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Bachelor Pad Guide ...

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by twinturbo, Feb 2, 2004.

  1. twinturbo

    twinturbo Karting

    Nov 10, 2003
    156
    Ok ... after a couple years of experience I think of got it down almost right ... this is not meant to be perfect so if you have things to add please do ... obviously you don't have to be single now to chime in ... you can reminisce on your younger years ...

    Ok where to start ... the main thing I've learned is to never give the girl a reason to have to leave your house ... for every excuse she comes up with you should have a solution ... so here it goes

    1. Among your DVD collection you must have a section of cheesy boy meets girl and they both fall in love movies ... also after watching these movies remember during which parts and what some girls (the ones watching the movie with you) say (their comments) so you can repeat them with different girls ... example: "she doesn't deserve to be treated like that?!?!" ...

    2. Have a very comfortable couch ... I mean plush fall asleep on type **** ... make sure the A/C is cold and there are throw blankets laying around everywhere so you can keep each other warm ...

    3. TAMPONS ... I keep a big box of multiple assorted playtex tampons in my bathroom ... don't use tampax ... also if the girl your with is skeptical about your just a player thing ... make sure you do the whole "ohh my ex-girlfriend from a couple months ago might still have some here gig?" so she doesn't think you have girls over all the time ... oh yeah she's special ...

    4. MOTRIN ... I can't count the number of times girls have asked me for motrin ... I keep a BIG bottle around ... you might also want to add a couple other drugs for the cramps and womenly area ... basically keep the medicine cabinet FULL ... yes women have problems and if they can't fix the cramp in their stomach they will want to leave ...

    5. TOOTHBRUSH ... extra toothbrushes are a must ... keep a drawer full, don't leave a bunch of used toothbrushes in your sink cup either just one, remember she's the only one that you've had spent the night like this on the whim before, you don't want her to be like "who's toothbrushes are these?" ... also don't let her see the drawer full of them ... if she does then your cousin is a dentist and he sends you a box of them all the time "he's crazy, he wont stop sending them" hahahha

    6. BABY WIPES ... keep a box of these in every bathroom by the toilet and before they use the bathroom make sure you give them the friendly reminder that you have them under the sink if she wants them ... ahh ur soooo sweet and thoughtful ...

    7. COMFORTABLE BED ... yes this is a huge must, I'm talking sit on the bed and sink in type of thing ... I also bought 1000 thread count sheets so it's ridiculous ... I like to do the whole "I bet my bed is more comfortable than your's?" girls always think they have the best bed at home ... keep a set of clean sheets in your closet, this is good for the comment "NO, I don't even want to know what's on those sheets?" well you don't have to worry about it, even though those are clean, I have a spare set of sheets here that are also 1000 thread count ... ?

    8. SPARE CLOSET ... I have a hers closet with an assortment of shoes, tops, pajamas, jeans, pants, sweaters, jackets, slippers, ... these are all things I bought at target for girls or have been left at my house ... if you keep panties they have to still have the tags on them or it's a no go ... there's no way around having a closet setup like this ... when the girl see's this you are officially a WHORE ... but usually they need the spare clothes after they've spent the night or taken a shower etc ... so by this point it shouldn't matter ...

    9. PERFUME ... I have a couple of bottles of stuff left from old girlfriends but the only one I went out and bought is JIVAGO ...

    10. TEA-CUP YORKIE ... ok ok it's getting ridiculous but I've got a forumula that works ... I went out and bought me a $3000 tea-cup yorkie ... you're thinking "what a *****" well for your info I've had three pit-bulls that I raised, they went to my cousin ... the YORKIE is a deal closer ... I'm talking about going out to a bar and telling people you have a tea-cup at home and girls will literally caravan to your house to see the dog ... she also comes in handy when you have a girl over for the first time and she's not much for conversation or it becomes ackwardly silent sitting on the bed ... well hey let's play with the yorkie "ahhh how cute!" then I say "she's getting jealous because I'm paying too much attention to you" blah blah ...

