There is a Space Shuttle mission with 2 monkeys and a woman on board. The headquarters in the US calls: "Monkey number 1, Monkey number 1 to the television screen." He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1,increase the temperature of engine 4 and to release oxygen to thereactors. So monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen. A few moments later headquarters calls again: "Monkey number 2, monkey number 2 to the television screen." He sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3,to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyze the solar radiation.So the monkey does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation. A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Woman, please woman, approach the screen."She sits down and just as she is about to be told what to do she says..... "I know I know!! Feed the monkeys, and don't f***ing touch anything."
Mornin' Tone, A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!" The wife sighed and got him a beer. Ten minutes later, he said, "Get me another beer before it starts!" She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!" The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..." The man sighed and said, "It's started." _______________________ DL
