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Chaos on the way to Ferrari!

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by JetSetBoy, Mar 23, 2005.

  1. JetSetBoy

    JetSetBoy Rookie
    BANNED

    Mar 23, 2005
    1
    NYC/LA/South Beach
    Full Name:
    Fabian
    Greetings from the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons Chicago!

    Why is the world so hard? Later on last weekend when I was in L.A., I thought i'd go pick up a new F430 after denting my SL65 while I was in New York in a terrible way (It's never acceptable to use damaged goods.)

    That fabulous Saturday morning, my Black Berry reminded me of my appointment with Ferrari of Bevely Hills 12:00 p.m. Being as prepared as I am, I instruct driver for my Maybach 62 to arrive at my Bel Air estate at 11:50 (Fashionistas are always a bit late.) But this blockhead took it overboard!

    While trying to slip on my Spring/Summer 05' Yves St. Laurent croc embossed boots, my platinum edition Vertu cell starts to ring. I reach for the phone with my Prada moisturized hands, and the driver informs me that he is running a bit late. I begin to freak out and demand that the Maybach pull onto my Belgian Block driveway in 10 minutes, or i'd have his low-rent ass deported ASAP!

    I glance at my Harry Winston watch, and he is still late so I decide to drive myself. I pick up the Bang&Olufsen phone and try to get reach of him, he's shut his phone off! Out of luck, I shuffle through my Hermes Birkin man-bag and in search of the keys to the Rolls Royce Phantom. No luck!

    I usually don't drive, so I had no idea where the keys where. I scream Maria's name resulting in an echo throughout the 40,000+ square foot Italian villa. When I grab hold of her, I demand she look through the butlers quarters for the keys. Approximately 10 minutes later comes before me and hands me a pair of keys. I look down through my oversized frames and notice the three pointed star gleaming off of Mercedes Smart-Key, so I storm out the house in my $1,800 YSL's and begin to hit the panic button with my Chanel manicured nails in search for the right vehicle.

    After about 2 mintues of playing match-the-key, I finally found the car. I slid down my oversized dark Versus by Versace sunglasses from my Creme De La Mer (16.5 oz, $1,200 a bottle) moisturized face, and attempt to match the keys with the vehicle. Eurika, I've found it! Eww, I begin to notice it was a non-AMG S-Class!!! I storm back into the house, grabbing hold of my Roberto Cavalli belt, as my hand made boots click-clacked all over the marble floor in a imposing demeanor. I throw the keys back at Maria and demand she park that car at back, God forbid our new neigbors (Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony) were to show up at our doorstep, only to be greeted by the eye sore of that dirty non-AMG, pre-face lifted Mercedes!!!

    After the Bel Air Estate was town apart by my in-house staff, one of my hired help finally came across a pair of keys to the Maserati Quattroporte. Great, I have never driven this one before! I run back into my dressing quarters as my hairdresser following me up the stairs grooming me as if it were award show season!

    I run out of the house, found the vehicle, and slid my Dolce&Gabbana trousers across the fine tailored Poltrona Frau leather seats. "How the hell do you drive this thing," I wonder. I am not familiar with the gear-box! I start the car, only to find out that it starts in automatic mode, great! My haute couture boots smash on the alumminum medals as the akward upshifts force my La Mer moisturized body to lunge in un-easy ways. I fear that my freshly styled crop (done by world-famous Guy Kreme), and my perfectly pressed Dolce trousers will be ruined by the time I make my dramatic entrance at the dealership! I clutch onto my Vertu phone in case of emergency!

    I proceed to merge the Grigio Nuvolari/Cuoio colored Italian masterpiece onto Stradella Rd, impressed by the grip of the Pirelli's. I take notice of the beautiful interior, promping me to pull down the vanity mirror to see if the glow of skin color clashes well with the interior trim. Very well I think to myself as I admire my Harry Winston watch beautifully nestled on the Cuoio steering wheel.

    I start to drive at a steady pace, and then noticed through the corners of my Versaces' what seemed to be a BMW. All I see through the dark lenses were the letters V12 glistening in my eyes. V12 7-Series? I dismiss that leased $999 a month vehicle llike last seasons Gucci collection, and turn my attention to my beautiful little puppy frowning upon me through the net of his Louis Vuitton dog-carrier.

    I find something for Marc Jacobs to eat, then I hear sound of the BMW speeding up. We merge onto Bellagio, I give him a dirty look, flip my hair and prepared for the launch. I tap the paddles simultaneously with my Prada moisturized hands, put the transmission in neutral and took off. I did quite well for a beginner, although I wasn't satisfied!

    I roll down the windows, stick my Harry Winston bejewled hand out (while blinding them with the rocks) and throw my low carb milkshake all over his trashy white vehicle. I slowly roll my windows up, and proceed with business.

    I reach for my Balenciaga bag in the back seat, grab a notepad, and search begin to search for Blue Star Jets on the Quattroporte's GSM Phone Kit. I had an appointment in Manhattan the next day to view some property in the Time Warner Building, so I wanted to be prepared. I look at the time, 15 miutes late!

