Aussie joke thread | Page 290 | FerrariChat

Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

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  1. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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  2. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Nov 1, 2003
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  3. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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  4. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
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  5. au-yt

    au-yt F1 Veteran
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    Aug 13, 2006
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    Burradoo... Actually
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    Graeme
    "Dill" is Australian slang for Idiot.

    You can’t make this stuff up!






    1- DILL:


    We went through to the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the attendant a $5 note.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The attendant then gave me back 75 cents in change.

    Do not confuse the people at McDonald's.


    2- DILL:

    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a half a horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'Nooo, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

    We haven't used that repairman since. This happened in Ipswich, Queensland.



    3- DILL:


    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbour call the local council office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here!


    I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

    Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.




    4- DILL:


    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

    This happened in Elizabeth S.A.


    5- DILL:


    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it lets blind people know when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'

    She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O.



    6- DILL:


    When my husband and I arrived at the garage to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the mechanic, 'it’s open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'


    STAY ALERT!


    They walk among us... and they breed!

    ….. and they VOTE !!!
     
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  6. simon klein

    simon klein Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Usually about once every 10 days for me at IGA.....'King boneheads.
    ................and a couple of weeks ago with someone renting one of my trucks...$145 for the rent,change out of 150= 2x $2..1X$1 ..she say's I owe her $2...she had to use the calculator on her phone to agree with me...she was 30YO FFS......luckily she wasn't the bloody driver.!
     
    Steve355F1 and au-yt like this.
  7. au-yt

    au-yt F1 Veteran
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    Burradoo... Actually
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    Graeme
    I love confusing the hell out of school kids working in shops at Christmas the way its explained in 1-Dill. Call it Boomers revenge!
     
  8. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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  9. daytonaman

    daytonaman Formula Junior

    May 1, 2007
    961
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    howard pigdon
    At Christmas ?
    EVERY day,
    I only pay with cash and am continually amazed at our expensive useless education system
     
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  10. Ferraridoc

    Ferraridoc F1 World Champ
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    I hoard my cash, and one day, come the revolution...
     
  11. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Yes comrade ..... guillotine oiled up ? :p
     
  12. Ferraridoc

    Ferraridoc F1 World Champ
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    Invented by a doctor, don't you know...
     
  13. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Just another reason I don't trust your lot :p
     
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  14. knocker

    knocker F1 World Champ
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    Adrian
    And before 9am
     
  15. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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  16. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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  17. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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  18. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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  19. Gizzi

    Gizzi F1 Veteran
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  20. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Yeah, give him the drum!
     
  21. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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  22. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Olio


    Silly signature here to annoy KIAI
     
  23. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
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