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How do domestic violence arrests work?

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by ralessi, Feb 11, 2004.

  1. ralessi

    ralessi Formula 3

    May 26, 2002
    1,093
    Houston, TX
    Full Name:
    Rikk
    I am seriously pissed off here. Tonight my ex-gf/friend called me crying from her church. She is 18 and had run away after locking herself in her room because her dad strangled/hit her (one time hard enough to make her black out for a few seconds). In retaliation while being strangled she bit him (evidently pretty hard).

    I made her call the police, and we went to the station and she told them what happened. They made us go to her house then to talk to her parents.

    Then when they said something to her while at her house(the police), she started crying, turned around, and took two steps away from them. They then ran forward, grabbed her, and cuffed her without saying anything. They then told me when I asked why a few times that they "thought she was trying to run away." Keep in mind she is a 5'1" 100 lb girl who was crying before when she told them the story.

    They then talked with her mom/dad and saw the bite marks on his arm. They also had seen the red marks all over her back/neck in the station, as well as learned about other times when he had done similar things and marks/bruises on her legs from these times. They kept her in the cuffs and put her in the car without telling me anything and just drove away.

    I called the station and they said they charged her with domestic violence based on their investigation (that took 5 minutes) determined that because her bite marks were worse than her bruises that she was at fault, even though she was the one who decided to tell them what happened in the first place because she felt that she was in danger.

    I guess they are having a hearing tomorrow to figure out what the heck is going on but what happens from here? I mean can they just let the dad go like that? He beats her up and SHE gets arrested and they just forget about what he did? I don't understand this. Does she have any legal retribution against these cops for what seems to be negligent behavior? I mean seriously how can they arrest her being who she is against her dad when he has a history of abuse (according to her, of course) and marks on her body?

    I am sorry I am freaking out but would just like to know what is going to happen.
     
  2. jasono

    jasono Rookie

    Nov 22, 2003
    11
  3. Tyler

    Tyler F1 Rookie

    Dec 19, 2001
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    Tyler
    That's a crappy situation. Most important thing is removing her from that environment. She's 18, she should get her own place ASAP.
     
  4. NY Joe 360

    NY Joe 360 Karting

    Nov 2, 2003
    197
    New York
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    Joe
    The highest risk to police officers doesn't occur when arresting drug dealers or robbers - it's during domestic disputes. People are very emotionally charged and anything can (and does!) happen. That's why they handcuffed her almost immediately.

    At the station they *should* have taken photos of her bruises. If she so desires she can also press charges against him. Also if she demanded she is pressing charges on him, they both would have been brought in.
     
  5. F355guy

    F355guy Karting

    Dec 19, 2003
    224
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    John P.
    I agree, she is 18 now. She needs to think for herself and make future plans quickly. I moved out when I was 18 with barely any money. Worked full time, and went to school full time. Why didn't I ask parents to help out? (long story). But hey, if I didn't like living at home then I'd do something about it.

    Hate to tell you this but life is tough sometimes. If I were you or her, I talk to a laywer and take some pictures of the bruises quickly before they heal. I know she was defending herself, heck I probably would of shot him. Not saying she should, but she needs to take strong action before it gets out of hand.
     
  6. thecarreaper

    thecarreaper F1 World Champ
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    Sep 30, 2003
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    I NEED A JOB
    rassessi, i have no helpful words as you need a lawyer. but i will express my sympathy and say i hope it works out for the two of you. you are to be commended for your patience and level head. if in similar shoes i feel if i went there and saw that i would have made things worse. as already stated , get photos and a lawyer ASAP, and get her out of the situation.best of luck to the both of you.
     
  7. dm_n_stuff

    dm_n_stuff Global Moderator
    Global Moderator Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 10, 2003
    35,451
    The Sunshine State
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    Dave
    The YWCA runs a program for abused teens in Ohio.

    Teen Hotline Number
    937.228.TEEN (8336)

    I have a close friend who went through the parental abuse/neglect thing in her teens. Ran away at 13, never went back, father cuaght up with her 6 years later, and almost beat her to death.

    It is important to get her away from there, RIGHT NOW. That may have been some of the police thinking.

    Also, need a lawyer, RIGHT NOW. YWCA should be able to help with that, or call the local Legal Aid office.

    Do not let her return to that house. You have no idea how violence increases as time goes by. ONce the police are invloved, the dad may get even angrier.
     
  8. ralessi

    ralessi Formula 3

    May 26, 2002
    1,093
    Houston, TX
    Full Name:
    Rikk
    Thanks for all of the advice. I don't really know what to do or the situation as they won't let her talk to anyone. She has to sit around all day too since the judge will not be able to see her until 2:30. This is just a really crappy situation. I am not sure what she is going to be able to do either as I'm not sure if I will be able to be there. She really has no where to go except back home.

    I still can't believe this.

    The cops told her not to file a police report because it had happened before, but instead to go to the house and find out more about the situation. I really cannot understand the rationale behind any of this. I hope that she is given a fair hearing with a judge that is able to think a little better than these police officers.
     
  9. Klint

    Klint Karting

    Dec 7, 2003
    114
    Isle of Man, British Isles
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    Clint
    Best thing to do, is invite her around yours to live for a while, as Tyler said, get her out of that environment.

    Getting the police involved means it's more likely to be remembered, it'll affect her in the future, and her father will have a grim view about her for a long long time. Not that getting the police involved was a bad thing at all.

    The cuffs were probally there to calm the histerics down. The Police *shouldn't* take a side, so their outlook *should* be neutral. If the father started going histerical then they would of cuffed him too...see where I'm gettting at?

