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How to change 85 308 oil (with humor)

Discussion in 'Technical Q&A' started by LSU348, Jan 11, 2004.

  1. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    #1 LSU348, Jan 11, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Well,

    I did a search for oil changes on the list (did not search archive...bet there is one there) and did not find one on the new software so here goes:

    I just got my car two days ago and do not know all the terms for every part I mention below. I will not be offended if anyone corrects my terminology. Especially if someone tells me what the little hose is that passes right over/around the oil filter.

    Warm up the car. If you have bad weather stripping on your door to your garage expect your wife to complain about the exhaust. Mine did. Will fix the door before wife fixes me.

    I first removed the old filter. Remove the oil cap (right side of engine on the valve cover...obvious as heart attack) and then pull the little hose off that runs up against the filter. Now pack 3 or 4 shop rags around the base of the oil filter making sure you have a good packing on the left side - this is where about 3 tablespoons of oil are going to come out. Now loosen the filter with a tool or by hand and untwist it until it spins freely. Stop just as it spins free. Now let is sit for a good 5 min or so.

    I used a Ferrari Oil Filter because I could not find a Baldwin in Houston with a few phone calls. I will find some before my next change. Baldwin B253 is correct. Some people use the Fram P2804-1 but I have heard some bad stuff about them.

    Now jack up the car and place two jack stands and chocks under the front wheels. Set the jack stands at the same level to get the car as level as possible. I set my stands at the lowest level possible. If you have a lift I am, of course, envious.

    At this point the filter is likely drained. Remove it rather quickly and tilt it upright ASAP. As I said above about 3 table spoons of oil will leak out. This oil gets trapped in the filter and around the pipe that sticks out of the oil filter mount. No big deal. Very easy to keep it from making a mess. Wipe some oil on your new filter's O ring and install filter. I put it on by hand to the "two hands tight" (no leaks so far) exact torque specification. Replace the little hose you pulled off.

    Now locate the oil drain plug. It is a 12mm recessed alen head bolt. There is another similar bolt further to the rear of the car - that one is 10mm and is the gear oil drain plug. Do not drain the gear oil unless you plan to refill it. The engine and crank oil are not one in the same. If you are not sure which is which put your finger on both after warming up the car. The one that cooks your finger is the engine oil. The cooler one is the gear oil. If you like pain leave your finger on the oil drain one for a while...chicks dig guys with torched fingers...NOT! I do not recommend doing so. Just be aware if your 12 mm socket does not fit in there...don't force it...you are at the wrong hole...I will make no wife comments at this time as this is a family site.

    Use a 12mm alen head wrench or socket to remove the plug. Be aware that there is a copper gasket ring on the plug. Had someone not told me this I would have missed it. My plug fell into the oil when I removed it. The O Ring fell off and I only found it after draining the oil into my big sump. This O ring should likely be replaced. I did not have another so I smoothed the crimped side down and then installed it smooth side up. No leaks so far. May be a weaper.

    Be aware that 8 qts of oil is more then 7 qts of oil. My small pan is clearly a 7qt pan as you can see in the pic below. I knew I was in trouble when the pan was about 3/4 full and the stream was still flowing at a good clip. I did not arrive in time with my bigger sump to prevent a major overflow. See mess below. Oh well...live and learn. The real lesson here is to paint your garage floor with a shop sealer. The oil came right up. The other lesson is to use a big freakin pan. The smaller one fits nicely under my Vrod for what that is worth.

    Let the oil drain for 10 to 15 min or so. I had slow drips at 10 min.

    Reinstall plug with new copper o ring. I also like to clean the o ring sealing surface with a very tough cotton rag. Note, previous owner used RTV sealer on the oil plug. This made plug removal Hell. I am sure I put at least 70 lbs of force on it to remove it. I was getting worried. Use a quality 12mm socket or wrench. This would be a terrible plug to strip out with a cheap Chinese socket or wrench. Use GOOD tools.

    Lift car up to remove jack stands and lower car.

