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Thursday Joke-----------------------

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by tonyh, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
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    Tony H
    A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday.He has it done and on his way home decides to stop and buy a newspaper.Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk "i hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think i am?"
    "About 35" is the reply.
    "I'm actually 47 ", says the man feeling really happy.
    After that he goes into McDonald's for lunch and asks the waitress the same question, to which the reply is;
    "Oh, you look about 29"
    "I'm actually 47!!" This makes him feel really good!

    While standing at the bus stop on the way home, he asks an old lady the same question.She replies; " I am 85 yrs old and my eyesight is going.But when i was young , there was i sure fire way of telling a man's age.If i put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, i'll be able to tell your exact age.
    There was no one around , so the guy thought what the hell so he let her slip her hand down his pants......10 minutes later the old lady says;
    "ok, it's done.You're 47".....
    Stunned, the man says;"that's brilliant ! How did you do that?"
    The old lady replies ;
    "I was standing behind you at McDonalds"
     
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  3. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
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    In the USA, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

    He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
    "You talk?" he asks. "Sure do," the dog replies.

    The dog looks up and says, "You see, I discovered my gift of talking pretty
    young, and I wanted to help the government. So I told the CIA about my
    gift,
    and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
    rooms
    with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
    eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
    The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
    younger and I wanted to settle down.

    So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
    work,
    mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
    some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a
    wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

    The guy is amazed.

    He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner
    says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are
    you selling him, so cheap?" The owner says, "Cause he's a liar. He didn't
    do
    any of that stuff."
     
  4. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    On a special Teacher's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts
    from her pupils.

    The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head,
    and said, "I bet I know what it is....some flowers."

    "That's right!" said the boy. "But how did you know?"

    "Just a wild guess," she said.

    The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher
    held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it
    is...a box of candy."

    "That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.

    "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.

    The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it
    over her head but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage
    with her finger and tasted it.

    "Is it wine?" she asked.

    "No," the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching
    another drop of the leakage to her tongue.

    "Is it champagne?" she asked.

    "No," the boy replied.

    The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"

    The boy replied, "A puppy!"

    ________________________

    DL
     
  5. udalmia

    udalmia Guest

    rofl darth
     
  6. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Afternoon DL... Bit late today?
     
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  8. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Tone, If you only knew :) :) :)

    DL
     
  9. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
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    Apr 3, 2001
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    Just to let you guys know, I enjoy these joke of the day threads. I cannot stand forwards and forwarded jokes, but these... I dig. =D
     
  10. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
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    That bad,eh?!!
     

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