OK, So What Are the Pros/Benefits of Marriage?

Perceived security, mostly for the woman. That's about it.

 

Nothing perceived about 50%!

 

If she did not have that before.... she did believe you loved her.

(But that is about the closest you can come to an answer.)

 

What does "marriage" bring to a relationship?

The US legal system in all it's splendor and that is about it.

 

I think Chris Rock said " Your either married and bored or single and lonely ". First marriage at 44, married 5 years, 3 year old little boy. If your lucky enough to find the right women for you it will greatly enrich your life.

 

I love the attempts to deflect the most obvious benefits. Those to the children of said relationship.

Your children do not come from a broken or home.

Your son doesn't get to go his entire life knowing his father was never man enough to make an honest women of his mother. "Oh that's just old fashioned." Yeah, some old fashioned stuff matters.

Children of broken homes are prone to all sorts of problems.

Marriage adds certitude. I wouldn't want to go through my life explaining away why the woman in my house was not my wife? What kind of man does that make me? More of that old fashioned talk? Perhaps. No one will question my commitment to the women sleeping in my bed.

Marriage in many ways separates the real men from the boys. I am friends with several couples who are "playing house" for the long term. Oh sure they're happy and they have their reasons, ussually a previous divorce but they're still "playing house".

We've ALL seen what happens when a community of people decides marriage and commitments doesn't matter anymore right here in the USA. Anyone here want to move to those neighborhoods?

 

Great comment! Had a guy originally from a foreign country call for advice in a divorce. After I explained what a judge would likely do to him (make him pay, give up the house, etc...) he had a hard time believing me... he kept saying but this is America! Other than committing a crime, there is no easier way to be deprived of your life, liberty and property than to get married and have kids and have it not work out. It simply opens the door to the Gov't to tell you who, what, and how long you will pay. The System is stacked against men but you all knew that.

 

The real problem is that most do not believe the premise upon which marriage is based, namely that two humans become one upon the consummation of a marriage, and that the separating of the one back into two is a radical step that, though sometimes necessary, is more akin to having an arm or leg amputated than it is to dissolving a legal contract. The vestiges of this concept are still present in the vows so many still take, though apparently with little regard to their meaning.

Shiny Side Up!
Bill

 

Most people don't allow others close enough to them to make a break up the same as losing a leg. I know of people married for years who know less about each other than other people I know after a first date.

 

Your observation is quite true, but it does not change whether or not the "two-as-one" concept of marriage is the proper way to make the most of a marriage. When each is more concerned with the care and feeding of the one entity that is a marriage, the end result will, in all likelihood, be a successful marriage that will last the tests of time. When each is instead engaged in the care and feeding of their own interests, I submit that a marriage did not exist in the first place, but rather some sort of pseudo-relationship designed by each to boost wither their own ego or their standing is some community or group to whom they depend on for one reason or another.

As a further parallel, few people manage to properly care for their cars, leaving them in a state of disrepair that frequently leaves the vehicle not only valueless, but often dangerous. This does not effect the fact that the proper care of a car requires much maintenance and repair.

Shiny Side Up!
Bill

 

You're right, it really boils down to not being selfish and not marrying because the other person has a great ass although a great ass is a pretty good bonus, however even the best of asses fade with time. Kind of like a tatoo, looks great when you are 25 but not so good at 70. Make good decisions.

 

The benefit of Marriage?

After 20 years of partying every night.... when I hit 40, it was time for a change.
Did it all, saw it all, and loved every minute of it.... but at some point you're just done.

My advice?
Marriage is great, when its time for "act-two".... just don't get married too young.

By the time I hit 40 I knew who I was and what made me happy. The woman I married was also near my age, and knew what she wanted and what made her happy.

We had both changed so much from who we were (in our 20's and even 30's).
I always felt the hardest part of marriage was the risk of growing apart as you age, for those who marry at a young age.

 

If you never plan on having kids, and don't mind being alone or enjoy your own space I would say that marriage is probably a net-stress rather than a net-gain.

OTOH if you plan on having kids you should do so inside of a marriage, regardless if it is not fullfilling or even makes you want to jump under a train. The importance of having both parents there all the time cannot be discounted. You will find your own form of happiness from seeing your children grow.

I've been a stepparent and it sucks. Kid played both sides to maintain chaos for her manipulative benefit. It was the biggest source of stress by far in our marriage, and even though she is long gone from her mother's life today that resentment remains between us. I wouldn't ever do it again.

We now have a 4-year-old of our own and I plan on staying until she is out of the house. After that, who knows. I'm not going to voluntarily give up 50% of my time with her just because her mother drives me crazy. My father-in-law divorced my M-I-L when my wife was 20, so perhaps history will repeat itself.

 

Pros ?

You get to have sex with one woman, IF she allows you to, forever or until divorce

You get to have her tell you what to do

You get to have 50% of your assets endangered

Am I missing any ?

 

My dad always said it takes two people to hold a marriage together sometime three.

 

Yes, these:

You get to be with your best friend

You get to share and go through difficult times with your best friend

You get to be a jerk and your best friend understands

You get to be sick, sad, happy, fearful, etc........and your best friend makes it all okay

You get to go through life with your best friend and not be alone.

Edit add: At the end of the road, you will have made a difference in another person's life, perhaps more. You will have mattered to someone.

 

Thats creepy but true

 

we just had our 40th anniversary over the weekend. honestly i have no idea why she still continues to feed me. near as i can figure life is a hard pull and two in the harness makes things easier.

 

None of this is true. But an interesting religious spin on things.