    11. BESTFRIEND ... out of everything that works above this is the best one that does the most ... you have to have a hot girl that is your best friend ... I'm talking you guys need to be teamates and have each others back and help each other hook up with girls and guys ... I can't begin to tell you how receptive girls are to you when you introduce yourself then your hot best friend ... it's like they feel you've been approved as a good guy already ...

    there's probably more and I can't think of it ... if I do i'll let yall know ...

    Dario
     
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  3. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    You're scary, stay away from me.
     
  4. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

    Dec 10, 2002
    1,533
    Southern NJ
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    Mike Z.
    LOL. Great post.
     
  5. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
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    Carbon McCoy
    This is, quite possibly, the funniest thing i've ever read.
     
  6. Ed P.

    Ed P. Formula 3

    Dec 28, 2002
    2,177
    Long Island
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    No Longer
    This is very funny, but I must say with a mindset like that you'll probably stay a bachelor for a long time.. lol
     
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  8. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,237
    Austin, TX
    Full Name:
    Randy
    going through the checklist now...
    1. - check, okay I've got A Princess Bride - that's the best I can do. Apart from that... maybe Bugs Life or Toy Story (which both rock, and the Toy Story sequal too!). At Best Buy, there is a 'girlie flick box set', which comes with ~5 movies of girlie movies. That would be your best bet, but I would suggest you throw away the box cover. And no, I didn't look for this but just came across it one day.

    2. - check, got that!

    3. - eh... ya know, I used to because one left them there, but nope, had to ditch them.

    4. - check!

    5. - check!

    6. - eh... guess I gotta make a run to the store now.

    7. - definately that. had it for years. although it isn't the comfiest for all, it is the temper pedic (bought years before those commercials were out - ugh). 1000 thread count sheets? some don't do it for me. I have to go by feel alone. currently with some that are 320 thread count sateen cotton sheets that just rock, much better than any of the higher thread counts I've had in the past - and a mere 20 bucks on sale as well.

    8. - sorry, one closet. gotta get a bigger place to keep up with Dario!

    9. - eh... nah, I'll pass!

    10. - no thanks. one cat will be fine for me. I can't stand foofie dogs that yap. I'd go deaf, or crazy...or both!

    11. - check!
     
  9. bluekawala

    bluekawala Formula Junior

    Jan 22, 2004
    430
    Ormond Beach, FL
    Well I don't quite have a Porsche and a big p!mpin house... BUT I have a cool looking old MG and the sweetest dorm room on my floor! ;)
     
  10. rudy

    rudy Formula Junior

    Jan 13, 2004
    360
    Los Angeles California
    Full Name:
    Rudy Hassen
    I just say..."Oh...my wallet is so full of 100's...let me put them in one of my Ferraris so I can sit straight."
    Does the same thing.
     
  11. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,237
    Austin, TX
    Full Name:
    Randy
    another tip to add...

    12. - if you don't have a high balance in your checking account, find someone who does, or better yet - just browse through some of the ATM receipts that people drop by the ATM. some don't always print out. BofA is trying to reduce costs, so they ask if you need a receipt or not. others will follow suit if they haven't already. when you find one with a lot of cash - either just deposited, say... a few grand and on up to lots of dough in the stock pile of your checking account - save that receipt. when you provide a girl with your phone number, directions, or any kind of information, use that to write on and leave it with her. chances are... she'll call you back. (I haven't tried this personally but through an experiment with some friends of mine - yeup, sure did!)
     
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  13. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

    Dec 10, 2002
    1,533
    Southern NJ
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    Mike Z.
    On the topic of blatent deception...

    I went to college at New Jersey Institute of Technology. Great Comp Sci program, but not known for its parties. Because of that, I used to hang out at Villanova many weekends. I quickly noticed that if someone asked where I went, and I said "NJIT" they would go, "huh?" and the conversation pretty much ended. What I began to do was just tell people I went to Harvard. It worked like a charm. All the girls were much more interested in a good looking guy from Harvard over a computer geek. :)

    The best part is, there's a good explanation behind the lie, and if you got to know someone pretty well, it's very easy to explain your way out of the lie and into the truth.


    Just another tactic that might be adapted to fit your own needs...
     
