the most important question of your life

Should God fearing people celebrate the Devil's birthday?

As every True Christian knows, Halloween is a Catholic High Holy Day (called such for the use of opiates in most Catholic rituals) when priests and nuns throughout the land light candles and incense to bring the relics of their so-called saints back to life. Once these buried bones, shrunken heads, vials of semen and Mary’s breast milk are summoned to life by Lucifer, they are sent out into Godly communities to try to scare Bible-believing Christians and take their wallets and purses. For this reason, in 1994, the Landover community passed a law banning Halloween and Catholics. Unfortunately, after the arrest and imprisonment of over 350 so-called “trick or treaters” under the age of 10 and the shutdown of two Roman Catholic parishes, the liberal Iowa Supreme Court sided with Lucifer (as usual) and made this ungodly Catholic celebration of Satan’s birthday once again legal. But True Christians are fighting back and making Halloween a victory for the Lord Jesus.

When little Nathan De'Angelo puts on his Halloween costume this year, it won't be used for ungodly trick or treating. It will however, be used to put the fear of the Living God into any unsaved child that might pass his way. Mrs. Larry Rice, owner of the Biblical Costume Shop at The Landover Baptist Jesus Mall, Firearms Gallery and Food Court, says that the Holy Ghost Halloween costume is on back order. "We sold over 200 in one day," she said. "It is the most frightening costume I have ever seen, and when you add the blood, severed demon head and the giant axe, it enough to send a shiver down your spine!"

Little Nathan De'Angelo told his teachers at Landover Christian Academy: "Me and a bunch of other kids are going to win souls with our Halloween costumes this year." He went on to say, "we are going to find some unsaved liberal kids with devil costumes and present them with the gospel. If they refuse to accept Jesus, we are going to tear off their costumes and burn them right there in the street! If we can't get their costumes, we are going to beat the devil out of them. And take their candy as a love offering for the glory of God!"

"What an exciting night this is going to be!" Pastor Deacon Fred told the congregation last Sunday. "I am behind our children 100%. The Holy Ghost is going to attack Satan on his own birthday. We, as adults, should admire Godly children like Nathan who have the guts to stand up for their faith. These sweet kids are living out the words of Jesus when he said, 'I came not to bring peace, but a sword!' (Matthew 10:34). I think a fist works just as well as a sword when it comes to doing battle with real live demons! If a little six-year-old girl thinks it is cute to dress up like a witch, then she needs to find out what happens to real witches. Maybe she’ll change her little mind when she ends up in the bottom of a well or under 150 pounds of rocks. Children need to understand that when you embrace Satan, you are invoking the fury of Almighty God. And anyone who reads the Old Testament knows that God loves to kill children -- even without a reason. So these crafty children who thumb their noses at God by dressing up to please Satan are playing a very dangerous game."

The Holy Ghost Halloween costume was designed by Mrs. Judy O'Christian. "I was visiting my son at the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota last May when the idea came to me," she said. "I designed the costume that very night, and used it on some of the demon possessed kids the next day. You should have seen the looks on their faces when the Holy Ghost came into the room with a giant axe! I said 'Boo!' and one of the little devils nearly jumped out the window," she noted. Several children soiled themselves and were subsequently deprived of food to avoid such a disgrace from reoccurring. "If the Holy Ghost Costume can scare demon-possessed kids, just think how much it will creep young unsaved liberals, Nancy boys, Tom girls, and Jews. We're doing the Lord's work!"

"True Christians know that the Devil's Birthday is no joke," Pastor Deacon Fred said. "We have had it with Satan! We have had it with his Clinton/Gore army of demons trying to ruin the world with their liberal media! I gotta tell you folks, Halloween will never be the same! Our kids are not playing games anymore! This October 31st, Freehold Iowa better prepare to get spooked by the Holy Ghost!"


Have a good day!
[email protected] < my home email address


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10 Holy Tips for Halloween

1. Wait for unsaved children to come to your door and hurl a bucket full of warm lamb's blood (goat or dog blood can be substituted later in the night if you run out) all over their hair and faces. Shout - "I plead the power of the Blood of the Perfect Lamb over you! Take that! FOUL DEMON!"

2. Dress up as the freshly resurrected Christ. To make your costume as realistic as possible: (a) use your mother's sewing needles to poke holes in your hands and stomach; (b) wear bluish makeup to look like someone who has been dead and lying around in a cave for a couple of days; and (c) stuff five pounds of week-old hamburger meat in your pockets to smell like rotting flesh. Sneak up behind people, grab them, turn them around, look them in they eyes and scream, "Why have you forsaken me!" And then slap them very hard across the face with a palm-full of rancid hamburger meat. It will usually scare the living Hell out of little children, and they are sure to remember their first experience with Jesus for the rest of their pathetic lives.

3. Offer to exchange your giant treat bag with the small bag of an unsaved child - when he gets home, surprise! BIBLES!

4. Paint your face black, dress up in a flashy suit, and wander around a predominantly colored neighborhood - talking Ebonics into a cell phone about how the Lord Jesus saved you &#8211; in a voice loud enough to wake the sleeping winos! This doesn't have to be just for Halloween. You can try this anytime. When they ask what you are talking about, simply reply, "Yo, yo, yo wazzup? I be off da chain for Jesus! I be pimpin' for da playa JC on the fly with mad props." Then give them one of those arthritic hand signals the Bloods give their friends, the Crips. Most likely, they will persecute you for righteousness sake.

5. Vincent Price may have thought he was scary, but nothing touches the Lord when it comes to the gruesome and macabre! With baby dolls and ketchup, use your front lawn to stage a realistic reenactment of when the Lord got jealous of Samarians worshiping a rival god and ordered that their children be hacked to pieces and their pregnant women experience the Lord's abortion-by-sword calling card. (Hosea 13:16).

6. The only costume you should be wearing is "The Holy Ghost Halloween Costume." Jesus makes it quite clear in Matthew Chapter 12:31 that there is one unforgivable sin, and that is blasphemy of the Holy Ghost. So, remember not to say anything unflattering about yourself while in this costume &#8211; or you will instantly damn yourself.

7. Feed almonds to your Christian family dog for the two months leading up to Satan's birthday, Halloween. Follow him around with a pooper scooper. Carefully place the dog-filth in Almond Joy candy wrappers. Sealed in plastic, also insert a Bible verse. At the end of the Bible verse, in very small type, provide a warning not to eat the "candy." That way, wicked children who choose candy over the Word of God will get exactly what they deserve!

8. When trick-or-treaters come to your door, tell them you are no different than the Lord Jesus when it comes to playing host to sinners. Then, take them into your basement (where the heater is set as hot as it will go) and torture them.

9. One of the best ways to witness on Halloween is by banging on a door, running into the living room and declaring that you will not leave the home of the unsaved until they sit and listen to you read an entire Chick Tract!

10. Place a burning cross in your front yard, dress your kids up as ghosts, form a circle around the cross, and sing hymns all night.

Have a good day!
[email protected] < my home email address


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