    Again, getting her out of the environment is the best thing one can do for her. Just as long you don't start assaulting her. (not that you wont do such a thing, right?)
     
  10. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,237
    Austin, TX
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    Randy
    Once a joke, but all too true: women are abused because they just don't F*@(*'n listen. This is all too true and this is the main reason why: they don't have anywhere else to go. This is where you can help her out. You can either give her a place to stay for a few days, or start calling up your friends - hopefully female friends, or guy friends with secured/secure girlfriends and ask for assistance in helping her stay with them for a few weeks, months or however long it takes for her to get out of Dodge.

    Mucho luck!
     
  11. ralessi

    ralessi Formula 3

    May 26, 2002
    1,093
    Houston, TX
    Full Name:
    Rikk
    Thanks again... I guess I will find out what happens in a few hours. I think I am going to have my mom go over there and hopefully take her home with her so that she doesn't have to go to her house. I have other stuff to do (school, wrestling, etc.) it kind of sucks but I don't really have a choice I guess. This is a very frustrating situation. The complicated part is that we/she still is/are in high school and there are still 6 months or so left until she is shipped off to college.
     
  12. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Aug 6, 2003
    22,202
    Las Vegas, NV
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    Ryan Alexander
    I would also suggest that she find somewhere else to live for those 6 months then. If her church is centralized or has other congregations in the area maybe they have services to help find a good host/foster family (not in her family's congregation) for the short term. That might be better than random gov't help. I know many families in my church that have taken in kids (usually friends of their kids or distant relatives) from the community to help them out of dysfunctional situations; unfortunately it's not uncommon.

    While I'm not a licensed anything, I think she'll need lots of reinforcement that she IS loved and cared for as she struggles with conflicting feelings towards her parents - her father for abusing and mother for permitting/facilitating it.
     
  13. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
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    Carbon McCoy
    Father's a name you haven't earned yet;
    you're just an child with a temper;
    haven't you heard don't hit a lady?
    kickin' your ass would be a pleasure...

    -Nickelback, Never Again
     
  14. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    NNO....

    I don't know what to say as others here have already spoken very well in that regard.

    I hope you and your GF hold up and persevere......best wishes.
     
  15. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Aug 3, 2002
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    Carbon McCoy
    LOL, Hey, KDS, i think you meant Rialessi, not me... :)
     
  16. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    Typo......I stand corrected........
     
  17. MarkG

    MarkG Formula Junior

    Nov 3, 2003
    369
    Colorado Springs
    Full Name:
    Mark
    GENERALLY speaking, in domestic violence, ANYONE who strikes another for ANY reason goes to jail. Period. Zero Tolerance. You are not allowed to hit back at someone who hits you. You are not allowed to raise your voice in anger. Any action above and beyond that of being catatonic lands you in jail.

    You then loose certain rights for the rest of your life, such as the ability to own firearms, and you get to become a registered member of an exclusive club usually reserved for sex offenders.


    These mandatory arrest laws were affected as a result of real domestic violence victims (as opposed to the willing volunteers, which make up the majority of domestic violence 'victims') being overlooked or ignored by the court system. Now the State, not the 'victim', is the plaintiff, which means the spouse, child etc. who is assaulted CANNOT refuse to press charges, (and can actually be arrested and spend more time in jail than the perpetrator if they interfere with the prosecution).

    Before the zero tolerance laws were passed, it wasn't unusual to respond to the same address time after time to bail out some 'victim' yet again, who would refuse to press charges OR leave the situation (which in itself can be very dangerous). In fact, it became such a problem at some addresses, that communications in our county had a 'do not respond' list of people and addresses. Now the police make an arrest even if the victim refuses to press charges.
     
  18. TSMIV

    TSMIV Formula Junior

    Jan 27, 2004
    373
    Columbus, MS
    Full Name:
    Robert Goodman
    Rikky, how did things go?

    I just read the thread. Your description of the events hit a chord with me. It is a long story, PM me an e-mail address and I will share it with you.

    The best thing is to call YWCA, a church, somebody to help out with this situation. Make sure that she is with someone that your family trusts but her family does not know.

    Talk to a lawyer, see what has to be done to protect her.

    Alert the school.

    And have your mother call her mother and let her know that her daughter is safe. Do not tell her where she is, but let her know that her daughter is safe.

    Make sure that your friend knows that she is cared about and that there is a large group of people that she does even know pulling for her.
     
  19. ralessi

    ralessi Formula 3

    May 26, 2002
    1,093
    Houston, TX
    Full Name:
    Rikk
    I guess the cops made a bunch of mistakes and they will be throwing out the case sooner or later (this is according to a level-headed cop). She is feeling a little bit better and laughing about the arrest incident and jail incident a little bit, since it was pretty stupid. The other part was serious as well though, and I am hoping to convince her to file a police report after this is all over.

    The problem is that her dad doesn't think he did anything wrong, and therefore cannot change. Thankfully this incident isn't as serious as some, as it usually is just sparked by two people with really bad tempers, but however bad it is it still needs to be stopped.

    Thanks everyone for the help.
     
  20. DrStranglove

    DrStranglove FChat Assassin
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Oct 31, 2003
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    DrS
    I was a cop in Atlanta. 93-96. Something started the incident so what was it. Why did it happen. Even true nut cases dont often just fly off and hit their daughters. Something provoked it. What does she say it was? If she says nothing, start being really suspicions. More than likely, if the father was not even warned, he at the least told the cops what happened to ignite the fight. What did he tell them?
     

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