    Add 8 quarts of oil. I live in TX so I use a higher viscocity oil. I used Royal Purple 20w50 (It really is purple!! If I can find some gold gear oil I am set!!! Geaux Tigers!!). Check oil level after adding 7 qts. You should see oil at that time. At 8 quarts cold I was at the high mark. Warm up car. Check oil level hot. Put oil cover back on...I almost forgot.

    Clean up any mess you made. Go see if wife passed out from fumes caused while warming up car. If wife is on her monthly fun time take extreme caution to not bring oil into house...you will suffer. Be clean or she gets mean. And by the way...don't buy a freaking Ferrari and "surprise" her. I did not do this. I know people who did. The post purchase accessories were expensive for them. Mine were affordable and somewhat useful.

    Do not store your oily rags in a big pile or in a can or sealed area. Over time (a pretty long time) they will heat up as the oil breaks down and can ignite. This is a not kidder! Wash them. Resulting fires from such improper storage are very hot and will make some nasty smoke.

    Start her up and check for leaks. Take her for a test drive. Check for leaks. Now go DRIVE her like a Ferrari needs to be driven. I noted that my exhaust smelled a lot less and the car ran noticeably better. The dealer had not changed it for over a year. I could tell.

    When I change the gear oil and bleed my brakes I will make another newby post.
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  3. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    #2 LSU348, Jan 11, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    If you can't find a nice piece of pipe to use as a cheater use a box end wrench like you see in this pic. Make sure to use one hand to hold the hex wrench into the plug. If you need both hands to pull hard enough to remove the plug:

    1. Slap the last person that put it on

    2. Do NOT use this method - go get a small metal pipe cheater or use a 1/2" drive 12mm socket head. I do not have one of those...so see jury rigging in pic below.
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  4. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    One last note. Contrary to my post my jack stands are not quite at the same level. I am kind of claustrophobic and get a little freaky when I get under the car if it is too low. I always put the jack stand on the work side of the car on its 2nd rung. Far better then taking valium in my opinion.

    Ferrari owner on Valium: "Like wow man, who cares about that 30k service...drive drive drive into the sun!"

    Mechanic of Ferrari owner on Valium: "I see you will skip the pay me now option and pay me a WHOLE lot more later."

    Normal Ferrari Owner: Car hits 20k miles on cam belts...owner sweats for 10k miles. Rich owner changes it at 25k to prevent the need for valium.

    Mechanic of normal Ferrari owner: Holy mackarel!! Do you read F Chat?
     
  5. shenbec

    shenbec Rookie

    Nov 21, 2003
    14
    A few more helpful hints for those who are slightly less than mechanically inclined.

    1- You can use a nail or awl to punch a hole in the top of the oil filter to let some of the oil drain out. Just remember to stick a piece of tape over the hole before removing. Other wise, after you remove and turn the filter upside down (to prevent the oil from going all over your motor) you will wonder why there is a hot liquid running down your arm.

    2- Cold 20w50 oil is very thick. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have dry sumps, take care in draining while cold. The look on my face had to be priceless while I am holding an overflowing funnel and about 6 qts of oil is making a nice mess on the floor.

    Enjoy the drive.
    Chris
     
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  6. Chiaro_Slag

    Chiaro_Slag F1 Veteran

    Oct 31, 2003
    7,731
    CA
    Full Name:
    Jerry
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  8. F328 BobD

    F328 BobD Formula 3

    Mar 17, 2001
    2,327
    Southlake, TX
    Full Name:
    BobD
    LOL... LSU308, you and I obviously attended the same mechanics technical school! :)
     
  9. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    PSTMI?

    Professional Shade Tree Mechainics Institute?

    My curriculum consisted of:

    Speech Communication 1000 - How to curse out a car
    Phys Ed 1267 - How to mend busted knuckles and other body parts
    Tools 2234 - How to not buy anything other than Craftsman and Snap On
    Speech Communication 4308 - How to curse out an Italian Car in Italian

    I was in the Navy so I was exempt from learning how to clean up after myself.

