Mars rover monologue

The Mars rover finally landed on Mars late Saturday night after a long flight. To understand just HOW long it's been since the spacecraft was launched, just realize that back when the rocket left earth, Michael Jackson was only dangling clean laundry over his hotel balcony.

On the final leg of it's flight, the rover dropped over 900 feet to the surface and bounced several times then rolled to a stop as NASA technicians crossed their fingers in hopes that the internal contents were not damaged. Come to think of it, most airline luggage suffers the same fate after its flight.

The last phase of the spacecraft's landing had the rover bouncing up and down for several minutes until it finally rocked back and forth to a halt, at which point it phoned home to reveal the full details of the day's activities. NO, WAIT A MINUTE. That wasn't the Mars rover, that was Paris Hilton!!!

Unlike the earlier Pioneer spacecraft which eventually left the galaxy, the Mars rover did not have an elaborate gold engraved plaque attached to itself. Due to budget constraints, an eight by ten color photo of Britney and Madonna was taped to the craft, and early pictures returning from the rover clearly show several little green men anxiously standing around the area expressing an intense interest in Earth culture.

Actually, the entire mission was almost scrubbed at launch because the technician responsible for the Britney/Madonna photo had misplaced the photograph, and the only replacement available was a picture of Hillary Clinton and Diane Feinstein.

One of the early photographs from the rover clearly showed Iraqi weapons of mass destruction stored on the Martian surface which easily explains why our government has had trouble locating them. The White House is so impressed, that President Bush is already planning next Thanksgiving's secret trip to Mars, where he will serve up a turkey dinner to the Mars rover.