This sounds like a job for Urotrash.....

That's just nuts.

 

Doesn't every bridegroom get his nuts padlocked by his buddies the night before? .......or is that just in NC?

 

The man has a lock on nutty behavior.

 

Can you imagine him trying to get through security at the airport?

 

Geez......given the weight of the average padlock......kinda gives a new meaning to the word lugnuts.

 

That prank took some BIG balls!

 

Thats messed up. Hacksaw. The balls it took to attempt that.

 

Most urologists have a good story (or hundred stories) about the silly things men do with their genitals. That's why you should always invite us to cocktail parties...

My first week in urology, I took care of a guy who had his penis stuck in a weightlifting collar (that fits at the end of a free weight bar). We cut it off (the collar, not the penis!) in the OR with an electric saw from the hospital maintenance guy -- we gave him scrubs and he assisted in the surgery with the case.

 

I call BS.

I can't imagine a person being able to get their member stuck in a weightlifting collar. It's not like you can't reduce the size of things with a nice bucket of ice water. Some soap or oil might work, too. Most weightlifting collars are also expandable (the spring type anyway) since you have to get them on the freeweight bar in the first place (unlike a lock that gets a lot smaller). Besides, inviting the hospital maintenance guy to help out in the OR with an electric saw? Where do you work, the middle of the amazon? How barbaric. Sounds like BS to me.

 

Hmm. Not to mention the heat that would be generated by the friction of cutting it off.

 

I don't think it's BS at all. You either would or would not be surprised at some of the uh, measures that have taken place over the years. Something they used to call good, old-fashioned American ingenuity.

It's not like the guy's gonna just let it run wide open, non-stop at 10,000 RPM and be totally distracted.

Soap or Oil?

Didn't you guys ever see the show Emergency!? Actual Cast uh, Member Names follow.

Sirens & Lights
Dr. Kelly Brackett: "Nurse, rub this oil on this man's penis."
Nurse Wilma Jacobs: "Okay!"
Paramedics John Gage & Roy DeSoto: *Whew!"
Patient: "Wait - can ya get the purty one instead?"
Doc: "Well, OK, then. Fatty, I mean, Wilma - amscray."
Paramedics John Gage & Roy DeSoto: "Hey, wait just a-"
Nurse Sally Lewis: "Hello, handsome."
Paramedics John Gage & Roy DeSoto: "Let's call the Captain!"
Annoying *Bengge, Bongggge, Bwaaaaaannnnnngggg* Alarm sounds at Fire Station.
Sirens & Lights
*Commercial Break*
Patient" "Hey, I have another idea."
All: "Well?"
Patient, "Looks to me like you've got the *ahem* jaws of life." *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
All: "Hmmmmmmm."
Patient & Nurse Sally Lewis (to all): "Amscray!"
Paramedics John Gage & Roy DeSoto: "Come on, Cap'n..."
Nurse Sally Lewis: *Chomping on ice cubes* "I got sumpin' special in mind..."
Captain Dick Hammer: Barges right in. "I'm Cap'n Dick Hammer, and I'm a-gonna live up to my name." *Rears back with giant ax-hammer.
Sirens & Lights
*Commercial Break*
Epilogue:
Dr. Kelly Brackett, Paramedics John Gage & Roy DeSoto: all hovering around Nurse Sally Lewis making mindless Joe Friday worthy small talk that never goes anywhere, namely: "More coffee?"
Sirens & Lights


FIN

 

Sounds more like job for Leona Helmsley!

 

Hmmm
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The story (about the weightlifting collar) is true. It happened in the city where I went to medical school at a reasonably sized hospital. (I can PM you the name of the hospital if you want)

I was a medical student on the urology service when the guy came into the ER. Apparently he was at home "working out" with the collar when his penis became stuck. As the erection grew in size, the collar acted as a constriction ring, inhibiting venous outflow. The penis got larger and larger (and more painful) and more stuck. Finally the guy had his wife (yes that's right!) drive him to the hospital. She was so embarassed that she dropped him off and refused to go in with him.

First, we tried all of the usual tricks for priapism (defn: painful erection lasting longer than 4 hours). We injected phenylephrine and we irrigated the corpora cavernosa to no avail. We tried lubrication to slide the collar off but failed. We had the idea to try and cut off the collar. None of the orthopaedic or vascular surgery saws would cut through metal, thought. Someone thought to call maintenance to see if they had some type of device (bolt cutters, saw, etc.) The maintenance guy had an electric saw that he said would work. We took the patient to the OR, put the maint guy in scrubs, and started to work. At first contact, though, there was a shower of sparks across the (paper) drapes. No fire, but it scared us, so we poured normal saline over the saw blade as it cut the metal.
The collar came off, the penis was uninjured (aside from the ischemic damage from the long occlusion)
The next morning we went to round on the guy and he was GONE. left AMA. Never heard from again. I'm sure that the story of his predicament had spread and every employee in the hospital tried to get a glimpse of the freak who was stuck in a collar.

long story, but true.

 

I guess ladies should make sure they take care of their men, before they do something stupid like that.

 

I imagine the ladies would say getting a 'teat' stuck in the wringer is more painful...