1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind. 2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape. 3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right." 4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!" 7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them. 8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?" 9. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. 10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you. 12. Work is good, but it's not that important. 13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
#1 technically not true. During a party, I've had 6 drunks in my bathroom Flowbeeing their heads, all turned out fine. Flowbee in drunkproof.
15. Never take a wooden nickel 16. If there is an open seat sit in it 17. Of course don't eat the yellow snow
Attempted "humor" at the expense of dogs sucks. After careful consideration of your post, boffo, I have come to the conclusion that an ad hominem attack is in order: You, boffo must also suck. IMHO, of course. JMTCW, of course. Yea, right. <thumbs down puke smilie here>
#22 - It's not cheating if you sleep with two girls at the same time, because they cancel each other out #23 - Any wound can be cured with Windex #24 - It's not cheating if your too drunk to remember, because if you can't remember, it didn't happen. #25 - When life throws you a lemon, make lemonade #26 - If you build it, they will come
