Wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
I have just been looking at some of those base jumpers, WOW! You guys just have too much time available I had this one sent to me this morning, it may be already on here, but still I had a chuckle Clock, Clock, Clock Clock A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's Julia Gillard's clock?" asked the man. " Julia's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?" "Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman. The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story". As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster. A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay . Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown . "Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?" "No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze whinging pom."
Since it's his thread, apparently this is a message for iggy [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoffJQz4CiI[/ame]
Well, I don't know...but the person who posted it, who was too gutless to put his name to it, says this........ Uploaded by stephensnowdencrime on Sep 11, 2011 Stephen Snowden walking out of Melbourne Magistrates Court after pleading guilty on the 1st of September 2011. This was the hearing where Stephen Snowden was sentenced after being convicted earlier. For those who run across this convicted criminal, be aware!!!
"Better get a lawyer son, Better get a real good one Don't drop the soap, Don't smoke no dope Get yourself a lawyer son, Your gonna need a good one To getcha outa this one" http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvEB0l6OqLR4&v=vEB0l6OqLR4&gl=AU
Was his name Jesus? Twice? A POLICE critical incident investigation was under way last night after a man was killed by an officer for the second time in a week Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/robbery-car-chase-carjacking--then-police-shoot-man-dead-in-westfield-20120325-1vsoo.html#ixzz1qA5taESo
A Sex Researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the guy, "In response to the question of frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'." "That's right," replies the guy "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.".
Immigration official at Greek Airport : Nationality? Arriving Passenger : German Immigration official : Occupation? Arriving Passenger : No, just a holiday
The newspaper, "The Australian," over a period of weeks sought entries for The Great Australian yarn. This was the winner: Two cattle drovers were standing in an Outback bar. One asked, "What are ya up to, mate?" "Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6,000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie" "Oh yeah ...... and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus ... after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought"
