SPANISH GP: Humour From The Paddock: Coultard Fined, Etc *SPOILER*

(from autosport)


The Spanish Grand Prix marked the start of the European season, even though two out of the next three races (Turkey in Asia and Canada in North America) are not actually in Europe...

IKEA MOTORHOME
Not being a flyaway of course meant the return of the team motorhomes, and sure enough there were a few changes here and there as the collective quality of the hospitality units lifts up another notch each year.

And it was certainly no longer the case that the bottom end of the paddock was a mere shadow of the top end. For as well as McLaren's mighty Brand Centre at the far end (thanks to McLaren's relegation to the bottom of the pitlane), Force India chief Vijay Mallya had dug into his coffers to fund their new mighty edifice.

The tall black structure, with a canvas arched top that appeared to make it the tallest in the paddock, was cheekily nicknamed the 'Anti Tardis' by one team member - because it seemed far smaller inside than it looked from the outside.

And team principal Colin Kolles, unimpressed with the furniture that turned up with the motorhome, decided to head down to a nearby IKEA on the Thursday before the race to get some more comfortable chairs and tables.

FAT JOURNALISTS
The return of motorhomes also meant the return of easy access to far too big lunches - and Red Bull have decided this year to make sure journalists know exactly how much they are over-eating at grands prix.

In their Energy Station were a pair of scales so everyone could weigh themselves in Spain, and there will be a reweighing at the final European race at Monza to see just who has piled on the most pounds.

My own fears about an expanding gut were already realised on the first morning in Spain when I picked a pair of jeans out of my suitcase and wondered why it was impossible to get them around my waist.

Let's just say it would have helped if I had packed my own jeans, and not my wife's...

WHO WEARS THE PANTS?
Talking of who wears the trousers in a relationship, Rubens Barrichello explained over the weekend about how his future career path has been dictated by his wife.

The Brazilian is set for a reflective few weeks as he heads to the Turkish Grand Prix to break the record for the most Formula One starts in history. His family are going to be there for the celebrations and there will be one of several special helmets that he is wearing over the next few races.

But as well as being asked to look back over his career, there has been some talk of the future too. Honda Racing CEO Nick Fry has talked of Barrichello's Indian summer, and hinted that if he keeps his strong form up then there would be little reason to replace him next year.

Yet, there are no guarantees in F1 and Barrichello could find himself needing to do something else in 2009.

"I think life after Formula One is going to be a tough one," said Barrichello in Spain. "So I never thought about it. I cannot live without the speed yet. Maybe one day I will feel, 'OK, I've had enough', but now I just … I mean, there is so much adrenaline in qualifying, I still feel a burning inside. It's such a great feeling that I cannot see myself without it."

And there were even rumours suggesting a swap deal had been put in place that would see Barrichello head to IndyCar with Andretti-Green Racing, while Marco Andretti came the other way to race in F1.

The story was quickly dismissed, although there was an offer on the table. "Honestly, I have been asked if I would like to do IRL. I was invited to do Indianapolis – which is a great race – but the day I told my wife, she said, "I don't want you to do that".

"And that's what I told the guy – I said, "My wife said no, and I respect that". And then the next day, because I was invited all this story broke. It has been funny.

"Michael Andretti said that one day if I want to test the car it would be nice, and Tony Kanaan is my best friend, and he is there, so there is obviously a good connection. But no, I respect my wife – for the time being…"

COULTARD FINED
One driver partner who is likely to have to suffer the pain this week is David Coulthard's fiancee Karen Minier.

Coulthard's Scottish roots inevitably mean that he keeps a close eye on the purse strings, so he was pretty upset when he found he had got a 4,000 Euro fine for missing the Sunday morning drivers' parade in Spain.

The Red Bull Racing driver did his usual trick of turning up for the run on the back of the transporter at the last moment – but this time he got to the departure point only to see the truck already pressing on down the main straight.

Taking part in the drivers' parade is mandatory, so the FIA duly handed out their fine to Coulthard. The money is going to have to come out of his own pocket.

"I've told Karen no shopping and next week no food on the table," smiled Coulthard later in the day. "We'll take the pain together!"

But Coulthard was not going to let the fine go without an attempt to get it dropped – which he duly did when he was summoned to see the race stewards to talk about his collision with Timo Glock in the race.

"When I was with the stewards I said thank you for hearing what I had to say about the race, but can we talk about another event.

"I said: 'You've fined me 4,000 Euros, I've done 230-odd Grands Prix and never missed one except for Malaysia where I was ill and in the medical centre. So that's 4,000 Euros out of my children's inheritance!'

"There was no reaction from them. No smile or anything. So I then said to them: 'Okay, let's cut it to 2000 Euros if I pay in cash.' Still no reaction.

"So I then asked (FIA representative) Alan Donnelly if he could translate that, because that is somewhat funny in English. But he said it was only funny in Scottish…"

MEDIA KARTING EVENT
If the race stewards had a hard time dealing with Coulthard's humour, who knows how they would have coped with the real race of the weekend – Bridgestone's annual media karting event.

The race at a great little track near the Circuit de Catalunya has become a social highlight of the season, and each year it gets more competitive and more serious – although still a hell of a lot of fun.

Team Autosport were keen to follow up on their podium from 2007, and had roped in Bridgestone press officer Andy Stobart, who had revealed he was a bit of a star behind the wheel.

Stobart, once on board, then took things dead seriously. Having been in Barcelona for the pre-Spanish Grand Prix test, Stobart made sure to visit the kart track for some early reconnaissance laps to get himself up to speed.

And he was so excited about the race and his prospects when he flew out to the actual Spanish Grand Prix, that while packing his karting boots and gloves, he forgot to pack his team uniform trousers. That meant a first day in the paddock of begging other Bridgestone employees to see if he could borrow some clothes for the weekend!

Stobart did not let us down though. Despite a kart that had a five-second lag between the throttle being pushed down and the power actually kicking in, the team that compromised of Stobart, Autosport's Grand Prix editor Steve Cooper, Autosport's GP2 man Charles Bradley, F1 Racing's Bradley Lord and myself, fought back from a disappointing ninth on the grid to take third place.

The event was won by former Grand Prix driver Marc Surer's Premiere 1 outfit again, with ex F1-test driver Bas Leinders helping his Belgian friends to second.

And Leinders summed it up perfectly afterwards. "Well, that's the only overtaking and proper racing we are going to see all weekend…"

 

At least there is some humour in F1. Otherwise, why bother??