The Talk To Yourself Thread (from a padded cell)

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

187

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

Are you serious? Is this an unequivocal statement that you saw the Fat C*untroller in the 187 Club?

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

Why do you have to keep questioning me every time I speak? I said that I saw the Fat C*untroller in the 187 Club and that is where I saw him.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

It's not helping my quest at all if every time I seek confirmation you begin to lose your temper. All I wished to ascertain is where you saw the Fat C*untroller and that you have now confirmed. Thank you.

However, will you inform me, please, when it actually was that you saw the Fat C*untroller in the 187 Club?

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Daer Comrade 512 Tea Are,

Don't keep patronising me - you're always doing it.

I saw the Fat C*untroller in the 187 Club on Thursday of last week.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

I am not patronising you and I am sorry that you think that I am. However, please accept my full apology for not patronising you.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

Sometimes I think to myself "Why do I bother" . . . . . . . . . you've never been any fucquing different. Always fucquing patronising me - I swear you don't even know you're fucquing doing it. Or do you? You really piss me off. I've answered your continually probing questions, and never is it enough. Bollocks to you.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

Calm down, calm down! You've always had a short fuse. However, I apologise unequivocally for not patronising you and for patronising you, as quite clearly I must have done this - but only ever unwittingly.

However, with regard to the Fat C*untroller: If you saw him in the 187 Club what am I to presume from this? Am I to presume that he is a member? Is this actually the case?

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

Yes. But this is in the strictest of confidence. I am able to confirm that the Fat C*untroller is indeed a member of the 187 Club.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

There is something hugely suspicious going on here. So just tell me "Are you also a member of the 187 Club?"

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

Yes. I am a member of the 187 Club. As is the Fat C*untroller.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

You're just testing my patience for there is no way in this world that HUD and HAZY would have the Fat C*untroller within the hallowed portals of the 187 Club. It's all utter rubbish. And I do not believe that you are a member either.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

I am a member. The Fat C*untroller is also a member. We were both initiated on the same day.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

Okay. If that's the case, just tell me where the club 187 is located.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear comrade 512 Tea Are,

I have sworn an oath of silence and its location I cannot divulge - even upon the pain of death I cannot reveal its whereabouts.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

But, we have known each for so many years. Surely, you will know that your secret would be held tightly within my safekeeping?

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

No. I cannot do as you ask. I dare not. The oath that I have undertaken has obligations.

I cannot, nay, I will not reveal or impart any details of whatsoever nature.

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

My Dearest Comrade, Friend and Ally, 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

But we are the truest of friends and have been so for many aeons. How can you keep these secrets from me? However, I shall not press you as your conscience must be in the utmost turmoil.

But perchance you may be able to offer the merest of clues as to its whereabouts. For example, if I were to say "is it in London", you could confirm with either 'yay or nay.'

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

Well, I do not feel that I shall have compromised my integrity by informing you thus: "yay'"

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

Thank you for showing such confidence - you are truly a man to which we should all aspire - not least myself. But my knowledge of London is not at all great. However, and by a process of deduction I am thinking that the address must surely be in the South West of London and therefore the address is likely to be xxxxxxx xxxxxxx Street, London SW1. For Hudson and Hazy would have no lesser address than something in SW1. Are you able to confirm, dearest comrade, that Club 187 is indeed located in SW1. Again, an "yay or nay" will suffice.

I should be most grateful, please, if you will confirm.

With kind regrds,

512 Tea Are

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are,

I do not feel that merely divulging a postal area can possibly compromise myself with regard to the oath of allegiance and silence that I undertook upon the pain of death.
"Yay, it is SW1"

With kind regrds,
512 Tea Are - alter ego

 

Dear Comrade 512 Tea Are - alter ego,

Thank you. It is a coincidental happenstance that I have a friend that resides in SW1.
He lives in Eaton Square. Could it be a further coincidence that the 187 Club is situated close by to my friend?

Please, do not feel an obligation to respond as I do not wish for you to break the vows that you have undertaken. But could there be any harm at all in confirming with our now customary "Yay or a Nay?" No, I think not. You could not possibly be compromised. So, dearest comrade, could it perchance be Eaton Square?

May I hear from you soon, please?

With kind regards,

512 Tea Are