T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the board Not a poster was posting, not even Lamour… John was on Google, jerking his penis While sending lewd emails, flirting with Venus… Arlie was home, moaning and bitchin’ Gus was at Galloway, choking the chicken… Dave Scott isn’t here, and neither is Faisal And Art just sued me for this poem for libel… Farmer Dave and the Texans are bar-hopping all winter While Randy Schatten is busy fixing my printer… The members in Nawlins are putting up dry wall While Wax is at home, shining his eyeball… When all of a sudden, from out of the blue “Santa!” I said, “I didn’t doubt it was you!” “It’s so nice to see you this cold Christmas eve!” He looked pretty pissed and had coal up his sleeve… “All of you chatters have been naughty as shit!” His face was red; I thought he was sick… “You too, Carbon, you’re such a disgrace!” I barely dodged the coal he chucked at my face… “Dude! Chill out! That wasn’t that nice!” “You spend too much time on this fuckin’ chat site!” And with that he went nuts, “I hate all of you here!” And that’s when I noticed his faulty new beard… Then all of a sudden, I heard such a clatter I averted my attention, discerning the matter… I saw what resembled a sleigh run amuck “But Santa’s not in it… Hey, what the fuck…?!?” The sled swooped down and sitting before me Was the real Kris Kringle, brimming with fury… “Who is this man who pretends to be St. Nick…?” “I don’t know, Santa, but he acts like St. Dick!” The real Santa lunged for the sham Santa’s throat The fake Kringle ducked and then grabbed Santa’s coat… I ran to help Santa when he got yoked up That’s when everyone from F-Chat showed up… “Do what you want, chump, it’s your choice…” Holy shit! It was Gus and the Boyz…! “Make your decision and make it with haste” “Let go of Santa, or we’re breakin’ your face…” He let go of Santa, while crying with fear “Who are you?” Bruce said, “And why are you hear?” The fake Santa tore off his hat and his beard I didn’t know before, but that made it clear… He stood there in silence, his face was just empty Believe it or not, it was that crazy fuck Gentry… “Get outta here!” I said, “Or they’ll come for you!” “Take your hat and your beard and your tail number, too!” Gentry took off, and was never seen again Santa was happy, “I thought I’d never breathe again…” “Thank you, FerrariChat, you saved Christmas eve” He smiled and laughed, “That’s a great gift for me!” And with that he went over and climbed in his sleigh “Santa, no gifts? We tried to behave!” “Ho, Ho, Ho, Carbon! Lend me your ear” “The greatest gifts you can have are the friends you have here!” “Everyone here looks out for each other” “It’s like everyone here has thousands of brothers…” And with that he took off in the cold Christmas night I looked at my friends and new ol’ Chris was right… The greatest gifts I could have are the friends I have here Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year.