To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice !

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'

6. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.


8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9 Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Aroun d Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

14 . When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.


It's Called THERAPY

 

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT PROBABLY DON'T


1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.



2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.



3. The dot over the letter "I" is called a "tittle".



4.

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.



5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.



6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.



7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.



8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes.

He was
albino.



9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.



10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.



11.

Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will
kill a small sized dog.



12.

Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's
stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.



13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).



14.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
pants.



15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.



16.

Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in
the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the
'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored
the smaller, 'lower case' letters.



17.

Leonard o Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at
the same time hence, multi tasking was invented.



18.

Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were
made of wood.



19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.



20.

The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a
recorded Wendy before!

21.

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple,
and silver!

22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors.

Also, it took him 10 years to paint
Mona Lisa's lips.



23.

A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and
sting itself to death.



24.

The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain
Kirk's mask painted white.



25.

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have
$1.19.

You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able
to make change for a dollar (good to know.

)

26.

By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
quicksand (a nd you thought this list was completely useless.

)

27.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife wit h anything wider than your
thumb.



28.

The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for
automobiles.

At that time, the most known player on the market was the
Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.



29.

Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of
celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

It's the same with apples!

30.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.



32.

Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often
stolen from Public Libraries.



33.

Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space becaus
e passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.



34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart.

"Boy, I feel a lot
safer now that she's behind bars.

OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still
walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America
willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to
jail.