Does she like Ferraris? If not, ditch the bi*ch. j/k But seriously if you do love her and your also ready to settle down then I'd say pop the question! BTW talk to her about kids first before you purpose. Girls get freaked out when you tell them you want 5 childeren later on in the future or something. John
There's a lot to say for when the time is right! Asking doesn't imply if the time is right at all. Given the circumstances, I would say no, not until your settled down in career and out of school. I'm faced with the same thing with my g/f. We want to raise a family and know that its in our future and that is enough for now and will be enough for now as we live happily with each other. There really is NO RUSH for it and if there is, then its not the right time, IMO. But I've never been married, but I'm tied up emotionally and financially, do you need a ring and a certificate for it if you already have what marriage offers? Sunny
Thanks Nibbles. I'm going to go against many here and say that getting married in college is great. While divorce is high overall, the really high divorce stats are for people who live together first. The benefits without the commitment usually cause serious long-term commitment issues. I'll say it's the same as getting married in any other situation: you have to be committed to give of yourself and not be selfish. If you're in a whirlwind of new ideas in college, then your spouse should be an anchor for you and not alienate you. You have to take positive action to grow together and not apart. If your spouse isn't interested in your major/degree, who cares? I don't talk about law with my wife at all, really, but I don't care. It's not her interest. Don't wait to finish school. Don't wait to buy a house first. What, are you going to have your IRA cashed out and be retired to have a kid? Sure, there's a balance of being sensible, but I think most of these types of arguments are either of fear or materialism (I say these things in ways too). But I've come to realize that toys are fun but unsatisfying compared to the real joy that comes with a family - especially since we found out last month we're expecting. Toys are toys. And when we talked about having kids in law school (to which some, but not all of my friends were surprised), here's my logic: if we have a kid, it will cost us about $30k more debt by the time I finish law school. That will be about $300 more a month for 10 years, unless I hit the jackpot suing some big company. Given that starting salaries are hovering above $10,000 a month, the $300 is small - what would I spend it on anyway? More toys for me, that's what (I know me). Anyway, I thought, "how do I tell my kid I didn't want to have him for 2 more years, because I wanted a plasma TV/Jetskis/Ferrari/whatever instead?" That's when I had my epiphany and realized that to spend two more years with my own child was worth far more than a gadget or entertainment, even if it would cause some financial pinch in the short term. What breaks my heart is to see these obviously educated, professional couples who look around 45 years old and are walking around Boston clutching what appears to be their only child who is now 2. While it's good they're at least having A kid, I think they've missed out on many more blessings and good times by putting other worldly things first. Call me old-fashioned. Lafun: No. I wholly disagree. Being married is far superior for law students - it keeps you balanced on the most important things in life (hint: it's not school!), not lonely and wasting time on the singles scene - where there is plenty of time to waste. The hard-core studiers can be very lonely. The more mature guys/gals in the class are usually married (likely by correlation). Besides, Nibbles and you are not looking at smaller local schools. At the schools Nibbles is shooting for, grades are an afterthought for employers. It's the luxury of top schools - everyone's getting a job. For example: Columbia, ironically, is NOT competitive among students despite its reputation... because they're all getting jobs at NY firms at whereever no matter what. So I say don't be alone or apart, especially when you have that extra blessing of a good school. And the other myth is that law school will take all your time: we have 2-3 hours of reading a day, and that's all. Here's a sick secret: IT'S NOT HARD! Out of class by 2, read til 5pm, and then your wife gets home and you eat together, go shopping, watch TV, and can potentially have 5-7 hours of time in a day and still be getting good grades. I have my cake and I eat it too. Oh yeah, post a picture.
My advise would be to determine if you are best friends. Only a small percent of people who marry are and these are the couples that really last and enjoy their lives together. Most fail whether in or out of grad school. Your view of common goals and views toward money must also be similiar.
OMG if things are great then marry her, who cares if your in school, what added stress? you allready live together, there wont be any change except she might be happier that your a big enough man to commit to her. Who cares what you immature freinds think, god your 28 and getting older. Do it and don't look back. Im 38 got married at 23 and its been the best 15 years of my life. Just make sure you compromise, be fair always and have the right girl,(sounds like you do). The people telling you not to get married are boys with toys who don't want to grow up OR they picked the wrong girl ect. think about it!!! Good luck Mojo
I do see where you are coming from, as we have had quite a few conversations about this offline. I would still venture to say (till I start law school myself) that you are more of an exception than the norm. Things come much easier to you and I think you can handle the married life and law school together. Obviously many people are different and deal with situations differently. I do take your advice and help to heart, and hope my experience will be as nice as the one you have had. Thanks for the tips. No doubt. With a stunning wife like that, I don't know how you manage to even stay in law school.
Last time I checked Nibbles was still banned by Rob for a couple more months. I'm pretty sure Darth has his # so I maybe we will try calling him to find out.
You just think its great now, heck, just wait until you get married! ;-) Eggman Disclaimer: I'm in a 10 year, non-married relationship. Engaged for 3 years and counted. Wonderful, beautiful woman who puts up with my crap.
Nibb's: Send me your address and I guess I'll part with my collection of Married With Children......I'll also be in S.CA on the 23rd. How about if Darth and I buy you a lot of drinks near LAX! Peter
From my experience, I wouldn't recommend getting hitched until she's 30, or much closer to it. I have found that people only really start knowing what they want at around that age. If you are already living together, and getting along rather well, then what's the rush to get married? There's no reason why you cannot be engaged for multiple years. Anyways, just my 2 cents from my own experiences.
The time when you get married is not nearly as important as who you marry. Take a long, hard look at her mom and her dad. That's the easiest way to find out what you are getting. If you don't like what you see -- be CAREFUL! People come up with lots of excuses as to why this litmus test doesn't work. Don't try to fool yourself -- it works far more times than it fails. I've been married for almost 33 years --- smartest move I ever made. Her mom and dad were wonderful people --- some of the nicest people I have ever known. She supports my interest in cars and planes. I support her love for horses. Comes out about even -- as long as you can always afford expensive hobbies.
Let me get this straight. So she's already got total control over your sex life, has moved into your place, is living off your money, and making you take care of her cat? Sounds like you have nothing to lose. You may as well put the final nail in the coffin.
These days you have better odds winning in Vegas than having a marriage succeed. I say why buy, when you can rent? Plus it makes things easier in case you decide you want to move later on...