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HELP! Need a good come back.

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by F360@20, Mar 1, 2004.

  1. F360@20

    F360@20 Karting

    Nov 24, 2003
    244
    San Diego
    Ok, I know I posted about pre-nups before but the subject has come up again. This girl I have been dating for a awhile and swears we are going to get married(i think other wise at least right now). One day she brought it up and I said if and when I do she will sign a pre nup and then I asked her if she would sign one. bla bla bla. So she sent me this today she read it somewhere..

    Deciding what you'll do when your relationship fails seems like a pretty pessimistic way to start a union that's supposed to last your entire lives. Isn't marriage about sharing all of yourself and your life with another person? Drawing up a prenup says you're willing to share your life but not your bank account. If you have that many doubts about your partner's character or commitment you probably shouldn't be walking down the aisle.


    How should I respond...?
     
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  3. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Aug 6, 2003
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    I'm personally against pre-nups, as I would agree that marriage should be so serious that you are willing to jump in with full faith and 100% commitment, including property becoming common. I agree with that text she sent.

    Given that, my advice to you would be just not to marry her unless you had that level of assurance that you could go without a prenup. Now, this doesn't mean wait for years, but I wouldn't bother with marriage unless it meant you could trust her that much. Only you know ALL of the details of your relationship, when and where you met/courted and your financial situation.

    From your first paragraph it doesn't seem that you're convinced she's the one yet anyway.
     
  4. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Set the scene:
    Either cook or bring in a fabulous gourmet dinner...accompanied with an outstanding wine, after which you put on some soft music, light a fire, look deeply into her eyes while stroking her face, pull out the document and whisper softly into her ear, BLOW ME...sign here!"

    Seriously, I don't know your situation but if it's a family money thing...blame them! Besides, if she really loves you she'll sign it.

    DL
     
  5. 96impalaSS

    96impalaSS F1 Rookie

    Dec 8, 2003
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    Pre nups are good I think. Its your money and if something happens you wouldnt want to loose. Hopefully nothing will happen but you should always watch your 6.

    Id jsut explain to her that you do trust her but with a percentage of like 50% of marriages ending in divorce its a good idea. (actually I still dont think she would understand)
     
  6. tvrfreak

    tvrfreak F1 Rookie
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    Mar 31, 2003
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    Someone I know had his fiancee sign a prenup agreement that will be valid for the first 5 years of the marriage. He thinks that if they can last 5 years, they will last forever...I get the feeling she's thinking 3 down, 2 to go!
     
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  8. PSk

    PSk F1 World Champ

    Nov 20, 2002
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    ... retract the prenup agreement, and be honest with her, and indicate that you are not ready yet to be thinking about marriage. If she is, then goodbye, but if she wants to wait for you then it will be a lot better, because then you both will be ready. Getting married when you are not ready is absolutely stupid, and so is stringing a girl along ...

    Pete
     
  9. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 20, 2003
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    Drawing up a prenup says you're willing to share your bank account with the one who shares your life, alright, but on the flip side of the coin, says you're not willing to share your bank account with the one who, hypothetically speaking, isn't willing to share your life anymore.

    Remember the 4 F's of womenfolk who fleece menfolk:
    Find 'em
    Fnck 'em
    Fnck 'em over
    Forget about 'em
     
  10. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
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    Neil
    She can get to your bank account through you. Tell her she will never have to worry about money. You are just doing the responsible thing. Does she have any money at all? How long have you two known each other? If she won't sign... what does that tell you? I'd get rid of her if she didn't. I have a friend who was in kinda the same situation. And yes he is still paying through the nose and eyes and ears and @ss. He really wants a time machine to fix this thing.
     
  11. TimN88

    TimN88 F1 Veteran

    Jun 12, 2001
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    You can easily turn her argument around and say "It seems pretty pessimistic of you to not sign one. If our relationship is supposed to last forever, then it wont matter." Or something like that. You could also (but not recomended) add in "are you willing to share your life with me ONLY if my bank account is part of the deal?"
    It seems like you have good reason to want to protect yourself incase anything unforseen should happen.
     
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  13. enjoythemusic

    enjoythemusic F1 World Champ

    Apr 20, 2002
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    ALWAYS be honest. Let her know you are not sure about marriage at this time.

    IMPORTANT (and feel free to use this word for word): Let her know that, naturally, the woman who loves you will love you for you... and not for your money/possessions. Therefore she will gladly sign a prenup because she truly loves HER MAN.

    If she balks and continues about financials, she MIGHT be a gold digger. Move along. Move along.

    Just my humble 2 Yen.

    Enjoy the Drive,

    Steven R. Rochlin
     
  14. formula1joe

    formula1joe Formula Junior

    Nov 3, 2003
    436
    Atlanta, GA
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    Joe Bennett
    Seems like her watching is ticking down and yours in no where to be found. Marriage is about sharing, but as every else has seem to read into your typing you are not ready for marriage.

    When the time is right, you will not carry about a pre-nup.

    Enjoy her while she is around.
     
  15. Uberpower

    Uberpower Formula Junior

    Feb 6, 2004
    902

    Here is a quick synopsis of a life story from someone I know very well:

    The guy did pretty well for himself, had a girlfriend at age 17... broke up at 19 the guy never wanted to see the girl again. Girl came back from school, they "hooked up" when it was time for her to leave she wouldn't. The nice guy let her stay a few weeks, he got a call from her saying: I'm pregnant.

    So this guy at 20yo had this super promising career, was set financially but was with someone he didn't necissarily like at the time but grew to love over time. He also got the benefit of a perfect little boy.

    What did he trade for all of this? Possibilities.

