Just to prove I'm not a ....

Discussion in 'United Kingdom' started by Boxer 512, Sep 22, 2004.

  1. Boxer 512

    Boxer 512 Formula Junior

    May 5, 2004
    London, UK
    Full Name:
    Seb King

    Some of Peter Kay's absolutely fabulous observations......

    The Genius of Peter Kay

    1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
    Thyroid problem?

    2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then
    I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
    asked him to forgive me.

    3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her
    voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

    4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife
    to go swimming.

    5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I
    don't get on with my real ladder.

    6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
    ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

    7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different
    names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones
    may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From
    there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

    8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is
    probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

    9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner,
    you'd better have a good hand.

    10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My
    neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

    11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made
    out of meat?

    12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
    and give the wrong answers.

    13) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

    Peter Kay's questions...

    1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get

    2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down
    to the core of the earth?

    3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?

    5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you
    do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

    7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
    centuries' have a 'use by' date?

    9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
    horrible crisp no one would eat?

    10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

    11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think
    I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

    12. What do people in China call their good plates?

    13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
    but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    14. What do you call male ballerinas?

    15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

    16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a
    billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there
    is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

    19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
    mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
    of the window?
  2. 400SPYDER

    400SPYDER F1 Rookie

    Jul 7, 2004
    Kent, England
    Full Name:
    That one got me LOLSMSMCOILP!!!:):):)

    Thats Laughing Out Loud So Much Spilled My Coffee On Important Legal Papers!!!!!!

    Cheers Kevan
    :) See you down the road - with huge grins on both our faces :)

    PS Should have been O/T Seb - you should know better!
  3. F328GTS

    F328GTS Formula 3

    Apr 27, 2004
    Cambridgeshire, UK
    Full Name:
    Nigel R

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