HARSH REALITY.............................

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So, she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear. "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear. Let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!! I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

______________________________

DL

 

I think thats the funniest joke you have ever posted.

 

I am with Mark on this one. Best one ever, Dave! Bravo

 

Dude you have balls of steel! I doubt you will be getting any for a while, but that must have flt really good to do. Does she understand your side a little better now?

 

*Reads names of long-forgotten loo-hoo-hoo-hoosers and eventual winner*

"And the winner is..." *struggles to open envelope* (ad-libs):

"It is an honor and a privilige to present this first annual award for going above and beyond the call of booty."

*Riiiiips envelope*

OH, MY GOD! darth550!
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Let em rephase that...
"you have blue balls of steel"

 

way to play the "I'm going to get her back even If I don't get some ever again." route.

 

Don't forget the, "Enough hair on my ass to weave an indian's teepee" part!

DL

 

Encore!! Amazing joke, and so true. On this day, I hereby declare that I will have to use this on an unruly woman in the future.


-DC

 

Haha, I love that joke. Classic.

 

LOL!

/Peter

 

Holy cow, that is funny as ****!!!

 

HA!

 

I cannot stop laughing!!!!

 

The icing would be for her to drop. 5 minutes later buy her crap.

 

damn, that's a good one Darth!

 

darth

I have to tell ya as a guy who is dealing with lawyers right now regarding the soon to be EX and having had a telephone call yesterday that lasted 35 min and all i added to the convrosatoin was "wea eh th acr wait... fa.. "


YOU MADE MY DAY!

 

You can still have sex tonight....with the wife next door.......LOL!

 

Not everyone knows how to get that much stank on their hang low, Alan

 

That was funny.

That Balls of Steel Graphic Wax posted was also a riot! I'm keeping that.

 

big props! very funny!

 

I'm with the peanut gallery, that was probably the best joke I've read so far...

--Dan

 

Great Joke

 

an oldie but still a funny

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Just too damn funny!!!! LMAO!!!