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HARSH REALITY.............................

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by darth550, Aug 11, 2004.

  1. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 14, 2003
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    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So, she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear. "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear. Let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!! I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

    ______________________________

    DL
     
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  3. MarkPDX

    MarkPDX F1 World Champ
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    Apr 21, 2003
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    :D I think thats the funniest joke you have ever posted.
     
  4. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

    Oct 31, 2003
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    I am with Mark on this one. Best one ever, Dave! Bravo :D
     
  5. Brianjonesphoto

    Brianjonesphoto Formula Junior

    Dec 2, 2003
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    Brian Jones
    Dude you have balls of steel! I doubt you will be getting any for a while, but that must have flt really good to do. Does she understand your side a little better now?
     
  6. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 20, 2003
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    #5 wax, Aug 11, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    *Reads names of long-forgotten loo-hoo-hoo-hoosers and eventual winner*

    "And the winner is..." *struggles to open envelope* (ad-libs):

    "It is an honor and a privilige to present this first annual award for going above and beyond the call of booty."

    *Riiiiips envelope*

    OH, MY GOD! darth550!
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  8. Brianjonesphoto

    Brianjonesphoto Formula Junior

    Dec 2, 2003
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    Let em rephase that...
    "you have blue balls of steel" :)
     
  9. triXXXter

    triXXXter Formula Junior

    Nov 11, 2003
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    way to play the "I'm going to get her back even If I don't get some ever again." route.
     
  10. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Don't forget the, "Enough hair on my ass to weave an indian's teepee" part!

    DL
     
  11. Forza1

    Forza1 Formula Junior

    Mar 20, 2004
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    Encore!! Amazing joke, and so true. On this day, I hereby declare that I will have to use this on an unruly woman in the future. :D


    -DC
     
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  13. Admiral Thrawn

    Admiral Thrawn F1 Rookie

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    Haha, I love that joke. Classic. :D
     
  14. millemiglia

    millemiglia Formula Junior

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  15. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    Holy cow, that is funny as ****!!!
     
  16. Zupra

    Zupra F1 Rookie

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  17. imperial83

    imperial83 F1 Rookie
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    May 14, 2004
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    I cannot stop laughing!!!!
     
  18. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
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    The icing would be for her to drop. 5 minutes later buy her crap.
     
  19. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
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    damn, that's a good one Darth!
     
  20. writerguy

    writerguy F1 Veteran

    Sep 30, 2003
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    darth

    I have to tell ya as a guy who is dealing with lawyers right now regarding the soon to be EX and having had a telephone call yesterday that lasted 35 min and all i added to the convrosatoin was "wea eh th acr wait... fa.. "


    YOU MADE MY DAY!
     
  21. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    You can still have sex tonight....with the wife next door.......LOL!
     
  22. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

    Oct 31, 2003
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    Not everyone knows how to get that much stank on their hang low, Alan ;)
     
  23. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Aug 6, 2003
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    That was funny.

    That Balls of Steel Graphic Wax posted was also a riot! I'm keeping that.
     
  24. mike550

    mike550 Formula Junior

    Aug 20, 2003
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    big props! very funny!
     
  25. bobafett

    bobafett F1 Veteran

    Sep 28, 2002
    9,193
    I'm with the peanut gallery, that was probably the best joke I've read so far...

    --Dan
     
  26. AntonyR

    AntonyR F1 Veteran
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    Great Joke
     
  27. SefacHotRodder

    SefacHotRodder F1 World Champ

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    an oldie but still a funny :D
     
  28. Z0RR0

    Z0RR0 F1 Rookie

    Apr 11, 2004
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    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Just too damn funny!!!! LMAO!!!
     

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