Turk Thrust tells it like it is

Anthony_Ferrari · Sep 12, 2008

Turk Thrust is an invented character. He often pops up on Pitpass.com to give his opinions on various matters via his old pal Mike Lawrence. He looks very much like Burt Reynolds and he used to be in charge of the FOSU (FOrmula One Script Unit) so he used to decide on the championship results. He has since retired, but I think his opinions are still worth reading:

It's all about The Show

11/09/2008

When the news came through of Lewis's demotion at Spa, I glanced at my watch. It took 17 seconds for the phone to ring, without waiting for the caller to speak, I said, 'Hi, Turk.'

It was, of course, my old pal, perma-tanned Hollywood player, Turk Thrust, once of FOSU (Formula One Script Unit). Turk said, 'Great news about Lewis, don't ya think, Mike?'

When I found voice, I said, 'We saw Lewis slow with our own eyes. We saw Kimi overtake him and there was clear air between them before Lewis responded.'

Turk sighed. 'You never did see the Big Picture. It's not just you. Grandprix.com reckons the way F1 is going, it could have as much credibility as professional wrestling. They seem to think that would be a bad thing. I say, 'Bring it on.'

'In pro wrestling you have a good guy and a bad guy, you have primordial conflict. The fans know it's a fix, but that's only in their brains. In the hall, they yell their heads off because their emotions tell 'em to.'

'Turk,' I said, 'if I want to watch wrestling, I can do that. I want to watch motor racing.'

'How excited were you by Valencia?' Turk landed what I thought was a low blow.

'I think I could have been excited, had my brain not switched off after 20 minutes.'

'Twenty minutes? That long, eh? Boy, you really are a fan.'

I said, 'Valencia is just another boring Hermann Tilke track which is billed as a street circuit because there are streets nearby. Spa is everyone's favourite because it uses landscape, just as Monaco does and the Osterreichring the proper Nurburgring did. Racing is man, machine and road.'

Turk said, 'The 'Ring was difficult to televise. They gave out concerns about safety, but 14.1 miles didn't suit television. The last Grand Prix at the 'Ring was in 1976. In 1978, all World Championship races were televised. Coincidence or what?'

I said, 'You're inventing a conspiracy theory, Turk.'

He said, 'There are fans all over the world who believe that the result at Spa was massaged.

'Next weekend the circus will be at Monza and now Massa, in a Ferrari, is only two points behind Hamilton and he has won five races to Hamilton's four, so he goes as the driver with the most wins. Massa now has credibility.

'We need drama, and we ain't going to get drama with Kimi off the boil.'

'Turk,' I said, 'you are telling me telling me that you think the result at Spa was fixed?'

'If it wasn't, it should have been. If you are going to lie, lie big. Invent conspiracies. Invent Weapons of Mass Destruction then pretend nothing's wrong when they ain't found. The fix at Spa was so obvious that it dumbfounded everyone. I bet you still cannot quite believe what a farce Formula One has become.

'I read on the Pitpass forum that Gregor V is prepared to jack it in. He won't. I've heard you say that you can't take much more, but you will. You dyed in the wool enthusiasts always do.

'When fans of pro wrestling reflect, they know they are being conned, but they don't mind. You racing fans cling to pathetic beliefs.

'Of course Spa was rigged. The Stewards interpreted a rule that was vague. In golf, a ball goes into a hole or it doesn't. Lewis ceded the place, we saw it, he obeyed the rule. Then the Stewards declared he had not done enough. Where is that written? Track position is track position, it's how races are decided.

'The Stewards invented a scenario. We all knew that Kimi was going to blow it, you could see that he had lost the plot. The Stewards believe that Raikkonen was disadvantaged whereas he made an unforced error, he blew it.

'As soon as Hamilton got by he sailed into the distance. A bunch of guys then took it on themselves to redefine the whole point of racing, which is the fastest driver, who finishes, is the winner.

'Those Stewards did not just change the result, they changed the whole point of racing. If anyone was affected by Hamilton, it was Raikkonen and not only was he too slow in the wet to respond, but he couldn't keep it on the island.

'Massa was never going to mount a charge, he tends not to in any case, even in the dry. He kept his head and drove well. He deserved second place, but not a win. Second in those conditions was a considerable achievement.

'That's my view as a fan, but wearing my professional hat, I say we have to think of the build-up to Singapore.

'Singapore is going to be floodlit. Motor racing is hurting because it wants to appear to be eco-friendly. The FIA is doing that, but Bernie understands the Show. Singapore will consume a least three million megawatts of energy, all of it generated by fossil fuel. Grand Prix racing has existed for more than a hundred years without floodlights. The first, in 1906, was run over two days so it would be in daylight.