     
  10. Dom

    Dom F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Nov 5, 2002
    7,819
    Southern California
    Full Name:
    Dom V.
    Reminds me of an old Joke:

    Oil change instructions for women

    1. Pull up to jiffy lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since last
    oil change.
    2. Drink cup of coffee.
    3. 15 minutes later, write check and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:
    $20.00 for oil change
    $1.00 for coffee
    total = $21.00

    Oil change instructions for men

    1. Go to auto parts store and write check for $50.00 for oil,
    filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
    2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to autop parts store to recycle, dump oil in hole in back yard.
    3. Open beer and drink it.
    4. Jack car up. spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7. Place drain pan under engine.
    8. Look for 12 mm Allen wrench.
    9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10. Unscrew drain plug.
    11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
    12. Clean up mess.
    13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14. Look for oil filter wrench.
    15. Give up; poke filter with screwdriver and twist off.
    16. Beer.
    17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil
    change tomorrow.
    18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
    19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
    21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
    oil to gasket surface.
    23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26. Discover that used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
    along with drain plug.
    27. Drink beer.
    28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
    29. Discover that the first quart of oil is now on the floor.
    30. Drink beer.
    31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
    frame.
    32. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
    33. Begin cussing.
    34. Throw wrench.
    35. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit miss
    December (1992) in the left boob.
    36. Beer.
    37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    38. Beer.
    39. Dump in eight fresh quarts of oil.
    40. Beer.
    41. Lower car from jack stands.
    42. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
    43. Move car back and apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
    spilled during step 23.
    44. Beer.
    45. Test drive car.
    46. Get pulled over: Arrested for driving under the influence.
    47. Car gets impounded.
    48. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:
    $50.00 parts
    $25.00 beer
    $75.00 replacement set of jack stands:
    (hey the colors have to match!!)
    $1,000.00 bail
    $200.00 impound and towing fee

    Total = $1350.00 plus two days "effort"
     
  11. Ricambi America

    Ricambi America F1 World Champ
    Sponsor Owner

    Can anyone offer an opinion on top-sider oil extraction units, or units like those sold in Griots?
     
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  13. joeyy

    joeyy Karting

    Nov 11, 2003
    190
    long island
    Full Name:
    joe
    Dom,!
    great piece!! LOL!!!!!!!
     
  14. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    I believe I have been upstaged :p

     
  15. Mike C

    Mike C F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Aug 3, 2002
    6,075
    Southeast USA
    Full Name:
    Mike Charness
    I've got a LiquiVac -- works great. I use it about 2 out of every 3 oil changes.

    There's some details and a discount via
    http://www.cameragear.com/ec/EasyOilChange.htm

    .
     
  16. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    I will likely get one of these too.

     
  17. tatcat

    tatcat F1 Veteran
    Silver Subscribed Owner

    Sep 3, 2001
    8,135
    panama city beach FL
    Full Name:
    rick c
    Dom, i thought i heard someone snickering behind the fence while i was changing my oil last week.



     
  18. Dom

    Dom F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Nov 5, 2002
    7,819
    Southern California
    Full Name:
    Dom V.
    You know, I had just changed my oil about 2 weeks ago, and it reminded me of that joke. So when LSU308 posted, I just had to post the joke.

    The problem I had was that the hole in my collection container was not big enough to drain all of the oil coming out of the sump. Result was alot of spilled oil on the floor.

    Also, when I jacked up the car, I had a full tank, and gasoline leaked from one of the hoses coming from the tank (to be replaced).

    Cleanup took me much longer than the actual act of changing the oil.

    Dom
     
  19. LSU348

    LSU348 Formula 3

    Dec 19, 2003
    1,032
    Sugar Land
    Full Name:
    Mike
    I screwed up one other thing too. I used the wife's new mop to do the final pass on the garage floor. I thought it was the old one...WRONG. That was a cheap fix fortunately.

     

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