trick.

 

I was never like that, none of my siblings were like that, no one I know was ever like that... and if we were we all would have had hell to pay with our parents.

 

Ask and ye shall receive!

 

Oh my god! lolol isnt that a little brutal? hahahaha. But It just may get the job done though

 

Stick strictly to the behavior you've seen, 1st hand.

Explain, politely, that you have raised you child not to strike others, and you think that maybe their little precious needs some positive reinforcement to eliminate his bad behavior. Or, you'l ltell your kid to pepper spray him next time.

When they look at you like you're from Mars explain you wanted to get their attention, that they really need to address the issue of unprovoked hitting with their child. And that you have instructed your child to steer clear of their child until you are sure the behavior has been addressed.

If the kid does it again, call the police. They'll go down and have a nice chat with the parent, which won't really help, but at least you'll have the satisfaction of seeing the police car in their driveway, and you can then tell all the neighbors what the problem is.

DM

 

As my GF is highly experienced with dealing with other peoples children (she's a pre-k teacher) I'll ask her tonight what steps you should take.

I will say this though from what she's already taught me. Her (the little girl) behavior is usually more indicative of the lack of parenting skills than any maliciousness on her part. Let it be said there's no need to hit children to have them behave. If they're are having to do so... they're doing something wrong. I think you'll agree that's a last ditch "what else am I to do" reaction when everything else seems to be failing. Corporal punishment doesn't do anything but instill fear and resentment.

I'll get her take on it.

 

Actually what is even better about calling the cops is that, they will most of the time talk to the kid and scare the living crap outta him.

 

You will know if it was enough by his future actions. I like the pepper spray idea. But teaching your kid how to kick in the nuts would also be effective.

 

I agree with this, just make sure your son kicks his ass the next time this happens, that will do a better job of preventing it from happening again than anything else (and will be a valuable experience for your son). For all we know, the kid might be doing it to get his parent's attention. Besides, nobody wants to be told how to raise their kids so taking it up with the parents would probably be useless.

 

You could tell the parents that if their kid does injure another kid they could easily lose their home owners insurance

 

How about you just tell your kid, if some kid hits you, hit him back. my dad taught me that and it works. Kid hit me in the head when I was 5, slugged him in the stomach right back, didnt mess with me after that.

 

I did that once in first grade... was sent to the principal's office (the first of many times through out my elementary education).... when I explained to him that the kid hit me so I hit him back... we both got suspended

 

i agree... Not teaching your son how to defend himself is just as bad as the other parents not teaching their son not to hit other people...

Still, you should go say something to that kid's folks... Let them know that their son hit your son and they need to curb their "pet"... Next time their son hits your son, have him open a can of Play Skool whip-ass and if the other kid's parents have something to say, tell them they should've listened to you the first time...

 

my advise is to go out there and get on your knees, tie 1 arm behind your back, blind fold yourself after spinning around 100 times, and call the kid out.
for get it, he ll probably kick your ass. alternative- have a talk with the kids parents.

 

I don't know, I think five is a little young for kids to be handling these issues by themselves. I have twins (a boy and a girl) who just turned five and I don't think they have the experience or the judgment to determine when to walk away and when to hit back. Of course, maybe my kids are slow ....

I would say, first talk to the kid's parents, then his school, then the cops. Some kids who hit are in abusive homes, some are wired funny and some are just severely underparented. It probably won't be hard for you to figure out what's going on here.

A success story: A friend of ours had a six year old hitter. We found this out at their house when he started on my oldest, who was seven and could have really hurt the kid. Fortunately, our son walked away instead and told us what was going on. Our friend was mortified but not surprised. She told us that her son had been banned from more than a few houses in the neighborhood, and that there was nothing more embarassing than to have to pick her son up from a playdate after he had hit someone. Our friend ultimately took a 12 month leave from her job so she could work with her son more closely. He turned out to have learning issues she hadn't known about as well as the behavior problems. Special ed and therapy(!) helped him a lot, I think without meds. The last time we saw them the kid seemed fine and our friend was back at work.

Best of luck,

Ron

 

OK, here’s my GF take on it.

First she thought it was wonderful that you live in an area, where five year olds could go out and play unsupervised! That surely wouldn’t happen where we live in L.A.. It almost sounds like a crazy idea as I write it. But, that’s beside the point.

After reading her your post she immediately said “They should call a social worker and file a report.” Really? I replied as it seemed a bit drastic to me (noting that to me calling the cops on the parents some how did not.. Funny how that works). “Yes. This will do two things. First these people will be f*cked. They’re obviously not doing a very good job of parenting and it’s having a detrimental effect on their own child and now yours. Once a case is filed and a case worker visits everything in the house will be documented and as such the parents will be put on notice that their parenting is being put in question and under scrutiny. Second it creates a case file that creates a legal trail if, God forbid, something does happen to your child and you decide to take some form of legal action against the parents. Or they could just get so embarrassed by the situation and move.” Now the quality Social Services in the U.S. varies greatly from city to city, county to county, Social Worker to Social worker. It’s a job and as we know some people take their jobs seriously and some don’t. A good Social Worker is worth four times their weight in gold. We’re going to assume the services you can get up there in Canada will be better than those here in the U.S. though, we could be wrong. If a good worker shows up at their door, I’d expect they’d begin to start to get the parenting help they need, and this will change. If not rest as-sured changed will be forced upon them no matter what part of the economic strata they’re in.

This obviously is a last ditch resort. She also said to talk to the other children in the neighborhood with their parents (five year olds don’t hold any of the social constructs that lead to embarrassment when ratting out their friends, they’ll do it with no hesitation) about this child. You’ll quickly get a good idea of his behavior as a whole. Then if you like talk to the parents. The only down side to this is it might simply lead to more poor parenting (i.e. punishment on the child) than them trying to get to the source of the behavior. If they know a case worker will be monitoring them this scenario will become (in theory) less likely.

Ron made some excellent points this morning that were also made by my GF without her reading his post. When I asked her about some of the post suggesting that maybe your child should take defensive physical action (hitting back) she said that’s not something you should be teaching a five year old. The only time any child of that age should be taught to use physical violence would be if they were in an uncomfortable/harmful situation with an adult. Then, they teach them to scream like bloody murder, kick, and fight.

If these children were older, late-late elementary school, or later then she did agree that at that point in their lives as they’re beginning to push out of the boundaries of parental supervision and begin to take on more personal responsibility for their own lives, then yes instruction on how to fight back certainly would be on the agenda. By that age they should have been taught that violence is an absolute last resort and should be used as such.

I hope this helps.