Once upon a time...
...there was this beautiful, beautiful Ferrari, ZFFCW56A430134282. It was black with a black interior - the most beautiful thing in all of existence.
...and thus, his perpetual laziness and ADD put him right back to square one, where he wondered, "Once upon a time..."
...the pedophile squad busted in and you ran out the fire escape, moved to Texas and became a computer programmer type.
Then lost half his height due to a tragic mishap at the ESPN lumberjack competition. He became extremely bitter and opened an exotic automobile repair business.
but, knowing that in Texas, there is always at least one thing worse than a pedophile, he began to assemble a massive database of every black car ever made in Italy....
As the realization of what he had done sunk in, he reached with a shaky hand, for the bottle of vodka he secretly kept in the bottom drawer.
Only to find that the vodka had been replaced with a loaded pistol, an over ripe Georgia peach, and a butt plug!!!
he figured it wasnt the right way to go, and decided to watch some Family Guy episodes he had videotaped.
As he hit the "Play" button on the remote, he realized he had left in the secret video from the playground.
Watching the footage was humiliating. Though the experience was painful, it brought him intense feelings of....
