>Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honor >given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing >themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. > >Last year's winner was t! he fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which >toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of >it. > >And the nominees this year in reverse order are: > >7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, >because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with >milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into >the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his >house down killing both him and his sister. > > 6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died >of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and >weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and >white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared he was trying to create >a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that >had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attac! hed in its place. >The other end of the hose was connected to one end o f a hollow tube >approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into >his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. >Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his >family very awkward. > >5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when >another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the >occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and >crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around >their ankles. > > 4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he >tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. >Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch >of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the >other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped, and hit the >pavement. Warren Carmichael, a! police spokesman, said investigators think >Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby "The length of the cord >that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the >ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major >trauma." > >3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a >friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The >friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized. > >2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of >a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all >potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had >been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon >entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the >dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later >described the! sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and >retrievi ng an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of >the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces >of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the >lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected >of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. > > > > > >AND THE WINNER..... > > > > > >1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez >tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. >Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez >managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. >Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank >on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly >in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, >collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately ! for Sanchez, the >height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than >his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. >Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was >plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other >testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing >of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, >Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro >shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital >for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course. > >This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But >because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, >we have allowed it.
Vik, Thanks for posting! I absolutely love it when these come out. But the worst part??!! -- before they died, we actually let these people VOTE. Steve
These are the awards from 2005: Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners. Darwin Award Winners: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in years
