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Rules for Houston Visitors (Superbowl)

Discussion in 'Texas' started by WJHMH, Dec 20, 2003.

  1. WJHMH

    WJHMH Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Sep 5, 2001
    20,753
    Panther City, Texas
    Full Name:
    Will
    I found this on another site but applies here as well, ENJOY!

    For those who will be visiting the fair city of Houston for
    the Superbowl in January!

    1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ewe-stun",not "Huestun." Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-a-pee," not "San Phil-eep" (San Felipe).

    2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high- speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.

    3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.

    4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic...a "Scenic Drive."

    5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

    6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear- ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

    7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.

    8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

    9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!!!."

    10.If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

    11.All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.

    12.The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

    13.The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

    14.Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

    15.If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.

    16.The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.

    17.If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

    18.When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

    19.You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.
     
  2. texas360modena

    Dec 15, 2003
    21
    Milwaukee, WI
    lol, all so true. thanks solipsist.
     
  3. ragtop

    ragtop Rookie

    Feb 9, 2003
    29
    I learned to drive in Houston traffic. When I first got to Austin, the first thing I got was the finger. This was basically the city's way of telling me that Houston driving tactics are for Houston only. The rest of the world considers that assault.

    I would add a few.

    20. No matter how fast you are travelling, never leave more than 3/4 of a car length between yourself and the car in front of you. Anything more is too much space and will be occupied by a Superduty King-Cab long bed nearly immediately.

    21. The empty lanes in the center of the freeway are HOV lanes and are never open. On the rare occasion that you see someone in that lane, they will be travelling slower than the freeway traffic in the normal lanes.

    22. Whenever you are travelling between two locations in Houston, it will always take 'a little over an hour'. Period.

    23. Feeder hopping is a publicly accepted strategy to decrease commute times. If the city didn't intend you to feeder hop, they wouldn't have placed the ramps like they did.

    24. Merging two lanes of traffic into one should never be an orderly affair. If you see someone merging before they get to the cones, the proper action is to pass them on the shoulder and cut someone off immediatly before you strike the cone barrier.

    25. Nobody in Houston honks. It is a sign of weakness. If you honk you will likely be forced off the road.
     
  4. ty (360mode)

    ty (360mode) Formula Junior

    Sep 25, 2002
    807
    Houston
    Full Name:
    Tim
    LMAO guys! those are priceless and so true.
     
  5. icars

    icars Formula Junior

    Mar 28, 2002
    855
    Plano Texas
    Full Name:
    Rodney Haas
    Sounds like you guys are to young to have experienced "real" Houston driving. It was much more fun in the late 70s early 80s. You would "exit" the loop on one of the legal exits. Driving on the frontage road was taking your life into you own hands. Since the shoulders were kind of flat onto the frontage road people made their own exits @ 80MPH. You would be driving along waiting to turn and somebody would come off the loop... It was thrilling!

    It's just far to busy and slow today. The other thing is police would not dare stop you, they did not want to cause an accident. Now Police don't care they just want the revenue. They actually stop people! I actually got a ticket coming home from Keels & Wheels last year. I was shocked!
     
  6. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Three Time F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed

    Apr 28, 2003
    38,914
    Texas!
    Just when you think that you have seen it all... This is from a letter in the Houston Barnacle today:

    ...a cowboy driving north on the West Loop tuesday night with an open fire pit on the trailer behind his pickup, burning full blast, spewing hot coals everywhere.


    Don't Mess With Texas!
     
  7. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Three Time F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed

    Apr 28, 2003
    38,914
    Texas!
    Oh, and I almost forgot. Back before the Houston Chronicle sold out to the Hearst chain, it ran an editorial lamenting the passage of the "open container" bill. While agreeing that a change had to happen, the editorial waxed nostalgically about picking up a six pack on the way home as a way to ease the pain of being stuck in traffic.

    What was even worse was that I agreed with the editorial!

    Keeping the rubber side down, DrTax
     
  8. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,234
    Austin, TX
    Full Name:
    Randy
    This is my experience as well.

    I learned how to drive fast with... not fast drivers, but Houstonians. That's the only way, and it is survival at it's best. Problem is, each time I go back to Houston, it takes me a while to get back up to speed. It's not every day that you'll be going 87 mph and a cop is right next to you and others are passing you. That's just how it is.

    And about the horn comments - yeup, that's how it is.

    One other thing, a comedy skit I saw in Houston some 12 years ago was about how Houston has construction to alleviate traffic. See, it works this way: you set up construction workers, some barriers, some orange cones and lights on say... Chimney Rock. Everyone knows the road needs work, but there is always construction on it. People will see the construction and say "hey.. let's take a different route." Presto! Traffic diverted and relieved. Job well done. Now the construction workers will pick up and move to the next spot to relieve congested traffic.
     
  9. Gregg Willhoit

    Nov 1, 2003
    42
    Houston, Texas
    Full Name:
    Gregg Willhoit
    After a long drive back from Cocoa Beach Fl, upon entering the outskirts of Houston, it was like we were in a video game, and all of the sudden we were in level 10, cars darting in/out, braking hard, swerving, unbelievable. We had driven the 355 averaging a leisurely 90 mph, but 75 mph coming into houston was a shock. We had become desensitized to the pace on vacation, and it took me more than a few minutes to adjust to the new level of play.

    BTW, anyone doing anything special for the Superbowl?

    Gregg
     
  10. WJHMH

    WJHMH Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Sep 5, 2001
    20,753
    Panther City, Texas
    Full Name:
    Will
    Yeah, moving out of Houston!!!!


    LOL, great story Gregg
     

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