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Things we should know..............

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by darth550, Jan 21, 2004.

  1. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    59,031
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    MAKING COFFEE

    Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's
    got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir...
    gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak.
    And then you put in the milk.

    LAYING A CARPET

    Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
    You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk
    all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try
    an underlay.

    HANGING WALLPAPER

    Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a
    beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on
    the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your
    brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

    PUTTING UP A TENT

    Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful
    woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and... slip into
    the old bag.

    WASHING A CAR

    Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
    You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And
    give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got
    a nice wet sponge.

    ANSWERING THE PHONE

    Answering the phone, is... a little like making love to a beautiful
    woman. In that you've gotta... lift the receiver, put it to your ear,
    speak... loudly and clearly... oh, yes - and don't forget to state
    your name.

    BEING IN A CRASH

    Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine carpile-up on a dual
    carriage-way, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
    First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a
    rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon
    as possible.

    GOING FISHING

    Of course, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often
    thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a
    beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle,
    carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that
    may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full
    length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at
    the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a
    decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot
    in your bag.

    BEING IN THERAPY

    And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful
    woman. You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies
    and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your
    money.

    ____________________________

    DL
     
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