Some old, Some new...all funny

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do
you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my
husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the
most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax
pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is
essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to
each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's
favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather
ugly, so I'll stop right here.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down
the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She
directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says,
confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife
to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a
tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The
husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should
do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe
that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.......... "HEBREWS"