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The Golden Rules so Boys Can Play With Their Cars

Discussion in 'United Kingdom' started by D11VE:J, Mar 27, 2005.

  1. D11VE:J

    D11VE:J Formula 3

    Nov 9, 2004
    1,030
    Gentlemen, things you never knew; We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules*from the male side.

    These are our rules:

    Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    To all Ladies;

    1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to*change that

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put*it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining*about you leaving it down.

    1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the*tides. Let it be

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it*that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    1. Subtle hints do not work!
    1. Strong hints do not work!
    1. Obvious hints do not work!
    1. JUST SAY IT!

    1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
    Not both, If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials and not in the middle of the F1 Broadcast

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
    Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine,*Really

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to*discuss
    such topics as:
    Sex, Sport, or our F/Cars

    1. You have enough clothes

    1. You have too many shoes

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
    couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

    Guys - Brothers in Arms; Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh and then Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education


    D11VE:J
     
  2. steve f

    steve f F1 World Champ

    Mar 15, 2004
    12,030
    12cylinder town
    Full Name:
    steve
    In my house i make all the rules if anybody dont like them they are welcome to leave
     
  3. barabus

    barabus F1 Rookie

    Aug 22, 2004
    4,777
    12 Cylinder Village
    Full Name:
    Si
    Good job your misses won't read this eh!!!


    :D:D
     
  4. jeffQV

    jeffQV F1 Rookie

    Feb 13, 2004
    2,976
    NZ
    Full Name:
    jeff
    Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for (quote)


    I guess thats the basic difference, men ask a mate for a solution, get it, and then follow it through. Women ask for a solution then question why the man suggested the solution to a problem she says she was not aware of!
     
  5. acpes

    acpes Formula Junior

    Aug 11, 2004
    910
    west 12cylinderville
    Full Name:
    Andy
    Hey Steve,
    good job you can type what the wife's dictating to you through the bog door M8:D
     
  6. sletti

    sletti F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Nov 19, 2003
    5,084
    NW Kent
    Full Name:
    Stig W
    Music to my ears......!
     
  7. Nicola

    Nicola Formula Junior

    Sep 10, 2004
    621
    Northampton
    So how do I get a guy to wash my car then?

    Women can never have enough rules.

    Anyway, here are some jokes for the girls (to make things a little more even). :p

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 mins.

    How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    How do men sort their laundry?
    Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

    Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
    The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.

    What is the difference between a battery and a man?
    A battery has a positive side.

    What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence?
    Divorced.

    What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A rumour.

    A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
    The woman says, "I'll miss you."

    Hope you like them :)
     
  8. Dale

    Dale F1 Veteran

    Oct 7, 2003
    5,211
    uk
    Full Name:
    Dale Juan
    :D :D :D Like the battery one.
     
  9. sletti

    sletti F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Nov 19, 2003
    5,084
    NW Kent
    Full Name:
    Stig W
    Nicola,

    My missus says "100% true and accurate", and sho's glad to see that there is someone to counter the misogyny on here (we had to look up the spelling of that one)!!!!
     
  10. steve f

    steve f F1 World Champ

    Mar 15, 2004
    12,030
    12cylinder town
    Full Name:
    steve
    thats what i like a women who can give it back and she has a fast car can you cook as well nicola ??
     
  11. jaturon

    jaturon Formula 3

    Oct 25, 2004
    1,599
    Bangkok Thailand
    Full Name:
    Zane
    One of the best threads, LOL
     
  12. KamX

    KamX Karting

    Nov 15, 2004
    114
    Birmingham
    Full Name:
    Kam
    I actually AGREE with most of the 'rules' Dave has posted here.....except the following:-


    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we


    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


    2 out of 29 ain't bad!!! I'm nearing perfect :D :D :D
     
  13. CUE99T

    CUE99T Formula Junior

    Feb 28, 2004
    815
    Scotland
    Full Name:
    Paul
    I make all the rules in our house..........til fiona comes home!!
     
  14. spidermanUK

    spidermanUK Formula 3

    Feb 26, 2005
    1,602
    UK
    Full Name:
    Clive
    I would've posted earlier but I had to iron my g/f's trousers
     
  15. Andy hls

    Andy hls Formula Junior

    Dec 17, 2003
    653
    Kent UK
    Full Name:
    Andy
    Im in the process of printing them at the moment, for the record i agree with all of them, BUT, if she thinks i wrote them, then it was nice knowing you.


    Andy.
     
  16. barabus

    barabus F1 Rookie

    Aug 22, 2004
    4,777
    12 Cylinder Village
    Full Name:
    Si
    Mysoganist,

    thats a good un Stig...

    But we don't hate 'em

    We're just Better than them

    :D :D :D :D
     
  17. Izza

    Izza Formula 3

    Nov 3, 2003
    1,046
    London
    So how did you mess up so badly then? The term for a female is spelt S-H-E.
     
  18. sletti

    sletti F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Nov 19, 2003
    5,084
    NW Kent
    Full Name:
    Stig W
    Erm, (thinks up excuse) it is a hybrid between the word "she" and the word "ho"......

    I spent so much time making sure I had spelt misogyny correct, that I missed the obvious..... :)
     

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