'Now we have a night-time race and the reason is TV scheduling, not because we have been crying out for floodlights for more than a century, it comes down to the television audience. You know that I am not joking because you know that some events in the Beijing Olympics were run at times which suited television in the Northern Hemisphere.

'I rest my case.'

The trouble with arguing with Turk is that he has claimed to have scripted head-to-head final rounds in some previous World Championships and his claims have never been disproved. Then there is the fact that nothing would surprise most of us who follow motor racing.

On one thing he is correct, if it comes to a Hamilton/Massa showdown, many of us will be swept along as surely as fans of pro wrestling are. It will be the result that counts. The Stewards' decision at Spa will be pushed into the background, as will Hamilton's magnificent drive at Silverstone, and Massa's engine failure in Hungary when he seemed to have the race in the bag.

One thing you learn when following motor racing is to have a short memory, otherwise it can be distressing.

Turk warmed to his theme. 'Promoters tell us that Formula One needs Ferrari, but that is a myth. When you tell lies, tell 'em big. Ferrari has been an also-ran for long periods of F1 history, ask Chris Amon, ask Jean Alesi.

'If F1 needs Ferrari, then it must also have needed Lotus. and Alfa Romeo. And Maserati, Vanwall, Cooper, BRM and Brabham. It didn't need 'em, it survived.

'I bet your newspapers hailed your Olympic medallists as 'heroes'.' This I had to concede, especially since we won more golds than Australia, or France. Turk said, 'What is heroic about synchronised swimming? You may need to jump to save your skin, but nobody does the triple jump in real life.

'Sport is Show Biz. In real life people don't break into a song and tap routine, they don't speak in blank verse either. We Americans invented Show Biz, elsewhere there had only been theatre, opera, comedy, entertainment. We play baseball, which nobody else finds interesting, but when the top teams in the two Major Leagues meet in a play-off and we call it the World Series. It's just a national play-off between two franchises, it ain't an open competition. Call it the World Series and folk believe it. We call playing in a Major League being in The Show.

'My business is called 'Hollywood', but there are no studios there, just offices. The big sign in the hills originally read, 'Hollywoodland', it advertised a property development that failed. Nobody wants failure, but knock off the last four letters, paint it up, and you have Show Time.

'Formula One is about selling air time on television; without the exposure, you won't get sponsors. The Olympics work because they happen only once every four years and they are hyped. They appeal to basic nationalism. You would not get an audience for pole vaulting 18 times a year, it's all about presentation. Show Biz. Every four years, for two weeks, we even have to care about beach volleyball and, in the Winter Games, ice sculpting.

'Television needs drama, it does not need Lewis Hamilton to sail away into the distance. Television needs questions over Kimi, he may not always be at his brilliant best, but even on a slow day he is better than almost anyone else in the world. We remember that he crashed at Spa, we forget that he had taken a hat-trick of wins and the only other drivers to do that are Jim Clark and Ayrton Senna.

'For me, it doesn't matter whether it is Lewis or Felipe who takes the title, what matters is the Show. Without the Show, we lose the money. Motor racing is not powered by gasoline, it is powered by money, money generated by television, by putting on a show.

'Everyone is now interested in Monza because Lewis was robbed by three part-timers who haven't grasped the point of racing. I bet you would have been supporting Lewis anyway, but now you are gagging for him to win. Now you feel passion you would not have felt. You will be like the pro wrestling fan. You switched off at Valencia, you will be alive for Monza.'

What is really sad is that Turk is right. Formula One is back in the news for reasons other than the intrusion into Max Mosley's private life. Max will be forgotten by the media until the next court hearing, whether that is in a civil court or one conducted by the FIA.

Formula One does need an injection of excitement, especially after Valencia. All season we have seen empty grandstands. Silverstone is the only circuit apart from Monaco which sells out and it loses the Grand Prix.

Turk and I chatted for a long time, catching up. Turk has this incredible theory that Donington Park will fall flat on its face and that the circuit's non-returnable deposit will ease Indianapolis back into the calendar. Turk reckons that you cannot have a credible World Championship that includes Bahrain and excludes America.

Turk has a conspiracy theory, but I could not possibly comment on it. I do notice, however. that Donington's PR company has walked and there have been very few occasions when a PR company has walked from a deal which, on the face of it, has huge potential. That is like an estate agent saying they could not sell your house at any price and that has never happened when the house is made of bricks and mortar.

I do not believe in conspiracy theories, though I do know that there is a secret international organisation that invents them.

Mike Lawrence
[email protected]

To check out previous features from Mike, click here

Article from Pitpass (http://www.pitpass.com):

Published: 11/09/2008
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