An emperor of the Land of the Rising Sun advertised for a new chief samurai warrior. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish samurai. "Demonstrate your skills," commanded the emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opening a tiny box and released a fly.He drew his sword and, Swish! The fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two. The Chinese samurai smiled, then opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his sword. Swish!Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. The Jewish samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a third fly, and drew his sword. SWOOOOOOOSH! The speed of his sword created a gust of wind. The fly let out a high-pitched sound, but continued to fly around. "What kind of skill is that?" asked the emperor. "The fly isn't even dead." "Dead, schmead" replied the Jewish samurai. "Dead is easy. But circumcision - now that takes skill!"
Mornin' Tone WAYS TO RELIEVE STRESS... Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. Use your mastercard to pay off your visa. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. When someone says,"Have a nice day!", tell them you have other plans. During your next meeting, sneeze and then loudly suck the phlem back down your throat. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like. Make a list of things you have already done. Dance naked in front of your pets. Thumb through a National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives. Go shopping, Buy Everything, Sweat in them, Return them the next day! Drive to school in reverse. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages. Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his/her waiting room. Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter an ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are. ___________________________ DL
Boudreaux and Thibadeaux wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. >Boudreaux said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to th butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. > >Thibadeaux said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all". >Boudreaux replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." > >They went into the pub where Boudreaux immediately ordered two double shot >of Jack Daniels. Thibadeaux said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how >much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this !!" >Boudreaux replied, with a smile "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!" >They downed their drinks. > >Boudreaux said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on >your knees and put it in your mouth." >Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out. >They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk all for free. > >At the tenth pub Thibadeaus said, "Boudreaux - I don't think I can do this >anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killin' me!" >Boudreaux said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third bar!"
Two Aggies (Texas A&M students) were walking down the street and decided they needed to buy a car so they wouldn't have to walk so much. Bill said "hey Will, we need to buy a car, how much do you have"? Will responds, "I got $24.12, how much you got"? Bill says, "I got $36.10, so between us we got $75.82, let's go find a car". They walk up to Honest Dave, Buy Here, Pay Here Used Car Utopia and start looking around. Honest Dave comes out and offers to help them out. They tell him how much money they have and that they need transportation. He says, "Well boys, I hate to disappoint you but you don't have $75.82 you have $60.22 and that will not buy a car. But you are in luck, I do have some good reliable transportation for you. Just step around back of the office". They step around back and there stands a camel. Honest Dave tells them that they will not have to buy gas and just give it a little water and hay every once in a while and they can both ride it. He even offers to give them lessons on how to get on and off of this two-humped camel. They discuss it and decide that riding a camel is better than walking so they give him their money, take a quick lesson on camel riding and off they go. That evening on the way home Honest Dave stops at a redlight. He glances over and sees the two aggies sitting on the curb with no camel in sight. He rolls down his window and inquires, "Hey boys, where is your camel"? Bill responds, "lost it". Dave asks, "How the heck do you lose a camel"? Will says, "Well, we rode around most of the afternoon with no problems. Then we pulled up to this redlight and stopped. Some guys in a Mustang convertible pulled up next to us and looked up at us and the camel. One of them pointed and said, Will you look at the two *******s on that camel. Well, when we got off and raised its tail to take a look, the light turned green and the camel left without us".
