News

how to wash a cat/ I thought this was funny

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by detailman, Nov 28, 2003.

  1. detailman

    detailman Formula Junior

    May 26, 2002
    307
    Indiana & South Caro
    Full Name:
    David
    > >>How To Wash A Cat
    > >>1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
    > >>
    > >>2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both
    > >>lids lifted.
    > >>
    > >>3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
    bathroom.
    > >>
    > >>4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids
    > >>(you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do
    > >>not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be
    > >>reaching out for any purchase they can find.
    > >>
    > >>5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and
    > >>rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
    > >>
    > >>6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are
    no
    > >>people between the toilet and the outside door.
    > >>
    > >>7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
    lids.
    > >>
    > >>8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
    where
    > >>he will dry himself.
    > >>
    > >>Sincerely,
    > >>The DOG
     
  2. To remove this ad click here.

  3. lesterm

    lesterm Formula Junior

    Nov 3, 2003
    608
    Durham, NC
  4. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    LOL... There's a p_ssy (cat) joke in there somewhere, but i won't look for it... :)
     
  5. detailman

    detailman Formula Junior

    May 26, 2002
    307
    Indiana & South Caro
    Full Name:
    David
    DES...I dont get it
     
  6. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    LOL...! Detail, that statement in itself, is funny...!

    i was just referring to the cat as a p_ssy and that there's the strong possibility that there will be a side joke about that, in this thread, at some point...
     
  7. To remove this ad click here.

  8. detailman

    detailman Formula Junior

    May 26, 2002
    307
    Indiana & South Caro
    Full Name:
    David
    O.K. I was trying to figure out the inside joke myself and just didn't see it. Thought I went retarded or something.
     
  9. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
    Advising Moderator

    Jul 20, 2003
    44,738
    SFPD
    Full Name:
    Dirty Harry
    #7 wax, Nov 29, 2003
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  10. Gilles27

    Gilles27 F1 World Champ

    Mar 16, 2002
    13,337
    Ex-Urbia
    Full Name:
    Jack
    Wax, that's hysterical!
     
  11. Lloyd

    Lloyd F1 Rookie

    Aug 25, 2001
    2,703
    Austin
    How to Give A Cat a Pill
    1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
    Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply
    pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill
    into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and
    repeat process.
    3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly
    with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger.
    Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
    5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Phone best friend
    to come over and help.
    6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
    Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while
    forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
    7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new
    ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and
    set to one side for gluing later.
    8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below
    armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down
    drinking straw.
    9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Apply Band-Aid to friend's
    forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
    10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close
    door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill
    down throat with elastic band.
    11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold
    compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply compress to
    cheek to disinfect. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
    12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor
    who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
    13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
    leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
    14) Get parent to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
    15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    How To Give A Dog A Pill:
    1) Wrap it in bacon.
     
  12. To remove this ad click here.

  13. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    Lloyd - ROTFLMAO...!!!
     
  14. detailman

    detailman Formula Junior

    May 26, 2002
    307
    Indiana & South Caro
    Full Name:
    David
    In love that one too.....
     

Share This Page