Aussie joke thread

I like my new avatar...thanks Mr Millard.

 

Can you put a bigger pic up?

I'm tapatalkin' on my iPhone.

 

I wish I could! I don't know where it came from. Bigger is better though.

 

Three couples – one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed – were interested in joining the church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new members. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed to the terms and they all came back at the end of the two week period.

The priest went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”

The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father.”

“Congratulations, you are now members of the church!” said the priest.

The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”

The middle-aged man replied, “The first week wasn’t too bad. The second week I ended up having to sleep on the couch for a few nights, but yes, we made it.”

“Congratulations you are now members of the church!” said the priest.

Finally, the priest went to the newlywed couple and asked, “Were you two newlyweds able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”

“No Father, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.

“What happened?” asked the priest.

“My wife was reaching for a can of soup on the top shelf and she dropped it,” said the man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”

“I see. Unfortunately this means you will not be welcomed into our church,” said the priest.

“We know,” said the couple. “We’re not welcome at Woolies anymore either.”

 

http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/digital-life-news/you-could-be-fired-for-liking-a-facebook-page-20120509-1ybvp.html

 

hmmm..indeed

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-lost-star-marries-16-year-old,0,144038.story

 

Nice work if you can get it

 

and people say *I* have too much spare time!

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw5LlSKKG3M&[/ame]

 

Today I went for a ride in a boat. It made me sea sick.
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I heard when Prince Charles was offered a "Free Range Rover" he thought is was a dog that laid eggs!
Boom boom

 

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Does the poor old Indian thing ever get a wash?

Or is it just run into things and left filthy?

 

One of your clinics?

 

No, just one of the events planned for Lake Cathie

 

LOL. Who is bringing the Table?

 

Indian SUV?

 

Sorry, not able to respond. Half Pissed. NTTAWWT

 

Can't wait.

 

a GG accredited Pilates instructor will be bringing all his gear in the back of a 928

 

I know it was cleaned in March

 

Aussie F-Chat medicine
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Anyone for KFC?

I have heard it tastes Fowl!

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Porsche 928 Wagon and Massage Table being Custom Built in preparedness for GG2012.

Make sure you bring your own Warming Oil.

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Rob and his family

http://video.dailytelegraph.com.au/2234909866/Viral-Baboons-behaving-badly

 

Can't be, too well behaved.