REMIX's Tip On Avoiding Trick-Or-Treaters

I'm not much for kids, especially the trick-or-treaters that come around every year and ring my doorbell incessantly. Every year these kids seem to get older and ruder and some enterprising parents have even learned to drive their kids to more affluent neighborhoods like mine in order to get better candy.

What I offer is gleaned from years of personal experience and experimentation.

1. Get a big metal or plastic bowl (just like the one you'd use to put trick or treat candy in). The bigger the better.

2. If you have any candy of your own lying around the house, unwrap it, consume it and crumple up the wrappers.

3. Get a piece of white, or better yet, orange 8-1/2 x 11 paper with some Scotch tape.

4. Write or print (with your computer) the words 'FREE CANDY - HELP YOURSELF!!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!' on a piece of paper and tape it to the bowl.

5. Throw the used crumpled wrappers in there and set the empty bowl with the sign in front of your door.

Viola!!

No one will bother you. It's funny to watch people come up and exclaim "man, someone got all the candy!" and then turn around and leave. Makes for great fun. For added laughs, place a dollar bill in the bowl and see if someone takes it.

Sure, it's kinda mean and selfish, but the entertainment value is worth it.

RMX

 

You're asking to get egged or shaving creamed..

 

I think one of those Registered Child Sex Offender signs out on the driveway ought to do it.

 

That's doubtful. Unless they saw me put an empty bowl out, they don't know whether I ever had any candy or not. Most people just figure I ran out and/or some other greedy trick-or-treaters took more than their fair share.

RMX

 

It's better if you go outside and give the parents NAMBLA brochures.

 

Hey, I don't want my house BURNED down!!

RMX

 

LOL

 

.... it may not look good... but it's just for the night.... rent some barracades and yellow tape off the yard. Turn the lights off. Make it look like some last minute construction.

 

nah some chalk outlines and yellow crime-scene tape oughta do it

 

I just run around the front yard as a caveman throwing a huge axe around. Does the trick.

 

One year, I gave everyone flat toothpicks. Told 'em something like -

"all that candy causes cavities, so, better than going to... <evilly>the dentist<evilly> "
___

One year, everybody got ice cream cones... with no ice cream. Said, "whatever house you go to, ask if they've got ice cream." (they were so excited).
___

During baseball card mania, I put common cards in somebags, ice in the other & dropped ice into paper bags of overaged little people while they were distracted by me waving baseball cards around. Then, passed the word that I heard some jerk on the street was putting ice in some bags. "Hey! There's one in mine!"
___

Lights out on Porch and in house...
But there's a flashlight lazily moving around inside...
(Knock on door)
Cue: War Pigs... full blast
Door: opens barely
Fist: extends... shaking, opens... closes
Door: closes
Porchlight: ON!
Door opens fully: I'm wearing a totally preppy sweatervest, not a hair out of place, toothy smile; "Sorry about that"... (distracted & pout) "Eddie, get back in the basement!"
Door: close a bit, (slightly ajar), switch cassette to Am Station playing classical muzak - walk out of sight behind door.
Scream: "No, Eddie, No!" thump, thump, thump "Aaaaaaaiiiiieeeeeeee!"
Porchlight: OFF!
Door: opens (thanks to twine)
Flashlight: underneath face - kinda spooky - eyes open
Sweatervest is off, hair is messed up... crawl to candydish... wounded... pass out candy... "you shoulda seen what I did to Eddie, though..."
Close door
Turn off light

Rewind and repeat
___

Never got egged once.

 

ROFLMFAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THTAS GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!! LMFAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

...makes me think of the halloween about 15 years ago when my brother, a very talented actor, manned the door and did a scarily realistic but harmless escaped mental patient routine. I'll just keep all the lights off. We're in a 40 year old turnover neighborhood anyway...almost no small kids at this point but there will be hordes in 10 years.

 

I taped off the walk way and hung a sign that says

Sorry, We're not home

Happy Halloween

The family room is not visible from the street and I figure I'm saving them the 60ft walk from the sidewalk.

Don't forget to unplug your low level landscaping lights, ideally you want the house to be dark and uninviting.

 

wax, I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo confused after what you said.

 

Back in high school, there was a radio contest called "Name that goon" on 101 KLOL in Houston. They'd play a small snippet of someone's voice and you have to guess it. One evening, I was trying to get some Iron Maiden / Anthrax tickets and ended up guessing "George Burns" randomly and winning the nightly contest. I said, "Great... now gimme some Maiden tickets". "NO!" Greco yelled, "You get a case of Maalox!" "Maiden tickets?" "NO!" He responded again, "You get a case of Maalox."

A few weeks passed, and I happened to be in the area around 9:30, decided to stop in and collect my booty. Sure enough, the guy went down to his trunk and got out a case of Maalox for me. It was the last one. It was either 24 or 48 4oz. bottles of cherry flavored Maalox. I loaded it up and took it home.

My mother laughed and didn't know what to say. We kept the box in one of the closets near the kitchen. It wasn't until one Halloween evening when the kids wouldn't stop knocking. We weren't ones to give out candy either. My mother, being highly religious as she is, had a thing about Halloween. Well, we didn't have any candy, so... I brought out the Maalox and started to give that out. They were sealed bottles. I just gotta tell ya, when the kids saw those things, they wanted not one, and not two, but three or four each. It was the best thing they got that night. Some of the parents even took a few bottles.

Later that night, me and my friend, Johnny, would scare off would-be trick-or-treaters by jumping off of the roof, rolling into the grass and laying there, dead like. That freaked out the parents more than the kids.

So, the lesson here is: don't give out Maalox, it doesn't deter the trick-or-treaters, you are better off jumping off of your roof.

 

Maalox? LMAO!!!! Now that's frickin funny!!!

 

That's funny!

 

LOL! Thanks for the laugh

 

remix: I've tried your "method" and I've got to say, it's really funny watching those kids getting pissed off

 

I like to give out those little shot bottles of whiskey. Who says Halloween can't be fun?

 

LMAO

 

So you didnt get to see Maiden and Anthrax?? That sucks. That was a long time ago, bro.. I saw that show in NJ. Was the Seventh Son tour and I was in high school.. Great show.