Top Gear JC best quotes

California was on tonight^^

Also, I believe Top Gear episodes are sold on itunes, or am I wrong?

 

Can't wait to see the latest episode

 

Great thread, this guy is hilarious. Will look for it on I Tunes, thanks for the heads up.

 

Ha!!!!

 

On the TVR's complete lack of airbags:

 

finalgear?

 

as he was driving away from the elevator in the small blue vehicle in the BBC building looking at the female newscaster walk away after she pushed him out of the elevator.

"damn shes got a great bum - did i say that outloud?"

 

Now, this is really quite simple ,ok? Understeer works like this: you drive down the road , turn the wheel, but the car goes straight on, crashes into a tree and you die. OVERsteer works like
this: you drive down the same bit of road, turn the wheel, but the back of the car comes round like this, and you go off the road, crash into a tree and you die. Now, oversteer is best, because you
don’t see the tree that kills you.
Richard Hammond on car handling.

Mothers will be fishing kids out of obscure cubby-holes for years!
Richard Hammond on the Renault Megan’s ample storage.

The thing is, I think I’m right in saying that I have never completed a single journey, anywhere there and back, in it ever. Which must make it the most unreliable car… ever made. In fact,
if you’ve got a more unreliable one, write to us at ‘Actually I’ve Got a Peugeot’ BBC Top Gear…
Jeremy Clarkson talks about his Fort GT.

There are shantytowns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!
Jeremy Clarkson on the Renault Modus.

Actually, this is why it’s called the F360, this model. You drive along and you go ‘ffffffff’ and you do a 360!
James May on the Ferrari F360 handling

Jeremy: Why would you want to put adults in the back of a car?
Richard: Because I have friends

It's a mobile phone holder, or as Richard Hammond calls it, a seat

And when you rely on a sat nav, you don’t notice that the sun is in the wrong place in the sky. You stop using your inbuilt compass, your innate sense of which way is up. And don’t argue with any of this. Everyone can navigate by instinct, and if you can’t there’s something wrong with you and you should be in prison. The only people who can’t navigate instinctively are women and anyone trying to find Malpensa airport in Milan.

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.

(Referring to the Porsche Cayenne) 0-60 takes 5 and a half seconds...and about 17 gallons of fuel....
Now we've been told in this new series, we've got to feature more green cars. So here's one. It's really the greenest car we could find, really. (A bright green Lamborghini Murcielago)

Now we get quite a few complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show, so we're kicking off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all. (a Ferrari F430)

This is the latest S Class. Now available with a very economical: Twin-turbo, Six litre... I don't mean economical do I? That's the wrong word...

I do apologise, we have wasted your evening, there are no good Korean or Malaysian cars.

You know? That's the nineteenth caravan we've destroyed on this programme in 12 months.

That means, a Range Rover, doing 10,000 miles a year, produces less pollution a day than a cow farting(While discussing about "Methane as a global warming agent")

The only reason anyone bought the old Land Rover Discovery was because they couldn't afford a Range Rover.

As a result, it weighs 2.7 tonnnes - and that makes it heavier than a Rolls-Royce Phantom. It's so heavy, that if you were to load it up with stuff, and then hitch up a trailor to the back; technically, you need an LGV licence.

It's really as useful, as a snooze button on a smoke alarm. (Regarding the adjustable suspension in the Bentley Continental GT)

(Top Gear Bloopers) I've just realised something, it's late...and I'm drunk!

(Top Gear Bloopers) Who has decided to do Nazi Route Marching?

(On the Audi R8) Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail's egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts' belly button.

(On the Brera again, talking about a version with a slow 0-60mph time and a big price tag) It's like Cameron Diaz. You know she's a vegetarian, you know she's a commited eco-mentalist... would you say no? That car is like Cameron Diaz, with wheels.

The Caterham may only have 250 bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same.....as a j-cloth.

We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

If this car was a breakfast. It would be cornflakes on toast.

Aston Martin DB9... that's not really a racing car, that's just pornography.

(Ariel Atom) This is driving Nirvana! You can forget anything you've ever driven, anything. There is no car, nothing on four wheels, that is as fast as this.

(about the Ferrari F40) And what I love is that when you're on the over-run, and you take your foot of the throttle, listen!... there are these huge bounces... just dumps great wads of unburnt fuel into the exhaust... FOR FUN!

(test driving a Turbo Bentley through a cloud of rubber smoke) It's like Blenheim Palace on wheels!

(Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster) I would rather be in this than in Keira Knightley.

