The Really Cheesy Stupid Joke Thread

Two muffins are in an oven and one muffin says to another "man its hot in here" the other says "HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN!"

 

What do you call an Irishman with a shovel in his head?

Doug

 

What do you call a Pakistani with a piece of ham on his head?

*imagine accent* Hamed


What do you call a Pakistani with 2 slices of ham on his head?


...... Mohamed

 

Energizer Bunny Arrested.





Charged with battery.

 

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.

 

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What do you say when a dog runs away?
Dog-gone!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

 

Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.

 

Tony i cant believe i actually laughed at your jokes.

 

You know what you get when you cross JoAnn Worley with Admiral Byrd?






JoAnn Worley Byrd.



For the uninitiated/Timing is everything/You had to be there disclaimer:
That's my first stand-up joke - told in 6th grade to a classroom of 30 who *roared* - Everybody knew who Jo Ann Worley was, since she was the nuttiest woman on a TV show called Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, then at the height of it's powers. Goldie Hawn, the dancing eye candy, became a household name on Laugh-In.

 

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Ilene.

What do you call an asian girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene.

What do you call a boy with one leg missing below the knee?

Skip

And then there are the leper jokes.....

 

Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet under instead of the usual 6?











Because deep down they're really good!

 

From a well known movie

Papa tomato keeps telling his son to keep up the pace as their walking down the street. Junior tomato pays no attention, and papa gets mad and stomps on him and squooshes the boy. "Ketchup!" he screams

 

A guy walks into a bar... and says ouch.

 

when i get a little tipsy i tend to tell bad pirate jokes....for your amusement....pirate jokes

Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It’s rated AARRRRGGH! And do you know why? Because of all the booty!

A pirate walks into a bar with this enormous steering wheel stuck down his pants. The bartender can’t help but ask, “What’s with the steering wheel?” “ARRRRGGH,” the pirate answers, “it’s drivin’ me nuts.”

What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!

thats it for now

 

What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?

I'm the weiner.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying on your porch?

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?

Art

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?

Bob

Leper jokes?

Did you know lepers invented ice hockey? They must have. Haven't you heard the term face off in the corner?

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?

If it had been invented anywhere else, they would have called it a teethbrush.

 

What has 200 feet and 14 teeth?

100 people standing in line at an Arkansas buffet.

 

Patient: I want to get breast implants but I can't afford it.

Doctor: No problem. We'll work out a loan payment of $200 a month for 36 months.

Patient: And I want to look like Pamela Anderson

Doctor: In that case, we'll make it a balloon note.

 

Since were on the Arkansas thing...

If you divorce your wife in Arkansas is she still your sister?