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Aww hell, NNO's gonna hate me for this one...

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Hubert, Feb 2, 2004.

  1. Hubert

    Hubert F1 Rookie

    Jan 3, 2002
    2,642
    The Left Coast
    ...but, I got a great laugh out of it:

    A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE ******* DATE.

    A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

    A Retrosexual DEALS with ****. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you ****ING DEAL WITH IT.

    A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

    A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

    A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

    A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old (Yes, Contagion, I'm lookin' at you)

    A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with ****" portion of The Code.

    A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

    A Retrosexual does not let neighbors **** up rooms in his house on national TV.

    A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

    A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH ****. When you ****ed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up *****.

    A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

    A Retrosexual knows how to tie a ****ing windsor knot when wearing a tie (There, Contagion, that made up for the Hot Topic crack)

    A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That **** is gay.
    However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.

    A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. (If not, he can borrow some from my friend Daniel, who has enough
    wound stories to last for 3 lifetimes)

    A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

    A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to ****ing DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.

    A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.

    A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has ****ing gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??

    A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small penis. Massage and cunnilingus skills are the way to make up for a small penis, guns are ****ing TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with ****. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot.
     
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  3. robiferretti

    robiferretti F1 Rookie

    Oct 31, 2003
    3,252
    NYC area
    Full Name:
    rob ferretti
    if your going to do something Carbon wont like.... why do it in the first place?
     
  4. Hubert

    Hubert F1 Rookie

    Jan 3, 2002
    2,642
    The Left Coast
    It's in jest. Get it? Like a joke? You know, some tom foolery?
     
  5. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    Grabbing boobs at the office is just a part of life so deal with that **** women! And if your ass is still soar 5 hours after I "hit it" that means I like you.
     
  6. thecarreaper

    thecarreaper F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Sep 30, 2003
    16,037
    Savannah
    Full Name:
    I NEED A JOB
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  8. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    Yeah I know him, he's an *******.
     
  9. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    LOL...! Ok, that was funny... i can identify with 11 of those things, too... :)
    Hubert, did you find anything on Metrosexuals...? Mako says i'm a metrosexual, so i'm curious as to what kind of a list that would be comprised of... :)
     
  10. Mojo

    Mojo Formula 3

    Sep 24, 2002
    1,293
    Washington St.
    Full Name:
    Joseph
    Sounds to me like you described a Macho Man from the 60's.
     
  11. Tyler

    Tyler F1 Rookie

    Dec 19, 2001
    4,274
    dusty old farm town
    Full Name:
    Tyler
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  13. bluekawala

    bluekawala Formula Junior

    Jan 22, 2004
    430
    Ormond Beach, FL
    LMAO!! Thats awesome!
     

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