Poll: Help my buddy-move or stay?

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by BigAl, Dec 5, 2005.


Should my buddy move into his daughter's nhood?

  1. Move

  2. Stay

Multiple votes are allowed.
Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    A question came up last night over pizza and beer with my buddy. He bounced an idea off me that my initial gut reaction was that it wasn't a good idea. I told him I'd poll fchat and get all y'alls (like the Texas vernacular?) opinions.

    He's thinking of moving into his daughter's neighborhood to be closer to her, which is also defacto into his ex-wife's neighborhood. He said he wants his daughter to be be able to come over more, less driving time for him, etc. He's approx 7 miles away now.

    So the poll is:

    He'll be reading this so feel free to offer opinions or ask questions.
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  3. Doody

    Doody F1 Veteran

    Nov 16, 2001
    MA USA
    Full Name:
    Mr. Doody
    what exactly is the potential downside of moving to be as close to your kids as you can? i don't entirely see the point of the question.

  4. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    Well, its also being close to his ex-wife.....and they divorced on less than friendly terms. He's talking about a couple of blocks away.
    I can't recall hearing about a divorced man moving into his daughter's (or son's) nhood, which would also be moving into the ex-wife's nhood. I don't have any kids so thats why I wanted to poll guys that do...
  5. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2005
    Gunny, It's unclear to me if the daughter is an adult child living on her own, or if daughter is still at home with mom.
    If daughter lives alone/seperate, then same street as mom?
  6. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    oops, should have posted more details, I'll drop and give you 20 for the oversight, NO EXCUSE SIR!

    She's living with her mother and she's 7. My buddie's thinking a couple of blocks away, not on the same street.
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  8. Dcup

    Dcup F1 Veteran

    Jan 3, 2005
    Between 2 Implants
    Full Name:
    Claude Balls
    i would move closer if it where my daughter. i can understand where hes coming from. as far as the ex wife- post up some pics, lets see if it was worth divorcing............. top please.........
  9. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
    Advising Moderator

    Jul 20, 2003
    Full Name:
    Dirty Harry
    If it ain't broke, don't fix it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite action. Magnets repel one another. If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    7 miles is not that far a drive.

    A few blocks is too close for comfort for the Ex.

    If the Ex reacts by moving further away, then what?
  10. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    WOW, GREAT point! didn't think of that last night.
  11. 285ferrari

    285ferrari F1 World Champ

    Sep 11, 2004
    Southern Md
    Full Name:
    My mother had looked at a house in my nhood a few years ago---I told her please dont buy it---love my Mom but 18 years with her was enough. She agreed and never did move...She is 10 min away thats a good distance..
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  13. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2005
    No need for 20! No need for 'sir'! 'Quartermaster' relates to a small business (Clinty Wood's 'Hang 'Em Dry' laundromat! 'Fistful Of Quarters'/'A Few Quarters More'...

    O.k., at 7 years old, she needs 'dad' as much as possible, that's a no brainer, and is obviously what your friend is thinking--good for him, he has my respect.
    However, if your friend relocates too close, it could be uncomfortable--the ex (and your friend) need to be able to move ahead with their lives with a certain level of privacy. Too close, and he could really become a 'fly in the ointment' and aggravate the residual 'hard feelings' from a bad divorce. That would NOT be a good thing for the little girl--she would pick up on those feelings pretty quickly.
    I would suggest that your buddy tell the ex what he's thinking--and why--and get some feedback from her before he does anything. Do it through an intermediary if they are still unable to communicate comfortably one-to-one.
    One possible spin off benefit from asking the ex what she thinks of his idea could be the opening of a line of communication between them, which would be beneficial to the little girl--which is what it is all about, right?
    Good luck to your buddy, I hope something positive comes from his efforts.
  14. SrfCity

    SrfCity F1 Veteran

    Nov 1, 2003
    Orange County, CA
    If the guy is only 7 miles away now I think there's more to it i.e. possible stalking tendencies?? IMO it seems a little strange that if it was an unfriendly divorce that he'd want to be that close, if only for sanity reasons. How long does it take to drive 7 miles, 10 - 15 mins.?
  15. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    It's seven miles.......not seven states.

    He should stay where he is........a little seperation is not a bad thing..........especially from the ex.
  16. Fan512bbi

    Fan512bbi Two Time F1 World Champ

    Mar 25, 2004
    Full Name:
    Stay where he is, 7 miles! he could walk that.
  17. sjmst

    sjmst F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 31, 2003
    Long Island, NY
    Full Name:
  18. Erich

    Erich Formula 3

    Sep 9, 2003
    Poway CA
    Full Name:
    Erich Coiner
    What are the terms of the divorce agreement re: child visitation?

    I bet he gets certain weekends and has pickup/drop off at specified times.

    If he lives close his daughter is not going to be allowed to hop on the bike and ride over to daddy's place anytime she likes.

    He should stay where he is. 7 miles is no burden for him to drive and again the daughter is not going to be in a position where she can just drop in and neither is he.


    not divorced but I sat next to a guy at work and listened to waaaay too many phone calls with his ex and his lawyer
  19. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    my buddy read this Sunday and wanted me to thank all you guys for the great input. He said he found it very informative and gave him some things to think about.

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