A man and woman were lying in bed one night and the woman said to the man, "I sure wish I had bigger t!ts." Well the man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them. The woman looked at him and said "Toilet paper, what will that do?" The man said, "I don't know, but look what it's done for your arse."
might aswell continue the female bashing theme..... Q. What do you say to a woman with a black eye? A. Nothing, you've told her twice already.
sadan husan daughter , goes to her father dad i went to the shops today and there was no more Bags Dad it would have to be the worst joke i have ever heard !!
hey, you were right!!! i prefer the one about 3000 iraqi women shaving their pubic hair in an anti bush protest!
Greece v Italy: A Greek and an Italian were sitting one day, debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon". The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum". The Greek says, "We had great mathematicians" The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire". And so on and so on for hours, until finally the Greek lights up and says... "We invented sex". The Italian nods slowly , thinks, then replies, " That is true. But it was Italians who introduced it to women".
First grade class in Blacktown comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?" Sarah says, "I played in the sand box." Teacher says "that's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. Morris says, "I played with Sarah in sand box." Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'Box" correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Mahmoud what he did at recess. He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me." Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."
An Englishman is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??" Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course." Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Britain." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Englishman listens in silence. The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??" Englishman: "Of Course." Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chukling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Britain." After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?" Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk. Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course." Englishman: "We don't. In Britain, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum and sell them to France."
One day a bloke lost his arm in a workplace accident. He was lucky but,as the doctors wanted to fit a new hi-tech voice activated robotic arm to him. At first,he was a little worried,but then agreed to it. After the operation,the bloke went to the pub and sat down and oredered a beer. The barman brought the beer over and the bloke looked at his robotic arm and said "Pick up beer" The arm did what it was told. "Drink beer"he said. He soon drank that beer and ordered another,starting to like the idea of his new robotic arm! After a few drinks,he needed to take a piss,so he wandered off to the toilet. Once at the urinal,he commanded his arm" Unzip pants and remove dick" The arm did so of course. After he finished up taking a leak,he said "shake". The arm did. The bloke said to himself,mmmmm that feels pretty good. He said to his arm" Shake it again" The arm shook his dick again! Wow,the bloke thought! He then whispered to his arm "Pull it off" ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH The robotic arm ripped off the blokes penis! The bloke then yelled "**** ME" And the arm continued to do so! MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! That is a good joke when you actually do the movements with it,with the robotic arm!! Hope it wasnt too sick Hehe
A couple is lying in bed. The woman says, I am going to make you the happiest man in the world. The man replies. . . . . . . . . . Ill miss you. . . .
One day a woman comes home happy as larry and tells her husband she just won $10million on the Gold Lotto. The woman tells her husband to pack his bags. When the husband asks "Summer or winter clothes honey" the woman replies "I dont care! Just **** off outta the house!"
A police officer attempts to stop a car from speeding but the car just keeps increasing its speed until he hits 150 km/h. He eventually realises he can't get away and pulls over. The cop comes over to him and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over if you can give me a good reason for your behaviour, I'll let you off. The guy thinks for a few seconds and then he says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give the b**** back.
Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
