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There are Many Rooms in my Brain

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by UroTrash, Jan 4, 2006.

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  1. UroTrash

    UroTrash Four Time F1 World Champ
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    #1 UroTrash, Jan 4, 2006
    As I drive along, whether there are passengers in the car or not, a constant stream of commentary bounces around inside my head related to my fellow motorists.

    I bet you do the same thing.

    I have discovered that there is a rigid hierarchy in my brain with various descriptions assigned to drivers depending on their real or perceived transgressions against me.

    Here are my usual motorist descriptors, used strictly in my brain if a minor is in the car but often SCREAMED if I’m in the car by my self.

    10. Turd: Probably the mildest offense, one that rarely makes me feel like actual homicide. This is usually prompted by someone who parks crooked enough to prevent a ding-conscious motorist from using the next spot.

    Use in a sentence (in brain) after spotting a slot that turns out to be uninhabitable: “Turd.”

    9. @sshole: A distant relative of the Turd, the @sshole gets my slot as I’m approaching it. Usually in a Chrysler product from the 1980s.

    Use in a sentence: “Fffhhh....@sshole.”

    8. Piece-o’-S**t: This is an elderly pinball. You know, an old person (fedora optional) that drives slowly, weaving within their given lane bouncing off the yellow line and the white line. Often delays a train of 8 or more cars.

    Use in a sentence. “D@mn Piece-o’- s**t.”

    7. F**king B**ch. 2 words: Cell phone and mini-van (OK 3 words). Need I say more?

    Use in a sentence: <Screamed in empty car> &#8220;HANG UP THE F**KING PHONE YOU F**KING B**TH AND USE YOUR F*CKING TURN SIGNAL&#8221;

    6. C*nt: Often a &#8220;F**king B**ch&#8221;(see above), that does not use the turn signal. Yes, there is over lap in the descriptors, but this is an internal brain activity over which I have no control.

    C*nts often drive dinged automatic Maximas. Often big hair as well. Usually younger than a "F*cking B**ch", often smoking on her way to the tanning bed.

    Use in a sentence: &#8220;TURN SIGNAL, C*NT!&#8221;

    5. D*ckhead: Closely related to a &#8220;C*nt&#8221;, but of an alternative gender.

    Use in a sentence: &#8220;TURN SIGNAL, D*CKHEAD!&#8221;

    4. Sh*thead: One who delays a line of traffic on a twisty 2 lane road with out passing lanes. Yes, it may be a &#8220;Piece-O&#8217;-Sh*t&#8221; ( see above), but the true Sh*thead will usually speed up in the straights. Rural setting: Farm truck; suburban setting: 70's vintage vinyl topped Olds.

    Use in a sentence: &#8220;GO YOU F*CKING SH*THEAD.&#8221;

    3. @sswipe: Someone who pulls in front of me then goes REALLY SLOW.

    Usually elderly, often in a Caddy.

    Use in a sentence: <BRAIN ACTIVITY> "G*DD*MN @SSWIPE!!!!&#8221;

    2. F*ckWad: Someone who feels that 12 inches of my lane can be usurped because I&#8217;m in a small car or motorcycle. Often in a curve. OFTEN.

    Use in a sentence: ( mouthed graphically even if no words come out) &#8220; Get over you F*ckwad!&#8221;.
    If on a motorcycle accompanied by a vigorous pointing left index finger pointing to their lane in the manner of a master pointing to a newspaper and saying &#8220;Bad Dog!&#8221;

    1. M*therF**ker: The very worse. I go ballistic over these, well..... M*therF*ckers. . This is a &#8220;F*ckwad&#8221; (see #2), who not only takes part of my lane but does it around a blind curve and STAYS in my lane. Inevitably drives an obscenely large Dodge 4x4 truck, usually 2 tone. Extra points for a dually.

    Use in a Sentence : Screamed in my motorcycle helmet: &#8220;G*DD*MN M*THERF*CKER, GET IN YOUR F*CKING LANE YOU M*THERF*CKING PIECE-O&#8217;-SH*T&#8221;.


    So, there you go, my top ten road offenders, I&#8217;m sure you have some as well.
     
  2. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

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    #2 BigAl, Jan 4, 2006
    uh....cliff.....cut back on the caffeine dude....
     
  3. jimpo1

    jimpo1 Two Time F1 World Champ
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    #3 jimpo1, Jan 4, 2006
    Somebody REALLY needs to go back to work.
     
  4. judge4re

    judge4re F1 World Champ

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    #4 judge4re, Jan 4, 2006
    No, somebody really needs a Ferrari...
     
  5. bpu699

    bpu699 F1 World Champ
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    #5 bpu699, Jan 4, 2006
    Repeat after me:

    Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya :)....

    My wife used to laugh her as* off at folks driving minivans. They are all idiots! Can't drive. Wouldn't be caught dead in one of those...

    3 kids later, she has a minivan. Loves it. Three screaming kids in back. A one year old she has to constantly keep from crying. DVD playing at all times. Starbucks in the right hand. TOM TOM screaming out directions. Cell phone occasionally going off. Husband in the passenger seat mumbling "Drive smoothly, I don't want to spill my coffee...."

    I find it humorous :)...

