ode to the purple turkey

While driving across country, a friend of the family stopped in at a truck stop on thanksgiving. miles from home and craving turkey, he ordered a turkey 'sammich and a little 'spiced' cider (wink, wink).

Arriving on the plate, he noted the open faced turkey was purple. not a little purple, but all purple. thinking it was cranberry sauce or something 'festive' he chowed down. it was probably the best he had, as far back as he could recall. tipped the waitress nicely and got in the car.

about 60 miles down the road, it became painfully obvious that turkey was not grade a quality. food poisoning! on the back roads of north dakota, he pulled over and puked his guts out, stuff he had never eaten came out! Everytime a truck rolled by he would jump up and down waving as best he could, yet trucks rolled by with a healthy honk of holiday cheer for the guy at the side of the road, who was, at that exact moment in time, dressed as Santa, standing infront of a sign that said "Pictures with Santa at the (whatever) mall" puking his guts up.

The state troopers roll up and find what they think is a drunken santa passed out on the side of the road. Poor Ward woke up a day later in the holding tank, covered in crusty vomit, and completely innocent.

Ward called me a few days before xmas and said "I thought when you order everything plain you are just an overly picky eater, but now I understand"

The rule is no matter how festive something looks, always ask. This is 100% a true story.