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To ask, or not to ask

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by quartermaster, Dec 15, 2005.

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  1. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2005
    1,826
    #1 quartermaster, Dec 15, 2005
    I went to lunch yesterday with 7 friends. We are all 50-ish construction-types who have a shared interest in music (alright--we're musicians, too), and we have this informal lunch about once a month.
    I noticed that one of us wasn't looking too good--in fact, he looked awful, pale, drawn-looking, big bags under his eyes, etc. I thought "uh-oh."
    I've been an informal friend of this fellow for close to 30 years, but we've never been close, so I refrained from pulling him aside and asking if he was O.K.
    Should I ask him? Or, just keep my mouth shut? What would you do?

    I know this sounds like 'Dear Abbey' and I'm sorry for that.
    Keith
     
  2. amenasce

    amenasce Three Time F1 World Champ
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    #2 amenasce, Dec 15, 2005
    Ask him . If he doesnt want to tell you the truth he wont , if he does , he'll be glad you asked and cared about him.
     
  3. whart

    whart F1 Veteran
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    Dec 5, 2001
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    #3 whart, Dec 15, 2005
    Absolutely. That's what friends, colleagues, and even mild acquaintances are for; as A>M> said, if he doesn't want to reveal his trouble to you, he will say so.
    I thought this was going to be one of those 'fell in love with a girl, just wondering if she was originally a guy' type questions.

    Good luck.
     
  4. wax

    wax Five Time F1 World Champ
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    #4 wax, Dec 15, 2005
    Better to regret asking than regret not asking.
     
  5. 285ferrari

    285ferrari Two Time F1 World Champ
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    #5 285ferrari, Dec 15, 2005
    I agree 100%...
     
  6. jungathart

    jungathart Guest

    Jun 11, 2004
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    #6 jungathart, Dec 15, 2005
    ditto.
     
  7. axemansean

    axemansean Formula Junior

    Jul 11, 2004
    801
    #7 axemansean, Dec 15, 2005
    You've known him for 30 years or so, I'd ask even if he wasn't a close friend.
     
  8. TigerAce

    TigerAce Formula 3

    May 29, 2003
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    Yoshi Ace
    #8 TigerAce, Dec 15, 2005
    If I were you, I would ask. Is there anything it may concern you for asking this question? Do you prefer not to get in too personal?

    I agree w/ Andrew & Wax, too.
     
  9. dm_n_stuff

    dm_n_stuff Four Time F1 World Champ
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    #9 dm_n_stuff, Dec 15, 2005
    As a 50 something myself, I'd ask.

    It shows concern for your fellow human being, which is always a good thing.

    And, if he's not well, it might help him to have someone who'd listen.

    Often folks who have a serious illness feel alone with the problem. Their friends don't really want to know about it, and don't ask. Also, put yourself in his shoes. If you were ill, you probably wouldn't bring it up, but would certainly like to have someone to talk to about it.

    DM
     
  10. rafo

    rafo Karting

    Jun 6, 2005
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    #10 rafo, Dec 15, 2005
    Seven GUYS having a once a month lunch? I would just ask -- in fact, i would probably say (verbatim) "so what the hell happened to you"
     
  11. DrStranglove

    DrStranglove FChat Assassin
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    #11 DrStranglove, Dec 15, 2005


    Yep!
     
  12. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2005
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    #12 quartermaster, Dec 15, 2005
    Andy, Mr. Hart, Tom, 285Ferrari, Jungathart, Yoshi, Dave, rafo, and John: Thank you.
    You are all kind of telling me what I already knew, but I have a bad habit of putting my foot in my mouth (my entire leg, sometimes), so lately I have been more careful in my world with what I say and do.
    I appreciate your counsel.
     
  13. SrfCity

    SrfCity F1 World Champ

    Nov 1, 2003
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    #13 SrfCity, Dec 15, 2005
    Maybe ask one of the other guys that knows him better for starters.
     
  14. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

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    #14 quartermaster, Dec 15, 2005
    Tried that. Nobody knows.
     
  15. branko

    branko F1 Rookie
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    #15 branko, Dec 15, 2005
    Then go straight to the source.
     
  16. ROGUE GTS

    ROGUE GTS Formula Junior

    May 24, 2004
    835
    Kalifornia
    #16 ROGUE GTS, Dec 16, 2005
    Wow you are sure overly cautious, if he looked that ****ty I might ask him after lunch, but it's nothing he could get offended over.
     
  17. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
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    #17 BigAl, Dec 16, 2005
    We have a once a month lunch bunch too, ask...
     
  18. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2005
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    #18 quartermaster, Dec 16, 2005
    Don't worry--we're all married and most of us are grandfathers!
     
  19. quartermaster

    quartermaster Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2005
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    #19 quartermaster, Dec 16, 2005
    I am a two-term politician, small-time, small town, small potatoes. I learned early when to keep my mouth shut and not just blurt out the first thing that crosses my mind. :)
     
  20. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
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    #20 BigAl, Dec 16, 2005
    me too brother, sometimes learned the hard way, BUT I did learn....
     

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