    I become stressed and start to increase my speed. I glance at the Electrochromatic rear-view mirrors and notice what seems to be the same BMW comming up on me at full speed. Damn, I started to panic while ensuring Marc Jacobs that everything would be okay. He seemed very scared.

    We start to fly down Sunset in a dangerous pace, while I start to regret not taking our Mercedes McLaren SLR. I swerve with the Cuoio colored steering wheel, as the extreme bolstered seats grab hold of my Fendi shirt.

    I see him coming forth so my Yves St. Laurent's violently mash down on the pedal and unleash the 394 horsepower and 333 pound-feet of torque. I look back again, it seems as if i'm losing him. I make a sharp turn, stopped and had Maserati's road side assistance in close reach to me. At this time I have no idea where I am, so I search for Ferrari/Maserati through the navigation system.

    About 20 minutes later, I arrive at the dealer. To make a long story short, they didn't have the F430 I wanted in stock so I ended up throwing a fit. I flash my American Express Centurion (Alexander McQueen edition) and remind those Brooks Brothers clad salesman who their dealing with. I storm out of the tacky decoured dealership with my haute couture and ran over to my Quattroporte and attempt to leave, but a kind gentleman by the name of James assures me he can get me a F430 in a couple months! He takes my contact number and I leave. I roll down the windows, open the sunroof, merge onto Wilshire and speed off into the California sunset as the onlookers began to gawk over my fabulous glow!
     
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  3. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Jan 20, 2004
    33,509
    Purgatory
    Full Name:
    Internet Poseur
    Still rated as "newest member" at the bottom of the page, with this first post....

    Hmmm...


    Opps, already banned, too Quick!

    Who was it?
     
  4. Korr

    Korr F1 World Champ
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    Dec 7, 2003
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    OMG!

    Fabian Wu!
     
  5. Challenge

    Challenge Formula 3

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    PA
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    Kevin
  6. MarkPDX

    MarkPDX F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Apr 21, 2003
    11,162
    Gulf Coast
    Where is Jimmy? I hope he is taking notes....
     
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  8. SRT Mike

    SRT Mike Two Time F1 World Champ

    Oct 31, 2003
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    Raymond Luxury Yacht
    You will fit in perfectly :)
     
  9. judge4re

    judge4re F1 World Champ

    Apr 26, 2003
    13,234
    Never home
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    Dr. Dumb Ass
    He printed the post and was last seen heading to Rodeo Drive!!!
     
  10. Korr

    Korr F1 World Champ
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    Bruthas!
     
  11. Dave328

    Dave328 Formula 3

    Nov 24, 2002
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    [SIGH!!]

    PAY

    TO

    POST !!!!!!!!


    Dave
     
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  13. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Aug 6, 2003
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    Ryan Alexander
  14. triXXXter

    triXXXter Formula Junior

    Nov 11, 2003
    652
    Ft. Worth TX
    Full Name:
    Steven G. Ogden
    OH COME ON!!! This isn't so freakin bad! It was ok written and relatively entertaining being as extreme as it is. Sound's like Anna Nicole Smith if she would have gotten that old man's money.

    Besides I have met someone darn near this much of a name dropping a ss.
     
  15. judge4re

    judge4re F1 World Champ

    Apr 26, 2003
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    Dr. Dumb Ass
    Wu you talking about?
     
  16. jordan747_400

    jordan747_400 F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 9, 2002
    6,926
    Houston, TX
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    Jordan Witherspoon
    Hmm, I found this quite funny :)
     
  17. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 14, 2003
    58,607
    In front of you
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    Too funny!

    DL
     
  18. thadbrown

    thadbrown Karting

    Nov 3, 2003
    229
    it reminds me of reading american psycho, brand names in every sentence. oliver peoples this, versace that
     
  19. ralessi

    ralessi Formula 3

    May 26, 2002
    1,093
    Houston, TX
    Full Name:
    Rikk
    Wait, did he get banned for this post? Why? Just curious if so - seemed pretty innocent. Maybe he did something else.
     
  20. vincent355

    vincent355 F1 Veteran
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    Apr 8, 2003
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    Vincent
    I feel your pain brotha!

    hate it when that **** happens to me.


    LMAO
     
  21. vincent355

    vincent355 F1 Veteran
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    My guess...multiple personalities
     
  22. judge4re

    judge4re F1 World Champ

    Apr 26, 2003
    13,234
    Never home
    Full Name:
    Dr. Dumb Ass
    Ding ding ding!

    We have a winner.

    Tell him what he gets Johnny...
     
  23. GameOfDeath

    GameOfDeath Karting

    Apr 10, 2004
    113
    Los Angeles
    Full Name:
    F H
  24. vincent355

    vincent355 F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed

    Apr 8, 2003
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    Full Name:
    Vincent

    WWWWEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL

    He gets banned, and no rice-a-roni. Alex.
     
  25. Jdubbya

    Jdubbya Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Dec 28, 2003
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    PNW
    Full Name:
    John
    Ha Ha Ha, the same as my 27 year old 308!!!!!!
     
  26. normhuff

    normhuff Formula Junior

    Dec 14, 2003
    711
    Peoria, IL
    Full Name:
    J. Norman Huff, Esq.
    I don't know what the world's most expensive toilet paper is, but I bet it feels great...
     

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