    Was it a good trade? I think so.

    My advice:

    Be certain that you want certainty as opposed to possibilties.

    Nick
     
  16. kenny

    kenny Formula Junior

    Nov 9, 2003
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    Isn't this like putting the cart in front of the horse?? You h aven't even decided if you want to ask her to marry you...
     
  17. mjgermane

    mjgermane Formula Junior

    Jan 21, 2003
    507
    Although I think taking precautions in life is usually a good thing, I don't like prenups. People take marriage too lightly. Marriage should be a commitment to the other person that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Granted, things happen, but that is why you have to be sure before you get married.

    Don't make her sign a prenup and be honest with her. Don't get married until both you and her are ready. Only you can decide when you are ready, and only she can decide when she is ready.
     
  18. sduke

    sduke Formula Junior

    Mar 10, 2003
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    Steven D
    A pre-nup is a difficult thing to discuss with someone you think you will spend the rest of your life with. However, it is something that MUST be discussed if you are currently wealthy, or stand to inherit a large sum of money.

    My divorce took 3 years and my divorce costs exceeded 100K. The entire matter was reduced to how much of my inheritance she felt was hers. It is not a pretty site to watch the woman you built your entire life with, reduced to screaming in court that she earned that inheritance by putting up with me and the kids for 25 years. My divorce was un-imaginably ugly for my kids, my ex, her family, and my family.

    A simple pre-nup would have solved this entire nightmare. If she loves you, the money doesn't matter. If she doesn't love you (today or several years down the road) money is ALL that matters.

    my .02
     
  19. Mako99

    Mako99 Formula Junior
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    Dec 29, 2003
    454
    Words to live by, everyone who posted against having a pre-nup has obviously never had a divorce go bad.

    No pre-nup, no ring, it's that simple.

    Why ever get married anyway? Seriously...If you stay in shape, have a decent personality, and have a good base of friends, why would a man ever want to walk down the aisle? Especially if you have a little cash, lol.
     
  20. F360@20

    F360@20 Karting

    Nov 24, 2003
    244
    San Diego
    Ok, awsome advice once again. (What would I do without you guys)

    Just to clear a few things up. I think some of you think im thinking of asking her to marry me or something and im not. We have been on and off for over 2 years (because of me) if it was up to her we would be together but I enjoy haveing fun right now.

    It was just that she always talks about oh when we have kids and a dog... and Im like going wow wait a min. I think she is asking alot of questions to me because her brother just got married. She looks at getting married like some of the post on here. If you get married its for life, and I respect that and I want that but you dont always get what you want out of life.

    Also, just another reason why I would want a pre-nup I am very picky about who I date. And Ill I can say is at least to me girls are getting really RAW.
    Ive gone to some parties down at SDSU and down in MEX. and I see alot of girls just getting down like they dont care in front of everyone.(details let me-know)
    And I am just going in my head - dear god look at that some guy one day is going to want to marry her. I wonder if he would knowing the stuff she did?

    To be honest if I meet a girl and we got along awsome and then I found out she did some stuff she was not proud of I would prob. let it slide depending on how much I was into her. But if I new about a girl and her past and then she came up to talk to me...thats about all would happen I would have no intrest in taking it further even if she was way hot!

    Also I think why I want a pre-nup is I do not trust any women at all. I was with someone and I swore we were going to get married. And then she cheated on me with my own friend. That Hurt!

    o and one more thing- She prob. is the most perfect girl I will find. And it sux because there is just one thing missing and I can not figure it out.
     
  21. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 20, 2003
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    If anything is missing, you can't make it (re)appear. Doesn't matter how "perfect" she is - She ain't the one. Been there, done that.
     
  22. Tyler

    Tyler F1 Rookie

    Dec 19, 2001
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    I was thinking the same thing!



    Pre-nups are nice but only if you get divorced relatively soon. I've seen some guys that had pre-nups get raked over the coals when the marriage has disolved after 20+ years. Still, like a flak jacket, it may not save you, but if you're wearing one when you get hit you're much more likely to live.
     
  23. rpmtifosi

    rpmtifosi Formula 3

    Nov 5, 2003
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    F360@20,
    I think i know what you mean!!
    I have been in the same situation for numerous times now!!
    Dating a nice girl i really like, after a while they want to get serious, getting married, having children! But i also think ... wow, slow down for a moment! I'm still young and want to enjoy my life! I also don't trust any women! I've seen enough sh*t happening! I'm not a millionaire but i'm doing pretty well lately and i always think they are after me for the cash!!
    It's really frustrating, but i think there's been written some good advice over here! If they don't want to sign a pre-nut they would probably be the wrong girl anyway!!
    Good luck and hope you get it sorted!

    CIAO...

    BTW: nice 360 you got there! really bought it at age 20??
     
  24. Mitch Alsup

    Mitch Alsup F1 Veteran

    Nov 4, 2003
    7,054
    A good marriage is the best living circumstance you can imagine.
    A bad marriage is worse than the worst living circumstance that you can imagine.

    Ask me how I know..........
     
  25. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    OK I'll bite....

    DL
     
  26. Steve Magnusson

    Steve Magnusson F1 World Champ
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    Jan 11, 2001
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    You should check out the movie "Intolerable Cruelty" (George Clooney, Catherine Zeta Jones, Billy Bob Thorton) -- great "prenup" humor...
     
  27. docdavid

    docdavid Formula Junior

    Jan 23, 2004
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    #24 docdavid, Mar 1, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  28. AJS328

    AJS328 F1 Veteran
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    Apr 23, 2003
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    Actually, I've heard that it's up to 58% now. Yikes!
     

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