    I sympathize with you Uro... The key to survival out there is to buy the biggest, oldest suv, with a bumper guard, brush guard, and off road lights. Then jack it up on oversized tires. My friend owns one of these...people WILL get out of your way....
     
  6. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    #6 BigTex, Jan 4, 2006
    I took Lil' Bull's skateboard to work the other day....

    Push.........glide...............push...............glide...........push...........glide.

    Needs new wheel bearings, I think.....

    Roads here are all clogged with illegals, in search of the Good Life. Best not get in the way.
     
  7. jimpo1

    jimpo1 Two Time F1 World Champ
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    #7 jimpo1, Jan 4, 2006
    If he had a Ferrari, he'd be using his graphic descriptors more often! :D
     
  8. UroTrash

    UroTrash Four Time F1 World Champ
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    #8 UroTrash, Jan 4, 2006
    Ah, well aren't you all a bunch of harmonic well adjusted friendly courteous do-gooders?

    I have an idea! Get outta my f**king way.
     
  9. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

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    #9 BigAl, Jan 4, 2006
    "YOU LITTLE SCUMBAG! I GOT YOUR NAME, I GOT YOUR ASS, NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20 NUMNUTS!!!!!"
     
  10. Erich

    Erich Formula 3

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    #10 Erich, Jan 4, 2006
    What about the clueless dweeb with their turnsignal perpetually flashing.
    Its usually a Q-tip in a Buick.

    My mind starts going IDIOT....IDIOT...IDIOT in synch with the turnsignal.
     
  11. rcallahan

    rcallahan F1 Rookie
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    #11 rcallahan, Jan 4, 2006
    EURO, you're preaching to the choir!!
     
  12. UroTrash

    UroTrash Four Time F1 World Champ
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    #12 UroTrash, Jan 4, 2006

    Yeah! That's it!
     
  13. UroTrash

    UroTrash Four Time F1 World Champ
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    #13 UroTrash, Jan 4, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  14. DrStranglove

    DrStranglove FChat Assassin
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    #14 DrStranglove, Jan 4, 2006
    You forgot the "Pulling out the gun" part.
     
  15. speedy_sam

    speedy_sam F1 Veteran

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    #15 speedy_sam, Jan 4, 2006
    Uro, you may need find room for another characteristic driver - usually found in highways of Texas, Arizona and California.

    Basically, the dude or dudette is some distance ahead of you chugging along at 60 in a 65 mph road and sees a bus/truck/rental truck ahead and decides that (s)he needs to pass. So (s)he pulls alongside the aforementioned truck and then just stays in tandem ignoring the fact that you have closed up on both of them and want to pass.

    You pass finally after goading the sh1thead into action by flashing your headlights after your blood pressure boils over. Frequently is a SUV or minivan driver.
     
  16. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

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    #16 BigAl, Jan 4, 2006
    that somehow makes him look even creepier, if that was possible...
     
  17. ylshih

    ylshih Shogun Assassin
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    #17 ylshih, Jan 4, 2006
    I thought he had your driver covered under: #8 (Piece-o’-S**t), #4 (Sh*thead) or #3 (@sswipe) :D
     
  18. Dubai Vol

    Dubai Vol Formula 3

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    #18 Dubai Vol, Jan 4, 2006
    I have found that there are two kinds of drivers on the road.

    The first type is the ones who are driving slower than I am. These people are "morons."

    The second type is people who are driving faster than I am. These people are "maniacs."

    I am the only person who always drives the correct speed!!!!!!!! :D

    [Editor's note: before DV moved to Dubai he had never actually encountered a "maniac."]
     
  19. judge4re

    judge4re F1 World Champ

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    #19 judge4re, Jan 4, 2006
    Yes, but if he really got into it, he'd be swearing in Italian...
     
  20. DMC

    DMC Formula 3

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    #20 DMC, Jan 5, 2006
    I usually just think, "move it, b*tch", male or female driver, doesn't matter.
     
  21. wax

    wax Five Time F1 World Champ
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    #21 wax, Jan 5, 2006
    Oh, I've got a few rooms...

    A ssmunch: tailgater
    A sswipe: high beams in rearview
    B unghole: high beams
    D ipsh it: signals... specifically, lack of them.
    F uckwipe: cut me off
    F uckhead: lane-changer extraordinaire
    D ickbreath: shut up and drive
    J esus H. Christ: came outta nowhere, faster than the blink of an eye
    D ingbat: slo-mo turns
    D ouchebag: slo-mo turns without signaling
    S mootbag: slo-mo turns from my lane, when they could pull over... a lot
    A sshole: slo-mo turns from my lane, without signaling , when they could pull over... a lot
    C unt: coming towards me, turns in my path, slow, fast, signals or not
     
  22. FarmerDave

    FarmerDave F1 World Champ
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    #22 FarmerDave, Jan 8, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  23. joker57676

    joker57676 Two Time F1 World Champ

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    #23 joker57676, Jan 8, 2006


    I do a lot of highway travel between Tucson and Las Vegas, and you pegged perfectly what is going to cause me to have a heart attack before I turn 23. Those people have seriously taken years off my life. I also contribute the few gray hairs I have to them...lol.

    Mark
     

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