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few silly jokes------

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by tonyh, Nov 25, 2003.

  1. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Bad news, Good news

    President George W. Bush was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."
    "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
    "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
    "Gosh, and the good news?"
    "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

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    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm not about to play golf with Jim Walsh anymore."
    "Why not?"
    "Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green."
    "That's possible."
    "Not when I had the ball in my pocket!"

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    This just in from Texas....

    A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

    At a news conference announcing the invention the scientist was taken outside by a large group of cowboys and had the **** kicked out of him
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    Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
    "Who?"
    "Dave Aronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."
    "There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris.
    "Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
    "He was something, huh?"
    "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."
    "No wonder you remember him."
    "Well, I never actually met Dave."
    "Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris.
    "Because I married his widow."


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  2. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    LMAO...! The last one is the best...!
     

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