(On the BMW X3) If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

What Overfinch did with the old Range Rover was replace the 4.6 Litre Engine with a 5.7 Litre V8 from a Corvette. And thats fine in a car which weighs nearly 2 tonnes...If your name is BP Esso McShell.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.

The old DB7, that was just...a Jag in Drag...it was an XJS in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB9) is completely different...

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful. (referring to Proton Savvy)

You do not just avoid the Suzuki Wagon R. You avoid it like you would avoid unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

(On cars at a Max Power show) Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they'll blow up.

What did the Morris Marina compete against?... walking?... the bus?

Deciding which one is worse (the Austin Allegro or Morris Marina), is like deciding which leg you'd rather have amputated.

(about the Ford Escort) It's powered by engines so rough, even Moulinex wouldn't use them.

It costs Volkswagen 200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could propably make a couple of cars for that.

This is for every time I've caught you dawdling at junctions, this is for every time I've caught you doing 4 miles per hour in a motorway. This is PAYBACK TIME!! (Clarkson shouting at a Volvo 340 seconds before it is put through a crusher)

This pram's turning circle is tighter than Thrifty McThrift's Book of Belt-Tightening for Boys!
(about the Chevrolet Corvette Z06) In many ways then this car is like herpes. Great fun catching it but not so much fun live with every day.

(on the McLaren F1 in his movie, Most Outrageous) I respect it enormously, in the same way I respected my old head master. But we never became friends.

(On a Buick LeSabre) It was rubbish when it was new, it was built by idiots, and it's rubbish now.

(On a Audi RS4 Convertible) The only person who looked good in a 4-seated convertible was Adolf Hitler

(On the evolution of the Golf GTI between MkI and MkIV) I voted for this as the greatest car of the 20th century. Over the years, however, the Golf GTI got bigger, and fatter, and slower. Think of it as Elvis Presley. It started off all athletic and full of vigour, and wound up on the lavatory, an enormous, dribbling hulk.

(About James May) ...Why are you on this program?

(About Lethal Bizzle) It's acts like that which killed Top of The Pops in the first place, they kept booking acts like.. what's his name? Jizzy tissue.

(To Lewis Hamilton at the NTA Awards) ...And if you see Fernando Alonso again, tell him his eyebrows are too big...

(A cyclist riding past in Oxford) The thing is, around here - Oi! Did you see that? I was damn nearly knocked over by a cyclist!

(About the Chinese) Chinese people have no souls. From his column in 'The Sun' newspaper

(About Drummers) Drummers are a bit like house flies. They're born, they make a noise, then they die. From his column in 'The Sun' newspaper

 

Didn't remember these, brilliant!

 

On the sound of the 430:

"I mean, those exhausts are just waste disposal units, but I've heard less tuneful symphony orchestra's"

 

God I love those guys.

 

Absolutely priceless!

 

Sometimes, the less JC says, the more he says. This is one of my all time favorites, in one of my favorite brands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJrQ72zogeE

 

Great show, Top Gear. I learned more about Vietnam on the show when the trio crossed that country on
motor scooters than I did in high school....in the '70's.
This show, on occasion, can truly be an excellent humanities lesson.

 

+1

The editing is so sloppy. BBCA should forget about the whole commercial concept...at least for a show that was filmed for a 60min spot.

 

"Today we are looking at the Toyota Prius... Well we have looked at it so moving on."

 

JC talking while racing in the ZR1 against the V10 R8. This Sundays episode.

"I may have more firepower, but trying to keep up with the Audi is like trying to win the grand national whilst riding a lion that's made of teeth, and jelly."

 

As far as I know he stole that from Walter Röhrl ... except for why oversteer is best ... and the dying part.

 

Was curious to find out which episodes recent Ferraris are in so, here we go:

Series 6, Episode 8 - F430
Series 7, Episode 3 - F430, Ford GT, Zonda -> Milau Bridge
Series 10, Episode 3 - 599
Series 11, Episode 1 - F430 Scuderia
Series 12, Episode 5 - Daytona
Series 13, Episode 1 - FXX

 

LOL

 

California on s14e01

 

TG is just increadable. The chemistry those three have make the show what it is. For those here in the US that don't get TG, people post the episodes on streetfire.net

 

Watch these short clips (in this particular order)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDlMLqdvHzI V8 Blender
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbOKAk7SIhs&fmt=18 V8 Chair

This is, quite simply, one of the maddest and funniest TG projects ever

 

"This week, we shout at the Government, a man drives a Subaru through a building, and a dog goes in a car"

I just think it's random.

 

On the Bugatti Veyron going round the track ...

" ... it sounds like God's plumbing."