NOT being invited to a birthday party. What would you do?

Chelsea, who is 10, was not invited to one of her best friends birthday party because she (her friend) is imbarassed to have her at her house, which is a single-wide in a lesser favorable part of town (Chelsea found this out two weeks after the party). Needless to say, Chelsea was really dissapointed that she was not invited.

I was blown away with this one. I really like her friends parents and her friend. How do I (or Chelsea) make this a good situation, as there may be a Holloween or Christmas get together at their house again. I want her friend to feel comfortable in inviting Chelsea to her house without feeling 'inferior' because of the differences in our homes.

 

Living in Appalachia, I will be very interested to hear a solution to this problem.

 

I understand that your area has an extremely high percentage of America's poverty. What is the main reason?

 

Tell Chelsea not to worry about it since she would probably catch something anyway!! j/k! Or am I?



DL

 

1.Did the best friend say herself she was emabarassed?
2.Can I safely assume your daughter has never been to her house before?


If both prove true, I would say drop your daughter off there one day after school and have Chelsea just act normal. Whats the best friend gonna do? Send her away?[I'm really hoping she wouldn't.] Ideally the best friend will let her in and see Chelsea isn't bothered or put off by the best friends living situation.

Obviously you'll need to be hiding a few feet away so that option[turning chelsea away] isn't easily available to her but so your girl can just get back in the car if things go wrong.

I'm not sure how long you've known their parents or how well you do so I can't advise on talking to them about it cause that conversation could get akward really fast and they might get defensive or offended if you don't say everything perfectly.
If the parents are open and easy to talk to then you should talk to them and tell them that Chelsea would like to hang out with their daughter and come to her events but their daughter is uncomfortable with it and ask if they could talk to their daughter.
I hope some of this helps.














But also I would heed darth's words and inclose Chelsea in a bubble just in case

 

Because there are a lot of poor people.

 

One of life's tough situations...

I would say... unless they continue to have parties at their house, if somehow, on their own initiative or a joint-parent coalition, they/you could take the home environment out of the equasion and have a party at a neutral location such as a kids fun center or something related.






worst case.... take a spin on Darth's words and say they were being protective of Chealsea by protecting her from the West Nile virus that was discovered in that area.

 

Why doesn't Chelsea talk to friend and tell her that she's her best friend no matter what, even if she lived in a mansion The next party she has, she wants to be there.

 

Agreed...Honesty is the best policy and you want to enforce that to kids. If their best friends why should any of that matter?

 

Spot on advice.Not turning up at the friend's in a Ferrari might help too

 

PETER

SOUNDS LIKE A "GARY GREEN" THREAD BUT I STILL LOVE YA!!!

BRUCE

 

BRUCE: NOT!

TonyH: I never do that!

 

Somebody has to post it.

Maybe her and her family are not as fond of you and yours as you may think?

 

Sponsor a Disneyland roadtrip on the same day and invite everyone but the birthday girl.

Bonus: Chelsea learns a valuable (real life) lesson about friends, loyalty and $$$.

DL

 

From my perspective the other girl needs help (she is only 10 after all) and not another blow to her self-esteem?

In any case: Interesting thread. We have a similar case with our 6 yo.

Yep, the trouble makers are sometimes the parents of the other kid. In which case those kids need our support.

 

Very well said SrfCity! Same with Shawn J.

The very first thing you (Peters) need to do is to make sure that your daughter is not upset or bitter about it as learning to deal with setbacks is important. Next you need to teach her skills so that those who are less fortunate do not uncomfortable about it. Such skills will enhance her leadership quality and have will have a very positive impact on her. Not to mention, how well she will look up to you for teaching her.

 

OUCH...Remind me never to p iss you off, DL

 

Let it ride even though having your child socially hurt is devastating. You can’t alter what other people chose to think about your respective positions, you can only alter what you think. I suspect that any friendly overtures by you will be construed as condescending claptrap, which will make matters worse. If the kids really are friends they will get over it, if not, well, that’s part of growing up.

 

I wouldn't try and confront them to try and make them feel better. This teaches your daughter to cater other peoples insecurities. And that's not too good of a thing. I think maybe she should just ask to come over one day and see if her friend will let her come over.