  14. rudy

    rudy Formula Junior

    Jan 13, 2004
    360
    Los Angeles California
    Full Name:
    Rudy Hassen
    When in doubt...lie.
     
  15. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

    Dec 10, 2002
    1,533
    Southern NJ
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    Mike Z.
    hahahaha... you just reminded me of a great line from Scent of a Woman... when Al Pacino and Chris O'Donnell are just about to leave for NY, Al Pacino picks up his cat, strokes it, and whispers in it's ear...

    When in doubt... f^&k. :)
     
  16. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
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    Apr 3, 2001
    11,237
    Austin, TX
    Full Name:
    Randy
    I hate to suggest it, but this is a good read:
    The Art of Deception: Controlling the Human Element of Security and applies to many more situations than just being a bachelor.

    While I might not follow those kinds of practices, it is an eye opener to little bits of information that can be exploited.
     
  17. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

    Dec 10, 2002
    1,533
    Southern NJ
    Full Name:
    Mike Z.
    By Mr. Mitnick. :)

    Being in the computer security field, I've read it. Social Engineering has always been a fascination, I've just never been particularly great at it. But you do pick up some things here and there.

    I was at a training class last month and the instructor relied heavily on that book for the section dedicated to social engineering. Funny thing was, he is friends with Kevin Mitnick, who actually called him one night while we were hanging out at a bar after class.
     
  18. twinturbo

    twinturbo Karting

    Nov 10, 2003
    156
    Well ...

    I didn't really start the thread to come up with way's to trick or lie to girls ... I'm a firm believer in being honest and up front or else it will come back and nip you in the butt ... in no way do I EVER lead a girl on into thinking there's going to be a relationship or a future etc ... most girls pretty much put two and two together and give me credit for being up front and go along with the program ... I'm really kind of creating a sense of comfort ... I don't lie about what I do or what I have etc ...

    I do side track a bit about things like tooth-brushes and tampons but those are things that help the situation be a bit more comfortable for the ladies and are somewhat petty ... ;)

    the main reason for being up front is that most of the girls I end up hanging out with go to the same places I do so I try not to pretend it's more than what it is or you get a bad wrap ... showing her an ATM receipt with boo-koo bucks on it, then later she runs into someone you know and you're broke then you'd have to find a new spot to go ... I stay friends with everyone and they later laugh about it realising they were a victim of my formula ...

    Dario
     
  19. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

    Dec 10, 2002
    1,533
    Southern NJ
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    Mike Z.
    Yeah, I'm usually a VERY honest guy (to the point of being detrimental sometimes...), but my example was merely a way that I guided the conversation rather than get the whole 21 questions about school which would make me look like a geek. It's kind of like in the movie "Swingers" when Mikey tells the girls that he's an actor and he gets a million and a half questions and looks like a loser, whereas Trent says, "I'm a producer" and they go, "Oh, cool."

    I would always tell the girl (or guy for that matter) later on that I was kidding about Harvard, I just say that all the time b/c no one knows NJIT. They always understand since there's a valid explanation to back it up.

    But hey, it works... if you want to steer a conversation, sometimes you have to fib a little. If there's a good reason for doing it, coming clean makes you look brutally honest, which also works to your advantage.
     
  20. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,237
    Austin, TX
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    Randy
    Ya know, I'm not so sure about the comfort factor. While it is convenient, it can be odd. Just depends on the girl and the situation or rather, how you handle it.

    I try to play things, "if I were in her situation..." but it isn't always the better choice. Years ago, I spent the night over at one girl's place (who became a girlfriend, now ex, which lated a little over a year) and she handed me a toothbrush at night. She actually had a drawer filled with them in their little plastic wraps. Should I have thought twice about that girl? Nah, she was a dentist. =)
     
  21. Challenge

    Challenge Formula 3

    Sep 27, 2002
    1,532
    PA
    Full Name:
    Kevin
    Being an oceanfront guy who has only been landlocked for a couple of years, let me skip the tampons and go right to the REAL list. (BTW, wouldn't it look suspicious to a girl for a guy to stock tampons?)

