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Darwin Awards 2003

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by mjgermane, Jan 26, 2004.

  1. mjgermane

    mjgermane Formula Junior

    Jan 21, 2003
    507
    I got this in an email from a friend.

    DARWIN AWARDS 2003

    It's that time again . . . . . They are finally out! You all know
    about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did
    the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
    extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was
    killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was
    attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees are:


    Semifinalist #1

    A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
    because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
    Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
    fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
    down, killing both him and his sister.


    Semifinalist #2

    Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
    when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
    occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
    crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
    their ankles.


    Semifinalist #3

    A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
    octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
    police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
    together wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
    trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
    Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
    because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
    assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,"
    Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."


    Semifinalist #4

    A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and
    a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
    friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.


    Semifinalist #5

    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
    smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
    extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.. After
    the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
    dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
    navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
    described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
    retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
    the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
    > >>of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
    the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
    suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
    peers.


    And the winner . ..

    The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
    embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a
    curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a
    car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally
    figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy had
    somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid
    fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra
    "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala
    > >>out into the desert and found a long and straight stretch of road. Then
    he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired
    off the JATO! The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator
    of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
    miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched
    > >>and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly,
    would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to
    reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an
    additional 20-25 seconds. The driver and soon to be pilot, most likely would
    have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under
    > >>full afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder
    of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for
    about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely
    melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the
    road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
    impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater
    3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable;
    however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the
    crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
    believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach 1,
    attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph.
     
  2. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
    Advising Moderator

    Jul 20, 2003
    44,124
    SFPD
    Full Name:
    Dirty Harry
  3. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,237
    Austin, TX
    Full Name:
    Randy
    I love how that is worded.
    thanks for sharing.


    edit: good catch Mark!
     
  4. MarkPDX

    MarkPDX F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Apr 21, 2003
    11,115
    Gulf Coast
    The JATO Impala has long been proved fake - Snopes
     
  5. MarkPDX

    MarkPDX F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Apr 21, 2003
    11,115
    Gulf Coast
    Here is a funny story along the lines of Semifinalist #2. I don't know if it's true or not but a few AF friends tell me it's possible.

     
  6. judge4re

    judge4re F1 World Champ

    Apr 26, 2003
    13,234
    Never home
    Full Name:
    Dr. Dumb Ass
  7. Bryan

    Bryan Formula 3

    FYI. This has been a proposed Darwin Award winner for at least 8 years.
    http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html

    The Arizona Highway Patrol has no record of this ever happening.
    http://www.wagoneers.com/pages/RocketCar/AZ-state-on-the-myth.html

    Check out The Mythbusters attempt to reproduce this though!!

    http://www.adamsavage.com/tvshow.html
     
  8. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    Yeah that was good!
     
  9. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

    Oct 31, 2003
    6,106
    California
    Full Name:
    Ryan
    fwerfff zen!
     
  10. Z0RR0

    Z0RR0 F1 Rookie

    Apr 11, 2004
    3,445
    Montreal, Canada
    Full Name:
    Julien
    I remember reading a while ago some guy pretending he maybe was at the origin of the urban myth of the award winning story.
    A shortened version of the version goes like this. Daddy has a military scrap yard, accidentally, a set of chemical boosters ended up in that yard and the kids thought it would be cool to attach one of them to a car. Having some brains, they decided to put the car on rails, rails that lead into a mine, and a couple miles long. They lit the thing for a test run (empty, no one in it)and the car went straight into the mountain/mine, with only it end protruding. Brakes and stuff had melted long ago.
    It may be just another internet story, but it was a nice read. Too bad I can't find it anywhere, now.
     

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