seeking legal help

Rob,

a few things...


1) I would spend the $$ for an hour of a family lawyers time. Just pay for a 1-hour consultation (and make sure you use all 1 hour of the snakes time! you're paying for it! LOL) and ask a lot of questions. Something else you should check into is are you in any way liable for back child support. You really need to talk to a lawyer who knows the laws in your state. 1 hour of lawyer time shouldn't cost too much and you'll have all the correct answers. You don't necessarily need to have them start any sort of case, you just need info.

2) My (limited) experience has been that it is *always* better for the adults to work these things out through compromise rather than through court. Who knows why this woman hasn't contacted you... maybe she was embarassed or maybe she didnt know how to reach you, etc. Who knows? It could be understandable that she would be guarded after 7 years to suddenly let you be with the kid half the time (maybe she doesn't want that and that's why she never pursued child support?) or maybe it's something else. I think if you can talk this over like adults, everyone will be better off.

3) If possible, you should subscribe for $10 and ask the mods to move this thread to the subscribed forum. God forbid it ever did turn nasty or there ever was any legal bickering, you absolutely don't want your statements above to be visible to anyone - especially opposition lawyers. A quick google search will bring up much more than you'd think. Just a word to the wise...

 

Call some attorney's in your area and see what they say? They'll give you a free consultation and set you on the right path. Good luck.

 

Tough situation-

I would suggest you contact an attorney in the jurisdiction where the Petition for Establishment of Parentage is filed. If not in your state, your state's law means little and you would be wasting your money.

Here are some issues to be aware of:

Potential back child support payments: Many states view this as an obligation even if you did not know as it is in "the best interests of the child."

Custody/Visitation: you will have the ability to have visitation of your child if you want (as long as you don't have certain criminal issues in your background).

Future child support: you will be on the hook for future payments; most likely based upon your proportional income compared with the mother's income.

The best thing would be to work this out with the mother. She may not have a lot of money for an attorney either. You could propose an agreed parenting plan, child support schedule and maybe have her agree to waive past support if you are not going to fight with an attorney.

It is always best to work it out on your own. Makes future dealings so much easier. That doesn't mean you should not consult an attorney if you find out you are a dad.

BTW not all of us are snakes... Quite a few of us will not charge for an initial consult. Always ask what the charge will be before meeting. Good luck.

 

Crusing is right. I find it is only 99% of lawyers making the rest look bad!

 

I am not anywhere near a lawyer, but these two guys seam to agree on the fact that you should try and work it out with the mother. I would say that is some pretty solid advise to go by. If I were you, I think I would try and do as these two gentlemen have said first then find out where she stands and go from there. Good luck!

 

Sounds great in theory but, someone has filled her head. Her coming out of the woodwork is most likely just about money. Depends on if she thinks she has the guy over a barrel? Of course go that route first but I'd make sure I knew where I stood legally before pursuing the nice guy route. GL with it and you never know how it'll work out with the kid? Might all be a good thing.

 

Lawyer.

If you already have one or know one, call and ask for a referral to one who is an expert in this area.

Absolutely no pun intended, this is nothing to screw around with. You want to get it right, and do what's right.

DM

 

The Boss has spoken, say no more........

 

Alleged. And Putative.

That's gonna cost ya.

Good luck,

ONe of the Lawyers.....

(Seriously, you need some help, if you can't afford counsel, one can seek legal representation through the local bar association, legal aid, etc. HIghly advised, even if the child proved to be yours and you wanted to 'do the right thing')

 

While not all lawyers are snakes, some of the family law attorneys I've met will take every last dime you have. Sorry, but I have a bad taste in my mouth from a few of them. Just be careful. But it's true that most lawyers aren't bad. I would think you could also call the child support office that it's filed with and ask them for info (or maybe you already did.) My friend used to work at the child support office and took calls all day from people with questions.

 

+1!

 

Have you seen the child before?

Put yourself in the childs position before you start getting to involved. How would it feel for the kid if you walked in tomorrow, and say 'hey dude, im your dad. whats up?'. While for the past 7.5 years maybe another guy was seen as the dad figure.

 

Congratulations. Many feel there is nothing as rewarding in life than being a parent.

Obviously, one of the things I would look into is a DNA test. I'm thinking it would be far better to know for sure BEFORE you get emotionally attached to this child in a big way. What if it turns out she is not your biological child? I couldn't think of a tougher heartbreak than finding that out a few years down the road. To be fair to the little girl, it would be best to know for sure. Even if you are 95% sure you are the father, I would still do it to eliminate all chance that you might be wrong. The emotional stakes for all involved are just too high not to. Pllus, I don't think the cost is extremely high for doing this test, but don't actually know.

You might also want to talk to a counselor on the best way to tell the girl you are her dad. Not sure when that is best to do. Right away? After she gets to know you, and learns to like you, as a "family friend" for a while? I have no idea.

Good luck.

 

The best possible outcome.

Congratulations.... DAD!

 

That's great news! It is always so much better for everyone involved if the parties can just act like adults and be reasonable and work things out.

 

Exactly or else all that win that situation would be the attorney.

 

yep, and they'll drag it out for years.