    The LIST (in order of importance):

    (1) Booze. Keep a variety of liquers and wine and don't run low. Booze is like insurance; when you need it it's too late to go buy it.

    (2) Hot tub. Conversation about it mixed with #1....

    (3) Fireplace (esp cold climates). Also mixes well with #1.

    (4) Deck/porch/patio/bulkhead with water view. Ocean preferable, but a sound or a lake will work. This will be where you put #2. Again, mixes well with #1 (see where I'm going here?)

    (5) Clean house, especially bathroom. Yes, it pays to do chores every Thursday night. I studied this stuff.

    (6) Nice sound system with a variety of CD's (Dave Matthews seems to work) but don't go too crazy because women don't get into stereos. If it plays w/o static, you're OK.

    You're on your own now...
     
  22. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

    Dec 10, 2002
    1,533
    Southern NJ
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    Mike Z.
    Dave Matthews works well, but depending on the girl and the situation, Marvin Gaye can work wonders.

    Surprisingly, girls love that horrible song "More than Words" if a guy plays it to them on a guitar. If you get a guitar for no other reason, get it to learn that. I thought it was BS at first, but I knew a guy that would seal the deal with that song, so I learned it on my guitar and was surprised at the effects.
     
  23. M.James

    M.James F1 Rookie

    Jun 6, 2003
    2,720
    Worcester, MA
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    Michael.C.James
    TWNTRBO's list reminds me of some drivel I read about in MAXIM or STUFF magazine....anyone who takes dating/relationship advice from these types of magazines is in for real trouble. Although, I will admit, I have a few of the less-than-feminine items in my house because I use them on a day-to-day basis.
     
  24. Hubert

    Hubert F1 Rookie

    Jan 3, 2002
    2,642
    The Left Coast
    I've always felt that if you've go to barter with a woman for her attention; she's not all that interested to begin with, and you're just wasting your own (and her) time.
    All this prep and pomp may make for a good editiorial to write for a chessy "guys rag" editior who's burning midnight oil before deadline, but it doesn't translate to the real world.
    In my twilight... I met more woman when stopped for a coffee on a sunday A.M. ride on my Ducati; worn blue jeans, an old whit t-shirt and my black vanson leather jacket.
     
  25. twinturbo

    twinturbo Karting

    Nov 10, 2003
    156
    YES ... I knew I forgot a few things ... keep a stocked bar alway's and know how to make girly shots so that they go "hmmm ... i can't taste the alcohol that was good" ... I'm in the process of ripping out some cabinets and putting a built-in wine cellar

    FIREPLACE ... is a must but it's only cold here in texas for a month

    CLEAN ... i've been told that many girls check the bathroom to determine whether the guy is worth her time ... no one wants a slob ... I went to military school so for four years I was taught to be white-glove inspection clean

    HOT TUB ... this is a must but I'm still working on getting one


    I got all my info through EXPERIENCE plus trial and error ...

    Also when you strike it rich it helps to have big toys as well
    http://ferrarichat.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6947
     
  26. twinturbo

    twinturbo Karting

    Nov 10, 2003
    156
    uhmmm ... this is real world experience ... I don't know how to prove it to you other than maybe taking pictures or sending you video? Well ... maybe the fact that I'm 23 and the girls range from 18-30 make it sound more realistic to you ? ...
     
  27. Hubert

    Hubert F1 Rookie

    Jan 3, 2002
    2,642
    The Left Coast

    Not disputing your sucess with the opposite sex. If it works for you, good! I'm just of a rustic mindset. Well, that, and I'd never buy a small , "cute" dog. In the end all this preperation talk makes the whole thing seem pre-meditated. To me, that takes something away.
     
  28. twinturbo

    twinturbo Karting

    Nov 10, 2003
    156

    Well I agree with most that this is not the way to find the ONE you're looking for ... I for one was not looking for that ONE ... but if it makes everyone feel like there is hope for this system, I fell in love with my bestfriend (#11 on the list) and have now put the formula of mine aside ... she stuck with me for a couple years through this whole process and in the end she was in front of me the whole time ...

    maybe I should re-title the thread SINLGE-Forever PAD??
     

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