SO I get a call from my father today...

I’ve been doing my best get back on my feet after my father lost my interest in a body shop that invested in back in 2001. After I kept loaning money to him & warning him of these con artists he was dealing with despite my better judgment. When the shop was lost in 2003 & I figure was out of $115,000 of my own investment, let’s just say I wasn't on the best speaking terms with him. Later on I left Houston to take care of my mother that was hospitalized in Ft Worth so it was basically just like starting over for me. Even before I took on the responsibility of running the shop as my father took money out to buy anther business with (I wasn't told that he did this for over a week) I was forewarned of previous failed ventures he was involved in from other family members numerous warnings of the bigger better deal, easy money, etc…. I never got to know him growing up at the time I just wanted to get to know my father & learn with him. I loaned him the property as long as I had a decision or control of all business matters. I felt like I was being used just so he could get his hands on some property I had. I had no control over him after giving him what I had & things just went way the hell out of control.

So he calls me to see how everything is, he wants to bury the hatchet by offering me some sort of money making plan. www.jeffpaul.com Great, another scam he’s suckered into. All I want is to get my investment back & go on with my life. I have no idea why he thinks something like this will make thing a better? Sorry, I just got to vent. Some of you may know all the crap that I’ve been though, P.T. Barnum was right all along. I hope most of you here never have to go though this.

 

My suggestion would be have a sit down with him. Tell him that you don't want to hear about or be asked about anything having to do with money or business ever again. Tell him how important it is to you that he abide by this because you want a relationship with your father.

I think you should do everything you can to build that relationship, just make sure he knows you aren't coming off of anymore money. A relationship with a father is too important to miss.

I didn't even start having a relationship with my father til i moved away to NJ. Now it is totally different. I am back, and I live with him and help take care of him and though there are bumps, it is perfect. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

He was abusive both physically and emotionally when I was younger, but that is the past, and while I still harbor some animosity toward him for that, it was a small price to pay for the relationship I have with him now. The only thing that upsets me is the fact that I don't know how long I get to have him around.

Just don't give up on him. But do it in a smart way.

I really wish you the best of luck with this situation.

G

 

Sorry to hear your (ongoing) story.

We can't pick our families can we?

Hope somehow things work out between you two. It does seem he has trouble telling real opportunities from scams..

 

Gentry, sorry to hear about that. I've never known anyone that went through something like that.

I just got a call back from him, I told him that "the direct mail thing" is just for selling books based on an old idea. Any of the same info can be obtained at the library. I told him to forget it & money is earned by hard work & not some lame late night infomercial. It's the magic business beans all over again, God help him I'm getting sick of him being conned. He's demanding that I do this but what my sister has told me tonight he's really going off the deep edge. That's all I need to hear.

 

A LITTLE OT, BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT ACCIDENT AND YOUR MOM?? DID MY INFO HELP?? IF YOU WANT PM ME

THANKS
BRUCE

 

All ready taken care of, I called the man who hit her & he confessed to the accident. She also had a witness that worked there saw the whole thing. It's being handled now by his insurance company.

 

What do you do for a living? Do you do something that you could fold your father into? I have been racking my brain trying to find some way for me to take my father into a productive role, but he lacks the skills to do the things I need and he lacks the endurance to do the things he knows how to do. The strokes have rendered his hands not as useful as they once were, and his brain doesnt retain information (old or new) as well as it used to.

My dad was one of the rare men who made better than 100k a year as a mechanic. He turned down several offers from his company to move into executive management, he thought of himself as a worker, not a suit wearing executive. But they paid him well. Unfortunately, his employment is part of the cause of the problems he has today. He contributed alot to that company and implemented policies that saved it tons of money and made it much more profitable. And chances are good that every single one of you have used a product he was responsible for.

Try to find a way to have him work with you. It can be fruitful on multiple fronts. Financially for both of you, and much better in the form of forming a relationship.

 

Will, sorry to hear about this latest struggle. I don't really have much to offer in terms of advice, I think it's probably a situation that is too tough to fully explain to us, and so I hesitate to offer anything but "moral support" in any way I can. If you need anything, let me know.

 

Kitty is right. We can not pick our family but we can contain the damage.

It is sad to say that I have had to completely cut off two of my siblings entirely. In effect, they threw away their heritage and their family through mass stupidity.


I wish you luck.

 

Will, sorry to hear about this. Getting started is tuff enuf without having a monkey on your back. It's sad to say, but it sounds like you need to cut him loose. You have your own life to live. Your father needs to figure this out.

Dale

 

No, but we can set them on fire and butcher them and bury their pieces in the backyard, so no one will ever find them...

 

There are other posts about lending family members money.... search and read. Summary: Dont do it. Period.

In your original post you said you felt like he was only interested in you because of the hope of money. Your probably right. The money you invested before is gone. You will never get a penny back. That was a lesson. Dont make the same mistake twice!

I agree with what Gentry said. Make it clear you would like to have a relationship but that you will never give him money again and you will never be in business with him no matter what. You want a relationship based on familiy and love and one that has nothing to do with money. If he is ok with that great.... if he is not then you can be confident money was all he was ever after.


Terry